Textbook pregnancy but in constant anxiety about abnormalities

[Ruralninja]

I wonder if I am the only person to feel like this, whether it's normal, or whether I am slightly fixated for no good reason. I'm 37 and almost 28 weeks pregnant after 5 attempts at IVF. The pregnancy has been utterly textbook - every scan, heartbeat, position, etc has been absolutely spot on. My own health is excellent, probably the best of my whole life and I have been very lucky not to have been troubled by much in the way of
symptoms (hot & grumpy today though!).

However, I was given a slightly raised Down Syndrome risk score based on a 2.2mm nuchal fold + my age. The bloods part came back normal. The threshold from low to high risk is 1:150 (low risk) and mine was 1:143. I know....you'd buy a lottery ticket wouldn't you? Anyway, I'm not sure why it has caused me so much anxiety, but it has.

I decided against amnio for a number of reasons and I intend to stick with that and also will not go down the Harmony route, on the basis that knowing doesn't change the outcome - plus is ruinously expensive. I had a full anomaly scan that came back looking all good.

I don't know a) why I'm so anxious b) if it is just a focus for general anxiety and c) if I do have a child with DS is that really a problem anyway? I shrink at the reaction of my family more than my own, but equally after such a rocky road to get here (in terms of IVF) am so hopeful for a happy healthy 'normal' child, for it's own sake as much as mine.

If you have read this far, many thanks indeed - I would love to know what other people have felt and thought or indeed if any have found themselves similarly mentally occupied.

For what it's worth, if you have a clear anomaly scan at 20 weeks, the risk of Down Syndrome halves. So technically you're now 1 in 286

The Fetal Medicine Centre goes by that policy, and I'd trust their expertise.

I had a 1 in 34 last time (pre Harmony) and waited it out as I didn't want to risk an amnio - the FMC doubled my odds to 1 in 68 at 20 weeks due to my good scan. I still worried the whole time, it is hard not to. I obsessed over it at times, spent a lot of time on boards devoted to prenatal testing just to see other people with similar stats to mine get their results.

DS has typical chromosomes, for the record! We opted for a "late" amnio at 32 weeks where the only risk is preterm birth, because if he did have Down Syndrome, I wanted time to prepare and learn about it and prepare the extended family too.

I hope the next few months pass quickly for you!

thank you Crispy and congratulations on your DS! I have thought about a late amnio too and I know where you were coming from in terms of preparing. I'm loving the Fetal Medicine stats policy - I didn't know about that, thank you!
I suppose I can't decide if I'm genuinely worried by it, or if that wasn't a focus for worry, if I would just fix on something else. This suspicion is one reason I haven't gone for the Harmony, apart from the cost.

Only 12 weeks to go!!

I don't think you're the only one who's done this. Scrap that - you're definitely not!

I've realised that I find a new focus for my anxieties every few weeks. I've been through so many different frets, and it's felt really difficult to just let go and 'enjoy' my pregnancy (five weeks to go). As a committed control freak, I've found all of the uncertainty and unknowns quite tough to deal with.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. Lots of good wishes!

Thanks Callamia.... there's no getting away from one's own neuroses, is there!

I am a control freak also when it comes to pregnancy. If I wasn't POAS every five minutes up until the first scan (at 6 weeks on the dot!) I'm checking for the heartbeat every day with the doppler. And so on.. I need to know I have checked everything it is possible to check.

Getting a screen positive was pretty much a disaster in terms of my mental state, especially as I'm so (personal choice, not judging anyone else) anti invasive testing.

I had two babies before DS - first one I just worried in general and didn't have anything to fix on. Second one I had a genuine reason for worry (to put it mildly) with an incompetent cervix and resulting surgery and being told to expect a micro-preemie. Well, she held on until 35 weeks in the end.

I was expecting a nice quiet pregnancy with DS, and then that happened!

I'm nearly 10 weeks now and fully expecting something "new and interesting" to ruin this one.. and if there isn't I'll probably make something up

Weirdly I'm totally NOT a control freak once they're here. For instance I'm the most laid back mother in the park, letting my children climb on stuff way above their age range and getting judgey looks, or letting them go to the public toilets on their own with me not going in from a young age. It's just pregnancy does my head in! Hormones, maybe.

I strongly suspect you would find something to fixate on - in the absence of anything else concrete you have chosen this. Brain needs to worry!

crispy you are very reassuring. I would like to parent like that so you've given me some hope! scan today so hopefully another good one!

I am a complete control freak and find pregnancy very difficult. Its my first, i am young, healthy, no family history of any problems and as it was very planned (control freak) i am probably in the best shape for a long time, yet there is always something new that I worry about.

First it was the 12 week scan, then the ds test, then its the 16 week appointment, then what if something is wrong at 20 weeks. All have been spot on with no issues so now its onto when will i feel baby moving, why havent i felt it today, i dont feel as pregnant as usual this morning. Its all stupid worries that I wish i was more relaxed about. At 20+5 with an anterior placenta i dont think i should be worrying about such things at all but it is constant.
Being a perfectionist, control freak has made me into the person I am (and i am happy with who i am), but sometimes I wish that during pregnancy i could just be a bit more chilled!!

Hi Frizz, you definitely need a doppler heartbeat detector! It has, if not exactly saved my sanity, prevented full on demented freaking out on an almost daily basis. If you haven't got one already, they are about £20 on Amazon - mine is the angelsounds one and I used it regularly (every freaking day) from 18 weeks

am STILL using it, obvs, 28 weeks now and not intending to stop listening twice a day!

rural I think it would kill me having one!!
I would become way to obsessed with it (I am that personality type) and then I would have an even bigger freak out if I couldn't find the heartbeat, or it sounded different to normal. I even think I would sit there recording/counting the beats to see if it was faster than the last time etc. I think I would be calling my midwife every hour to check things.

I am trying to make a positive decision to try to and deal with my control freak attitude in a situation that is beyond being out of my control. I think it will do me good

I'm a high risk pregnancy and am constantly worrying about things that might go wrong.

I'm only 9wks+5 but having already ran through 101 scenarios of what is either going to go wrong in the pregnancy, or what is going to be wrong with the baby. I have read some threads on MN about routine scans where babies who aren't 'textbook' have been detected and they really scare me!!! I just constantly worry about every possible pregnancy outcome.

I don't know how to keep my anxiety in check really

OP, I am constantly anxious too - I have an anterior placenta, so not feeling much movement yet (which I know intellectually is normal, at 21+5, but I still have nights worrying myself to sleep over it). I am also tall (5'10") and was fat before I got pg (BMI of 33), so not really showing yet, which is another thing to worry about.
I panicked daily that I would have a mmc up until the 12wk scan, then I hung on for the 16wk appt and hearing the heartbeat - only to find they wouldn't listen for it, so I transferred that worry to the 20wk scan, and there were days when I honestly expected to be told it was all over at that scan.

It wasn't, the baby is fine. I now get a flutter or two, and I keep telling myself that I'll look back and laugh at how paranoid I am and curse myself for praying for more of a bump/more kicks!

Oh, and just to really help, my Mother still worries about me travelling home at night on my own. I am 32. HTH

it's good to know we're all as deranged as one another - perhaps it's just the survival instinct doing its over-zealous job!

Just back from my scan - it all went well lol!

I was terrified about the nuchal screening but my result came back at 1 in 2000 which is good for a 40 year old but still isn't concrete proof is it? I fretted like mad when it came to the 20 week scan. I focused on looking at the heart as a lot of children born with Down's syndrome have heart problems don't they so my belief was that if the heart appeared OK then Down's syndrome probably isn't a factor. That scan also went really well.

Now, at 24 weeks, I fret about feeling movement every day and if I don't feel any first thing in the morning I worry constantly!

I think I will worry everyday until LO arrives and then continue to worry! Just the way I am I guess.

Glad the scan went well.
Hope you have some (at least temporary) peace of mind

Hello OP, I don't know if anyone has mentioned this or not but you can have a new test called a Harmony test if you want to - to determine, completely without risk to you or baby, whether there are abnormalities.

If you do a mumsnet search for Harmony tests there a loads of threads with info

It is private though I'm afraid. We had one and were so reassured so figured it was worth the cost.

Thanks Lemon, yes I am aware of the Harmony - have mentioned in my original post, but thank you for thinking of it.

Hi Xenia, where I am, the starting point for the risk of DS is 1:250 before I even got out of bed, based on my age. Wondering how it differs from trust to trust, or whether your score was given privately? I'm 37 btw.

Xena, even...

What numbers do they class as being low risk??

Hi ruralninja, I can totally sympathise, we actually lost our first baby to a very rare chromosome deletion last year a high nuchal measurement was the first indicator at 12 weeks, and it then became apparent that she was very ill, and finally diagnosed by amnio at which point we took advice to terminate the pregnancy. It was an awful time and has obviously affected how I feel about this pregnancy too - because it's so rare you don't get a 'risk factor' for it from the NHS, nor can the harmony test detect it yet, so for us it was trust in good scans or go for amnio.

We've had a few scans and all seems normal, certainly very different to the way it was last time. I think around 27/28 weeks (I'm now 36) I suddenly realised that we were having this baby 'no matter what' and he will be loved and will be the most important thing in our lives whether he's born 'normal' and 'healthy' or not. I think for me, giving in to that feeling has been very empowering - it's my decision and I can commit to loving and being excited about his arrival, if you know what I mean?

Sorry, this is a bit of a ramble, but I think you're reaching a point in your pregnancy now where you're going to get a real live baby whatever happens, and you'll love him or her to bits.

Hope you can find some peace, stressing in pregnancy is so hard!

Piz

Glad to hear your scan went well!

Now, onto the next thing to worry about..

pizdets, that is exactly it - baby now weighs almost 3 lbs which comes with a high expectation of survival if born at that weight, so I'm there too with the 'no matter what' part. Congrats on your pregnancy and best of luck - ive also had losses but each one is unique - but the same anxiety. I think.

writer what you get is a risk level based on statistics, not a normal/abnormal rating. my trust would take no further action with a risk score over 1:150 - mine was 1:143, now 1:280, post 20 week scan. However the numbers only really make sense in the context in which they are used - this info should be available to you. HTH

sorry writer misread your post! Low risk odds above 1:150