My husband doesn't like to clean or tidy the house.
When we spoke about having another child I told him that he had to do more in the house, because I worked full time. He only worked one or 2 days a week.
He stayed with the children while I was working.
Then I also had to clean the house, because he didn't like doing that!
Or another reason he gave me was because I didn't left the house.
I'm a therapist and I work from my computer. People chat about their problems with me over skype. I did this at home and I did that full time.
Then when I finished my work I'd go down stairs.
He looked after the kids and made dinner. But I always had to clean everything up. That really annoys me.
So I told him that during a pregnancy he really had to do more in the house.
He said he would do that.
But nothing.....
I got pregnant and was still working full time and doing all of the household jobs. He did a bit. From time to time he did the dishes, put the bin outside. That kind of stuff.
I'm now 36 weeks and I'm on my maternity leave.
It's getting difficult and painful to do the housecleaning. But he doesn't care.
Only when I start cleaning he'll come and help. He doesn't do it by himself. He thinks it's easier to dress and put the kids their pajamas's on in the living room.
But he never puts the dirty clothes away. So I need to do that and if for some reason I'm not there. I always find clothes all over my living room floor.
Now I'm 36 weeks I'm getting really tired and this morning I woke up really late. Much later then I normally would.
I came downstairs.... He was sitting behind his computer, kids watching television. The room was a mess. Clothes and towels all over the floor.
The dishwasher was empty, but the plates and bowels used for breakfast incl left over pieces of bread were still on the table.
I saw all this and all the time he didn't do anything or asked me how I was. He was just in the living room staring at his computer.
On that moment I went MENTAL!!!
I don't know anymore how many times I've told him to do more in the house or find a full time job.
His reason for not looking for a job is that he thinks I can't take care of the kids all by myself. Because I'm pregnant and emotional............
Anyway this morning it was the last straw for me.
I started to shout at him. I was really furious.
What he did he just said:
'Also a good morning to you'. On a very annoying tone.
I yelled why are there clothes again all over the floor and the dishes on the table. Why don't you keep things clean?
He just looked at his computer and started to ignore me. This really makes me explode.
In the end it went from bad to worse. He wanted me to leave him alone and if I wanted a tidy house then I should be the one doing it. Because he has no problem with the mess.
I couldn't leave him alone.
I really was boiling on that moment. I have been over this with him so many times and he never cares and never goes to look for a full time job.
Then he got aggressive with me. He hit me, scratched my arm, pushed me away.
All I could do was shout at him what the hell he thinks he's doing. I'm 36 weeks pregnant!
Then he said I had to leave him alone and then twisted my arm on my back and pushed me to the ground. With his weight on me. It really hurt and I was really scared that he was going to brake my arm. I was also scared for the baby. With all I could I was able to stay on my arm and legs so that his full weight wouldn't come on my belly.
I then told him to leave the house. But he didn't want to go. He kept starring at his computer. Until I made a call to look for another place for him to stay for at least this week.
When he heard that he said a quick bye to the children, got in the car and left.
Tonight we've been writing.
First thing that I wrote to him was that he was still welcome here but some things had to change.
- He had to do more housekeeping
- showing that he still loves me
- not ignoring me when I get angry
- no violence
His replay was that he couldn't do all of the above and that that will means there's no future anymore for us and that he'll leave me.
He sleeps in the car tonight and he will come and pick up some of his things tomorrow.
He totally didn't even try to talk about it.
It's sooooo painfull.
In a way I feel terrible about that I was so furious this morning.
At the other hand. Why should I do everything that he doesn't like to do? He's 42 years old, he's a grown up. We all got to do stuff we don't like, but needs to be done.
It's getting harder for me and also painful to do the cleaning.
But now I got to do it all by myself, because he's away.
Should I've accepted his laziness? He also has got some good sides. Now also the good times we had are gone too.
Then again if he's so quickly to give up. If he doesn't even want to look for a job then why should I allow him to sit most of the time behind his computer?
He doesn't want to look for a job, because he thinks I can't take care of the kids by myself. But when I really get totally fed up with him doing barely anything in the house. Except make a bigger mess for me to clean up.
Then we get into a fight and he leaves me! I thought I couldn't take care of the kids?????
So I guess it's just him being really lazy. Or he's totally not interested in the children either. Why would you leave them in the care of someone you just said that you think she can't take care of them? So that was just something he said to hurt me. Or maybe hoping that I'd believe him and not kicking him out of the house.
Yes I was furious and I really shouted at him. Didn't I had a good reason for that? Was I wrong for being totally fed up with cleaning behind his bud?
In a way I hope things will work out. At the other hand I'm thinking that if he doesn't make any changes. Then why should I want to be with him?
It's so hard and scary being 36 weeks pregnant.
Since today I'm on my own with 3 kids of almost 7, almost 5 and a 3 year old. And one on the way.
How on earth am I going to do this?
Will I get into trouble with social services?
Tomorrow the health visitor comes to my house. I'll try to tell her what happened with a straight face. I won't tell her of the fight we had. And just hoping she won't notice the scars on my arm. The last thing I need at this moment his more trouble.
Friends cam help me threw this dark time. I really don't want social services in my house!
Sylvia