Stuggling to cope

[Stom91]

Hi. So just had a major break down. Couldnnot stop crying. DP didn't know what to do but hug me... I'm so exhausted I can't explain it and feel like such a let down because I'm stuggling with this pregnancy.. I'm only 23 weeks but I can't even wash up or take a shower or wash up., without needing a nap... The Dr signed me off this week and I have no clue how I'm going to cope at work... .

I just feel like I shouldn't be like this there so many people out there that work up to 38 weeks and are all fine and there's me only 23 week. Exhausted beyond belief.

I know some of the reason is pregnancy and some. Of it is cos of the other medical problems I have which make. Me tired anyway.

I feel. Like I'm letting dp down.. We still have so. Much to buy i dont know how we will get it if i go off sick now... DP says I can if i want to.. And he will get a weekend job as well as his full time job.. I don't want him to do that!

I wanted to be happy and glowing and enjoying being pregnant for the first time but I really feel like I can't cope and i hate being sad cos I'm scared it'll harm baby....

I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry for the rant x

I am so sorry Stom that sounds awful. Your dp is right though you need to do what you need to keep yourself and therefore baby happy and healthy. Pregnancy is different for everyone and the 'picture of Glowing ladies' is as much a myth as the couples whose eyes meet across crowded rooms and 'just know!'

In terms of practical things- go and see your gp or midwife (whoever you like best) and tell them all this. There may be things they can do and at least they can assure you it is normal.
Buying stuff - there are lots of people on here with much more knowledge than me but there are many ways to get stuff cheaply/free. You may also be eligible for certain grant a- ask your midwife for info.
If your dp has offered to get a second job - let him. I understnd how you feel but you are growing a person( he is not no matter how supportive he is) and that is definitely a second job.
There may be times in the future when he wil need you to do more but at the moment he is willing to step up and you need that. You are a team, do not feel guilty. You are doing nothing wrong.
And it will end - you are Over half way! Good luck- I hope you get some rest.

Woah!!!!!!

Slow down and breathe.

Stop comparing yourself to other pregnant women.

Stop beating yourself up over this, it is OK and totally normal.

When I was pregnant with my DD one of my good friends was pregnant with her first DC too. We were only weeks apart and both studying in our final year at uni. I had to stop half way through the year as I was too exhausted and found it all too much. My friend was able to carry on right through her pregnancy and finished her studies. I felt like a failure and it got me down even after I had my DD. Now I understand that it wasn't something I had control over and I would have had a much more relaxed pregnancy had I simply accepted that to begin with.

You haven't let anyone down, your body is doing something it needs all your energy for, making a baby is exhausting work. Plus there are so many different factors that can mean one woman sails through pregnancy where another woman may need more support. Maybe these women you are comparing yourself to have support systems around them you are not aware of.

What are these things you have left to buy? Are they actual necessities or simply things you think you need? Babies need very little and it might be worth you taking time out and cutting down on your list of purchases where possible.

What enjo said is very true about letting your DH pick up a bit more slack if he can. There may be a time in the future when he needs you to do the same for him.

You are letting no one down, you're doing an amazing thing - growing a new little person.

Being sad will not harm the baby.

Not everyone sails through pregnancy. With DD1 it was a breeze and I loved being pregnant. With DD2 I was getting fed up about 25 weeks as she constantly had her head or feet right up under my ribs so I couldn't sit up straight, then about 30 weeks her head engaged and stayed there till she was born which meant I couldn't sit at all and had to half lay back.
I'm still waiting for the supposed burst of energy and pregnant glow 2.5 years and DS2 later!

WRT buying things for baby there was a grant available if its your first DC, ask your midwife about it. eBay, freecycle and gumtree are good for things like cot/pram/moses basket. Do get a new mattress though and check the distance between bars is up to new safety standards.

Also get a new car seat unless it from a friend/family member so you know it hasn't been in an accident.

Don't buy too many newborn or 0-3 clothes. He/she will be most comfortable in sleep suits and rompers and you'll most likely get newborn and 0-3 clothes bought as a present. Sleeveless bodysuits are easier to get on and sit better under clothes - which I only found out with DC4.

Whatever your DP wants to do to help you, let him but make it clear that you don't expect him to IYSWIM

Hi all thanks for all your advice.
With regards to stuff I got to buy it's like bottles and or breast pump. I've done well for clothes only spent £40 and got 2 huge bundles which will get me though the first 3 months at least.. Everything I've brought / buying is second hand....

Yeah i just feel that I should be out working dp says I will just have to man up for the next couple months... Doesn't help u can't take any of my normal pain killer as they are too strong so pain makes me tired as well as making baby.

It doesnt help that work have made me feel guilty for being pregnant and they've all had their opinions about it.

It took ages to start enjoying being pregnant and then as I do its like i hit a wall of exhaustion and i just can't do it..

December feels so far away right now.

Thanks for all your reassurance it's really helped xx

I posted something not quite too dissimilar a few days ago.. I am 25 weeks and have also been signed off work for 2 weeks as I am just so exhausted.

Feel terribly guilty about it, all I've done is sleep. It makes me feel worse as there have been two other pregnant colleagues and they seem to be managing fine.

My OH is like yours as well, although usually supportive doesn't understand why I have to be off work.

But don't worry you will get things done you are only past half way.

Yeah i fall asleep anywhere I go and ses my mum and i end up falling asleep in the chair lol. She doesn't mind she knows how exhausting it can be..

Yeah dp doesn't always understand.. He has fie end me to option to stop work now.. He says that me and baby are more important and things will work out... I just feel bad for not being out there earning money... I'm going to go back to work on Tuesday see how I go. ..

But if im honest I don't think I can do it. I've never been so tired in my life. I feel So old lol I'm only 21 lol.

I hope u start to feel better soon sleepathon