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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When should I tell friends/family?

30 replies

Diamondsareagirls · 23/08/2013 11:29

Hi all,

I need a bit of advice. I have just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant and DH and I are very excited. Booked in for the 6 week check with the doctor next week and we are enjoying keeping our news between the two of us for now but starting to think about when we are going to tell parents and close friends.

The problem we have is with my parents (well, mum). I know that as soon as I tell her then all of her friends and my extended family, next door neighbours etc will know even if I ask her not to. I can just hear her saying "well, I didn't think when you said tell no-one that it meant your 3rd cousin's best friend. She was there at your 4th birthday party. You were really close..." etc).

DH's parents would respect our request to keep it private but it seems a bit unfair to tell them and not my parents. I'm going to tell my sister pretty soon but want to know others' experiences with who to tell and when.

So, when did you tell close friends/ family and did anyone regret telling people too soon?

OP posts:

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williwonti · 23/08/2013 11:44

I'm 11 and told inlaws this week and my lot at 7 wks. Friends and rest of world after scan next week. It depends how private you are xx

TWavre · 23/08/2013 11:44

Firstly congratulations on your news!

We didn't want to tell anyone until after our 12 week scan, but I had such bad morning sickness that we ended up telling my parents at 8 weeks & then Mil, Fil, Sil & her hubby at 10 weeks. Really glad we did because of all the extra support we got when I felt dreadful & needed it most. We told the rest of our family & friends after the scan and were really pleased we did it that way.
If you want to be the ones to tell everyone but don't think your Mum can keep it quiet why not wait until you're ready but then tell everyone at a family event? I don't think there is anything wrong with telling one set of parents before the other really, especially if you don't think they'll keep it quiet.

PrincessKitKat · 23/08/2013 11:46

Told our parents at 6 weeks and asked them to keep it to themselves.
MIL immediately blabbed to her sister (meaning our cousins also know) and my mum is huffy that she can't tell her friends.

So wish we'd waited until after the 12 week scan!!

Congratulations!

roofio87 · 23/08/2013 11:57

we told both sets of parents straight away. mil told all her family! ! but I didn't really say I wanted it kept quiet I just assumed it was a given and she was just excited so I couldn't be too mad. I also told my beat friends straight away because we're very close and they would have known. I went to my best friends for dinner just after we got our bfp and she knew as soon as I declined a glass of wine!! I loved everyone knowing from the start and I would have told them anyway if things hadn't worked out!!

Original poster

Diamondsareagirls · 23/08/2013 12:12

Thanks all. We have got a few big events coming up with friends soon so I'm sure they are going to guess as soon as I order an orange juice instead of my usual glass of wine! I guess it's a relief to know people do it as different stages.

I know my DM will be annoyed with me that we have left it until 12 weeks but maybe that will make her think! (Probably not!)

OP posts:

Steffnexis9 · 23/08/2013 12:37

I waited until 12weeks... And i recorded the heartbeat on my phone at my midwife appointment so we let family listed to that to tell them lol. Just incase things had gone wrong... Mum said she should have known as i asked her for a pie recipe and usually i hate pie lol x

CrispyFB · 23/08/2013 12:42

Tell anyone you'd be happy with "untelling" if the worst should happen.. and that applies to people who might be told second-hand too!

A lot of people wait until the second trimester simply because there is then much less risk of needing to "untell" as it were!

Last time round I told most people just after I gave birth as there were worries baby might have issues and if so, I wanted to present that information along with the announcement (he had no issues as it turned out) but that was a bit extreme ;-) Normally I'm an end-of-first trimester girl.

Everyone is different, some post their still-wet weesticks to Facebook within minutes and are happy with that. It's whatever you're comfortable with, there is no right or wrong answer!

Frizz1986 · 23/08/2013 12:50

Congratulations!!
We told parents and siblings within a week of finding out as we knew we would need their support should anything happen. I also told my best friend.
DHs mum is a gossip but we were beyond explicit with the you tell noone, absolutely noone regardless of who they are.
This is our news and we will tell people when we want them to know. And by god she kept it quiet!!
I told my boss at 7 weeks again so if something happened I knew I could leave work fast and I have a close relationship with my work too.

Everyone else had to wait until after the 12 week scan.

You can tell as many or as few people as you want to, whenever you want to.
I found it best to tell people who I would rely on as they could help me through the tough times.

Congrats again!!

StillPukin · 23/08/2013 12:53

Congratulations!!!

My experience is that when I told people it was no longer my news, it was theirs. Especially my Mother. In fact she has been embarrassing with it - telling people who arent really interested etc. I have had to say to her "Mother, its my baby not yours" I know that sounds mean because she's excited but seriously, its got beyond a joke - she is currently very unhappy with me because I had my 20 scan a few days ago and found out the gender but wont tell her until baby arrives..... she's off to Istanbul next week and is very unhappy because she's planned to buy wool and things for the baby but now I've made it difficult.
My advice would be to tell people only when you're happy for everybody to know :) x

Dusty04 · 23/08/2013 13:01

I told my parents at 8 weeks, in laws and close friends at 13 weeks and everyone else at 20 weeks.. Still letting people know now at 22 weeks!

MrsOakenshield · 23/08/2013 13:02

Congratulations!

I certainly wouldn't wish this on you, but having had many MCs, I wouldn't tell anyone until you've had the 12-week scan. Because they will tell all and sundry and should the worst happen . . . well, it's not great, that's all.

For my 6th, successful pregnancy, following many a test and treatment, I told my sister and mum at 6 weeks, for support more than anything. They didn't tell anyone else, my sister didn't even tell her DP. I also told my best friend, but that's because she was emigrating, and had been with me throughout everything.

Everyone else after the 12 week scan.

Best of luck to you both!

MortifiedAdams · 23/08/2013 13:05

I only told those whose support id need if it all went wrong.

It went wrong, so for practical purposes, it was handy that our parents knew, and my boss, and a close friend.

ch1134 · 23/08/2013 13:58

I didn't tell anyone until 12 week scan and really glad as after that it's all anyone wants to talk about!

charlottesweb87 · 24/08/2013 12:37

I took a pregnancy test in the morning and we were going to visit my parents that day anyway (they live 2 hours away) so I told them the day we found out! Also called my sister. We told MIL & FIL & close friends at 8 weeks and everyone else after 12 week scan.

Excited2meetmyprincess · 24/08/2013 12:53

We told out parents and brothers and sisters at 6 weeks then told close friends at 8 weeks after an early scan. Extended family and other friends/work coleagues after our 12 week scan.
But to be honest I wish we had just told everyone straight away as I suffered with sickness and had bleeding early on so would have been easier to get to appointments etc if people in work knew xx

Writerwannabe83 · 24/08/2013 12:56

I have had to tell people at work straight away for safety reasons but nobody else knows.

I'm 9 weeks and although I have seen a healthy bean and heartbeat on 2 separate occasions (early reassurance scans) we won't be telling anyone until after the 12 week scan and not until we have had the results of the NT test first too.

FobblyWoof · 24/08/2013 13:21

Congratulations

Firsst pregnancy we told parents and family at around 8 weeks (we found out at 7 weeks) and I told a few people at work. Next thing everyone bloody knew. Hated it. I also ended up really resenting my mother because she put it on her Facebook I give her the benefit of the doubt because she had a lot going on at the time and isn't usually so catastrophically thick It got deleted pretty quickly (though she was all offended that I was pissed off!)

With that in mind this time we told no one- not a soul- until after the 12 week scan. It was really lovely to just keep it between us during those weeks and I thought I'd find it really hard not to say anything but actually it was quite easy

badguider · 24/08/2013 13:47

I didn't want to have to tell people with conditions so we didn't tell anybody till after our scan which was at 13weeks.

It was just easier to tell people properly... though I did ask people who knew my work clients to keep schtum till I'd told them myself which was around 15wks by the time I managed to have direct conversations with those affected.

Carole803 · 24/08/2013 15:02

My friend told me to tell people you don't mind untelling, if it came to that!

I told my parents at 10 weeks because mum is poorly and has been chomping at the bit for a grandchild. I also told her not to tell anyone, but knew she would struggle to keep it to herself. But unlike your mum, my mum's network is much smaller. And I was only two weeks away from my scan.

We told the inlaws after our 12 weeks scan. I sent them a card with a picture of the scan saying "congratulations it's another ...." MIL called up shortly after the post arrived, squealing with excitement.

That way we could tell my partner's 17 year old son on the same day as the scan and know he was the first to know.

Then we we have been telling friends when we see them and keeping it off facebook etc, asking them to do the same.

It worked out really well for us and at 22 weeks I am still enjoying telling people who don't already know.

PoppySeedBun · 24/08/2013 16:14

As everyone else says, this is a really personal thing. Some people really want the support of having people who know, and others can find that a bit intrusive.
Last time, I told my Mum and Dad, my gran and sister, as we were all together for a family dinner, at about 7 weeks. Unfortunately, I had a MMC 2 weeks later. It was upsetting to tell them but ultimately I'm glad they knew and could support me. More difficult was telling in-laws about the MMC when they didn't know about the positive (we were also planning on telling them in person in a week or so).
I'm glad I didn't tell work at all - made it much easier when I went back not to have people's questions, and fortunately I was able to be vague about the reason for being off and they accepted it.
I'm now PG again, 5 weeks, and currently planning not to tell anyone until 12 weeks, although I may crack if I get serious sickness. We're also seeing family at about 8 weeks, so might tell then if we've had a positive scan.

Queazy · 24/08/2013 17:11

I would wait until after your 12 week appointment, especially if you think they'll be really wanting to share the info wider x

MummyPig24 · 24/08/2013 18:38

I'm 10 weeks and have told 3 friends. One because we are close and I knew I would need to call on her to look after the children when I had my mw appt and scan. Another because she is my oldest and best friend, and another guessed so I told her. I would rather not have though. We will officially announce next week after our scan.

BigBongTheory · 24/08/2013 19:11

I'd wait. With my first pregnancy we waited until after the scan to tell my rather loud mouthed mother. In fact, I made sure everyone we wanted to tell first hand had been told before her. Same with PILs.

The whole lot of them have big mouths!

enormouse · 24/08/2013 19:20

With DS I waited for the 12wk scan.
I was hoping to wait till the 20wk one for DC2 ( ive enjoyed being in a little bubble of me, DP and DS) but I've had to tell people over the last 2 weeks (currently 18) as I'm starting to show. Also toddler DS is starting to out me and is informing everybody loudly (the postman, man who owns the local shop, random passers by) that there's a 'BABY in MUMMY'

LateBear · 24/08/2013 22:13

I told my sister straight away and then my immediate family over the next couple of weeks as I know they can keep a secret. Didn't tell DHs family until 12 weeks as I knew they couldn't be trusted not to blab. Did feel a bit sorry for DH as of course he wanted to tell them, and in some ways it didn't seem fair, but as this was my 1st at 40 I really didn't want to have to 'untell' ,as crispy said, a lot of ppl if something went wrong in that time. Also DH himself was keen to start telling ppl so I really had to rein him in himself. In a way it was easier for him to tell no one . Was proven correct about DHs parents when we finally told them FIL announced to DHs best friend before he had a chance and DH was a quite put out. If people have proven in the past they can be trusted then I'd be happy to tell, but some people, however well meaning, ( including my own DM rest her soul ), literally find it impossible to respect your wishes and keep a secret, deciding for themselves who 'counts' and 'doesn't count' with regard to passing on the news.

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