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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

feeling lost and hopeless (very long)

7 replies

millymacpherson · 21/08/2013 21:14

Ive never been on a forum before, so bear with me. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, with a 2 year old boy at home, a full time job and a partner. When I got pregnant we were over the moon, me and my partner had been together before and sadly lost 2 babies together. My little boys father is a different man so my partner is very new to family life bless him. Anyways, the 20 week scan came and it turned out to be another little boy, however the hospital said there was something showing on the scan that "wasn't right" we waited to see a specialist and it turned out that our baby has transposition of the great arteries, and a hole in the heart. We were devastated, petrified and this is how I feel lost. My partner has taken to the optimistic way of thinking, we can get our baby fixed and he will recover and we will bring him home. I know the success rate of this operation is 95% thats with the hole in the heart aswell, I feel like I shouldn't complain and that I should be really happy that its treatable but I can't stop thinking "what if?" I've got a load of other issues going on aswell like my quite literally psychotic sister has been stealing from the family, she was my childcare however she wasn't looking after my little boy properly so I had to tell her to go away basically however she keeps popping up and getting to me, my little boys father has threatened legal action because I don't want him seeing our son as he's a self confessed alcoholic and doesn't put in any effort with Robert (my boy), the management at my work place has become a joke, its impossible to go into the office and do your job because something is always going wrong, I was put on sick leave by my GP due to stress which makes me feel insane, I have panic attacks due to all this going on so I'm away from work until my maternity leave comes to an end, I've enrolled Robert into nursery as of 5th September which is going to be an emotional rollercoaster. I'm sorry for whoever reads this, I guess I'm using this website as a way to talk without upsetting my partner. We keep arguing and biting at eachother, we find out on the 19th September exactly what the procedure is going to be, right now we know nothing which is irritating to be honest, so at 36 weeks I'm going to get all my answers at once and I know for a fact it's going to be too much, I know I'm being taken into hospital 1 week early as Robert came a week early, so that's 3 weeks to prepare for a new baby, a major operation, putting my trust into strangers (I know these people are specialists but that's how I see it most times) and hope they fix my baby. I don't even know what to say to my partner anymore, things are like a minefield at the moment, being careful of how and when to talk about our baby together. It's killing me every day knowing what's going to happen, and the fact I can't do anything now is the most frustrating. I'm rambling now but if anyone has been in a situation similar please share some advice, I'd appreciate it so much.

Milly

OP posts:
Shellywelly1973 · 21/08/2013 21:16

Do you realise you've put your sons name in twice op?

LadyMedea · 21/08/2013 21:43

Are you getting any extra support from your midwife or doctor? A lot of areas will ave specialist mental health midwives who can give yu extra support in really challenging circumstances.

OliviaMMumsnet · 21/08/2013 22:03

Hello there
So sorry to hear that you're going through all this
Mumsnetters often use acronyms for anonymity
Thanks
MNHQ

Summersun1983 · 21/08/2013 22:19

Hi Milly
Sorry I don't have any personal experience in what you are going through but didn't want to read and run, sending you bigs hugs through the net xx

I can totally understand that you are worried about what is going to happen and think that your hospital or care giver should have talked you through what the options are. They are there to support you so go back to them and ask for a chat sooner rather the later, you need and deserve to feel supported when you are so venerable, push them for answers or at least a list of possibilities so that you can start to get your head around things.

Can you see if they can put you in touch with other parents that have been through the same that you could chat too? I think that would help a lot.

Also if you need people in your life to back off a bit and give you some space to think and focus then tell them, you are only human

I hope you get some reassurance soon
Good luck xxx

Fraxinus · 21/08/2013 22:20

Oh my goodness, you have so much going on.

Can I just say about the nursery, please don't worry too much about it right now. You can't tell if a nursery is going to work out until you have given it a chance. Is there anything about it which gives you a bad feeling?

I just think that you will know whether it is working for your ds after 6 weeks or so, so you can take a decision then, and not add it to your immediate load of worry.

Have the panic attacks stopped now you are not going to work?
Sounds like you have done the right thing to get the work related stress recognised and get Outof the situation.

You have already had so much trauma with losing babies, that of course you will be maximally worried about the health of your unborn child. In this situation, you should definately be being offered some kind of counselling or support.

Not sure how much help I can be, but just wanted to let you know that this forum is here for you to share your problems anonymously,and in a community of caring people, and we all hope to see you working through your stresses one by one, and growing and becoming more you as you doit!

I do hope things work out for you. X

millymacpherson · 22/08/2013 20:46

Hey, thanks everyone for replying. My midwives didn't even know about the heart defect,I had to explain it to her which was frustrating, I spoke my midwife about how I was feeling, she said if the panic attacks continue then I should consult my GP- which I did,unfortunately I can't take any medication for the attacks but they have calmed down a little since I left work, which has been a relief. It just feels like the whole pregnancy I've been facing a wall and not looking at the realistic view, and now because time is ticking I'm being made to look at whats to come and thats what freaks me out. Gosh I'm rambling again! I just want someone to tell me exactly how to think, but my mind is arguing with itself daily and its just too hard :( with regards to my little boy I'm anxious about nursery because he's really really independant at the moment and has only recently become clingy and loving towards me hah I know he'll be fine its just I'm going to be away alot at hospital with the new baby rather than being with Robert

OP posts:
Fraxinus · 22/08/2013 21:27

That is frustrating. Have they read your medical history?

It is going to be a big change for you all, so of course you are worried about how it will work out.

Perhaps you don't need to know wht to think... You need to think less. The thoughts worries and fears go round in your head like a washing machine. It might help to try some relaxation or meditation techniques.

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