Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

40weeks +7days and my husbands work want him to travel

25 replies

alex344 · 21/08/2013 17:47

I will be a week overdue this Saturday and my husbands job are putting extreme pressure on him to travel 6 hours away to the other side of the country for 2 days. He'd leave 9am Friday and return early hours of Saturday. The 2 people that could take his place are off sick so I understand they are struggling but I do not have friends or family near, although I could definitely get my mum to come she is poorly and husband would be deverstated to miss the birth of his first child.

They are threatening that they may have to hire a temp and demote him for a while if he doesn't go. I would hate to see him loose out at work as he's been doing so well or fall out with his boss.

Opinions please. Is he likely to make it in time from 6 hours away by car? He is being supportive and saying he wont go but I can tell how worried its making him. Thank-you x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nowwearefour · 21/08/2013 17:50

I think he should go. Actually I think is likely he would make it back before the actual birth. Do you have any friends who could support you through the first hours of labour?

Haddock73 · 21/08/2013 17:53

That is very unreasonable of his work, but don't worry 6 hours should be enough time to travel back if need be. Just make sure you call me ASAP if you have any contractions or waters break. He shouldn't miss the birth, don't worry.

Haddock73 · 21/08/2013 17:54

LOL should read call HIM not me! I'm overdue myself haha!

Shellywelly1973 · 21/08/2013 20:54

Thats really unfair on your dh & you.

It will probably be fine & your Dp, if necessary would make it back in time.

First Babys take ages...

SaucyJack · 21/08/2013 21:00

Ignore the previous posters...... (sorry)

First babies do not always take ages, and if you'd been me, he would've missed the birth and you would've struggled majorly to get yourself to hospital.

Six hours away is madness IMO and horribly irresponsible of his work to pressurise him Are they even acting legally?

abby81 · 21/08/2013 21:07

I can see both sides of view but tof I am shocked at the attitude of the company. I am pretty sure your wife imminently about to give birth is a pretty extenuating circumstance! Surely they would be breaking some human right or possibly employment law if they demote him because of his choosing to witness the birth of his child. Omg the more I think about it the angrier I am getting! My hubby has to work away and I can only imagine what would happen if his company suggested something similar. Does he have a HR dept he can talk to? Union maybe?

LaRosaBella · 21/08/2013 21:08

My baby was born in 6 hours from first contraction, my sister had a 2 hour labour so it's no guarantee that it will takes. I think his work are being horrid. I and DP would have been devestated if he had missed the birth, it's such a special moment.

LaRosaBella · 21/08/2013 21:10

*no guarantee it will take ages.

abby81 · 21/08/2013 21:14

I've re read your post to my hubby because I am still shocked and he sat there with his mouth open in shock. Definately don't let him go. If they threaten him again can't you get him to counter threaten to take them to court.or something. Sorry for my aggressive stance but I hate how employers treat people sometimes. Both myself and my partner have been on the receiving end of dumb ass companies who have had to be reminded of our rights as expectant parents . Sending much love and support to you.

hettienne · 21/08/2013 21:16

Can he book his Paternity leave to start on the Friday? This might be risky as you could go another week of course.

ImFineThankYou · 21/08/2013 21:18

Each person is different so no one can say for sure if he would make it back in time.
My DP worked away when dc was born and he made it back (nearly 5hour drive) with days plenty of time spare.
Good luck

lunar1 · 21/08/2013 21:19

My first labour was 2 hrs from first contraction to holding the baby. My second was 30 mins and dh only got there for the last push despite working in the hospital I delivered in.

His company are being shits.

dreamingbohemian · 21/08/2013 21:20

I think he should tell them not a chance for several reasons:

First births are not always quick, he could miss it, and you could need help

You are overdue right now it could start anytime. What if it starts 5 am Friday? He would have to cancel and then they'd really be screwed. It's actually pretty stupid for them to take that risk of being left high and dry at the last minute.

If he gives in on this, where they are being totally unreasonable, they will know they can exploit him to do anything, and it will just get worse.

I would try to get some advice from HR type people. What does his contract say about travel?

dreamingbohemian · 21/08/2013 21:27

this might be a little helpful:

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/your-rights

laeiou · 21/08/2013 21:36

They are threatening that they may have to hire a temp and demote him for a while if he doesn't go.

if you repost in employment matters you'll hopefully get some HR people tonight.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/08/2013 21:42

Or Legal Matters for an employment lawyer :)

Jbck · 21/08/2013 21:47

So if you have the baby tonight and he's on Paternity Leave what will they do then?

Original poster

alex344 · 21/08/2013 23:05

Thanks for your advice. One of the main reasons we are so concerned is that our friends had there 1st baby 3weeks ago in just a 2.5 hour labour so we know fast is a possibility.

The normal laws don't seem to apply in my husbands line of work, he will not be given any paternity leave, he may be able to negotiate 1-2days off if its convenient but that's it. It works on precedent, it doesn't matter that its illegal, its not the 'done thing' so will be frowned on across the industry and make things difficult in his future. Any legal pushing would make things worse. I have got my head round the lack of paternity leave after as I can organise friends down to help after but both of us just feel missing the actual birth could be heartbreaking and something he'll deeply regret in the future. Also in honesty I am scared to do it without him. It's just so sad as this should be such a joyful time.

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 21/08/2013 23:19

Well that's just ridiculous. You should really get some legal advice. It's 2013 for god's sake.

Is it really the whole industry that's like this? Because your husband is going to miss out on an awful lot if he can never take time off for his family.

VegasIsBest · 21/08/2013 23:40

"The normal laws don't seem to apply in my husbands line of work, he will not be given any paternity leave, he may be able to negotiate 1-2days off if its convenient but that's it. It works on precedent, it doesn't matter that its illegal, its not the 'done thing' so will be frowned on across the industry and make things difficult in his future."

Well the normal laws apply in every industry. So he needs to make a stand about the rights of Dads. Is he a member of a Union who could give him some support and advice?

From a business perspective if you went into labour the night before your husband is due to travel, then presumably
he'd stick with you and cancel the appointment. So to avoid the risk of disappointing a client it would be best to

Cancel the visit and rearrange OR
Arrange for someone else to go instead if your husband

So why can't the company do one of these alternatives now

laeiou · 22/08/2013 00:51

Is your DH James Bond?
Because the usual laws do apply, but as usual people have to claim their rights. Maybe it'd be good to set a precedent- my family now comes first. If he is 007 and the usual laws don't apply to him, what's the future going to be like?

42andcounting · 22/08/2013 04:53

My DP works away monday - friday, so we are in a similar boat... I will phone him when I think it's time, and he will jump in the car and drive the six hours home, hopefully getting here in time. Obviously I'm hoping it starts on a Saturday morning! I'll keep my fingers crossed that yours puts it an appearance before friday alex... best of luck!!

prissyenglisharriviste · 22/08/2013 05:50

Well, I've known plenty of dads that have missed births, and wives that have coped, so you just have to decide whether you have the strength or desire to make a stand. Your first post seemed to suggest you wanted to fight, but you now seem to be accepting it as a fair accompli.

You aren't doing any future families in the same line of work any favours by rolling over, but ultimately, you have to make your own decisions. If you are intending to roll over, then you need to be aware that this is your lot for the future. He will miss birthdays, christenings, other births, whatever. It's all eminently doable - lots of military families in the same boat. But even the military families make the occasional stand and where possible get time away from ops to witness births.

Just start planning a stand-in now for the period he is away. Try and get a last minute doula if no friends or relatives. I moved mil in when dh was working in the south of England whilst I was due (we lived in Glasgow). We flew her in, and then had a change-over day when my mum arrived and mil left. Dh made it back anyway (it was dc3). Quite often our bodies 'wait' deliberately until the right time, so it may all be a moot point anyway.

saffronwblue · 22/08/2013 06:10

For the rest of your husband's life he will remember being at the birth of his child. He will not remember this particular work project. I would really try to fight it if possible, or even think about an induction next week.

ImFineThankYou · 22/08/2013 07:13

Is he self employed? My DP is and we just couldn't afford for him to have paternity leave. He did have 2 days off (plus weekend) but that was all we could afford.

Flip