Please talk to me..

[PrincessConsuella]

I posted this on chat but was advices to post this here ; apologies if you had already read this..

I'd really like some help if anyone can offer any. I'm 32 and found out yesterday that I'm pregnant with my first. Since then, I've just felt totally freaked out. It was planned, but happened very quickly. Since I found out I've just felt scared and worried - I can't seem to summon any excitement or happiness about what's ahead. Everything's going to change and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope.

Also part of me is convinced that I will die giving birth leaving the baby all alone. I've been crying the whole day by sitting on the ladies loo at work. I don't know what to do.

Firstly congrats your pregnancy!
Secondly you are not the only one!! We all go through this at the beginning! I totally freaked out and rang my husband sobbing and couldn't do anything for days as I was in a world of my own!
I kept worrying that something was gonna happen to me or the baby and I couldn't shake the feeling.
I am now 26 weeks and all is fine. It just takes time to get your head around everything and enjoy your pregnancy.
Please try to relax and not stress out too much. I found breaking it down into small steps like getting to the booking appointment as one, then the 12 weeks scan at the next. It makes it seem less daunting!
Congrats again and good luck with everything xxx

I know this doesn't help, but remember you are a mass of hormones right now, of course you don't know how to feel! I think I went from terrified to ecstatic every other minute for the first week until it sunk in.
You will be able to cope when baby arrives, but just remember there will be people around you to help you if you can't. Yes people have died in childbirth but it's not likely and not something to stress about just yet!
What helped me massively was considering my mum in my position. She was just 16 when she was pregnant withher first, and couldn't tell my DGM until she was six months pregnant. She managed through pregnancy, go through a difficult labour and is without a doubt the best mother I could ever have asked for. You will find a way to cope, just as she did, just as I did, and just as countless others have. We've all shared the same doubts (but didn't voice them), so don't worry you're not alone, and you've got a great resourcein MN if you ever doubt yourself.
I was terrified that I couldn't cope with a big baby- cue visions of birthing a toddler! I blame that mostly on hormones (and dh being a giant of a man!).

You are 100% not alone... in fact this is exactly the situation I found myself in January!! DH and I thought it would take a good 18 months to get pregnant and so I thought I'd have a bit of time to get my head around the whole thing a bit more, even though I really wanted to try... but everything worked IMMEDIATELY and I was up the duff within days. Talk about a massive shock.

I absolutely crapped myself for the whole of my first trimester (understatement: I totally freaked out and spent my whole time chanting "I don't want to be pregnant, what the f*ck have I done" in my head) and then I guess the hormones kicked in and I got really excited. I'll admit I've been having a bit of a wobble again the last couple of weeks but from my own experience, I'd advise letting yourself freak out a bit and then it all happens so gradually and normally that rest assured you will get your head around it and even start to enjoy it. Just make sure you keep talking to your partner about it - that's been absolutely critical for me, that we've kept talking about how we feel, otherwise we'd have both gone mad.

And I'm also convinced I'm going to die in childbirth but it's too late to do anything about it now, I just have to face it and reading about labour really, really helped (I recommend Christine Hill's Pregnancy Guide) because I had no clue at all about any of it and understanding what's going to happen a bit better has made me realise it's all extremely normal and what we're built for and I also know I'll be surrounded by professionals who deliver babies several times a week and although bad things do happen, it's really pretty unlikely. It's a bit like how I've dealt with my fear of flying, really .

You're welcome to PM me if you'd like to chat about it a bit more . But in any case you are absolutely not the only person to feel like this and I send you huge virtual hugs.

Thanks bingeddybongo. I'm at work now, will pm you when I get home.