Planning 2nd baby when 1st is only 13 months, good idea or not?

[Marie12]

Just of the mindset that as we want to have 2 children, that it is better to get it out the way while still young (me 27 and DH 28). What are people's experiences of having 2 fairly close together?

We're currently in the same position - ds is 13 months and we're dithering about trying for our 2nd. One of our main reasons for going for it now is that dh will very probably get PhD funding by early next year, enabling me to SAH at first and then go part-time - at the moment I work FT in a very flexible job which, however, runs out in March, and dh is a SAHD/student -, while there are no guarantees that he'll get something easily after his PhD, which might mean I'd have to go FT again. Also, we would like 3 or 4 children and are thinking along the lines of 'two now, one or two later on'. ds is also very very lively and sociable, and I think a sibling who was fairly close in age would do him good. On the downside, I do worry about prematurely ending ds's 'babyhood', particularly wrt bf - I'd worry that he'd self-wean during a pregnancy.

small gaps can be very nice too. besides the obvious hard work. yes, double buggies/nappies/nursery fees is a pain, but in the end it's only the same number of nappies and nursery fees. in fact less fees as you get discounts for two.

my older two are 17 months apart, planned, and it's been good in many ways. they are such good friends, and so compatible in what we can do with them both. am not saying everyone should do it but i didn't really find it harder than having a 2 yr 8 month gap between no 2 and no 3. it just brought different issues.

Dont think there is an optimum age gap. The gap between ds and dd is 2.2yrs. However am now pg again and all being well will have a 13mth gap between dd and db so 3.3yrs from oldest to youngest.

I have a one year gap between my 2 (ds1 is 19 months and ds2 is 7 months). In fact the age gap is 54 weeks to be precise. It's the hardest thing I've ever done by a mile - it's completely and utterly relentless and I am exhausted. However, in 6 months to a year they will be able to do stuff together and they just adore each other already. Ds1 is too young to get the whole jealousy thing and ds2 just sits and watches ds1 and laughs at everything he does. 2 years seems like a HUGE age gap to me!!

piglit - same here. 1 year 15 days between mine. Funnily enough ds does show signs of jealousy - doesn't like sharing toys etc but I think that's just him, and he's a boy ! tbh I haven't found it that hard really - to the point where I am considering having another (that might be just a bit too mad). I am sure everyone has different experiences. 2 years seems like a massive gap to me as well. I am really glad we have done it like this though and would recommend it.

Tbh I found just one hard!! But you're right - it's definitely the way to go.

22 months between mine and I would not do it again, no way siree.

3 years imo, then at least one is at playgroup so you can concentrate on the newborn.

I found the first 6 months of dd2's life quite hideous.

I have 11months between mine.

It was hard. v v v v v hard.

now they r 1.5 and nrly 2.5yrs old and its fab, much easier than when ds1 was 11mths and ds2 was born.

go for it.

cx

Thanks for all your comments, I still can't decide! It needs a lot of consideration. Tbh there are a lot of pros and cons either way - wait or don't wait!

Mp - I take on board what you say. I am assuming that because DS1 has been a relatively easy baby and sleeps through the night so far, that a) he always will do, and b) a 2nd child will do, which infact they may not!

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I have 17 months between dd1 and dd2, and though I found the pregnancy and early days quite hard work, it wasn't overwhelmingly so, and I am reaping the rewards now that they are 9 and 7.5 as they play together so well! So much so that we have ds (10m) and have been ttc no. 4 since he was 5 months as we only want a small gap again!

In return for a year/eighteen months of hard work, you find the rest of their childhoods are very easy to manage IME

Dear Marie,Have ds 2.5 and dd 6 months exactly 2 year gap.Ds was a fabulous baby,slept from 4 months,really chilled.DD has been a total nightmare and ds hit terrible tantrummy phase around time of her birth.All I can say is the last 6 months have been the hardest of my life and felt as if I was losing it at about 3 months in.However Ive just started feeling it is worth it now were in bit more of a routine and dd is sleeping better(marginally).Its lovely to see the children interact,baby adores her big bro and goos and giggles at him.He is now very fond of his little sister and cuddles her (rather tight on some occasions) going "I love baby".Its certainly double the work,and I wont have any more but its beginning to be enjoyable as opposed to a nightmare now.Good luck whatever you decide