Mind the Gap

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Obviously a baby at any time would be a blessing but, if you could choose, would you go for a 2 year gap or a 3 year gap between dc?

Ds is absolutely the love of our lives but his arrival put quite a strain on my relationship with dh so we want to make life as easy as (realistically) possible second time round.

We don't have any family support so I think a longer gap would be better? That way Ds could start going to nursery a couple of mornings a week and I could spend time with the new baby? Dh is worried a longer gap means the dc won't be close (neither of us is close to our older siblings) and a big part of our decision to have another child is to give ds a little brother/sister.

Any advice greatly received. Thanks!

I don't think there is any 'right' gap, I know people that were pregnant when their first was only a few months and others that left it a few years and they have said both have pros and cons.

I knew I needed to leave a good year and a bit before even thinking about another baby as I had such bad complications with my son's labour and delivery it wasn't safe to have a small gap and my son was such a fast developer that looking back I wouldn't have been able to manage a newborn with the type of toddler he was.

I got pregnant when he was 2 and 7 months which we felt was the right time but we sadly lost that baby so then the choice was taken out of our hands and I thought I don't care about gaps anymore I just want a baby. I'm now expecting again, 29 weeks and my son is 3 and 6 months so he'll be a couple of months off 4 years old, it is a bigger gap than I ever thought I would have but it just doesn't work out the way u would like sometimes. My son and I have a brilliant relationship and I have been able to give him my 100% for a long time which has been fab. He starts pre-school in Sep and I'll have 8 weeks before I'm due to get baby's nursery sorted and have a bit of baby shopping time on my own which I'm looking forward to. My son will hopefully be all settled into school and I will then have similar one-to-one time with my newborn.
My son is so excited about the baby too and has a good understanding that we're actually going to be having a new baby. I think he'll like being able to help bath and dress the baby with me and read stories etc he's especially excited to show the baby his collection of cars! He's obsessed with Disneys Cars!

There's just under 3 years between me and my bro and 5 years with me and my sis and we're all super close so I just hope my two are as well.

Sorry that turned into quite the essay lol

hi their MogwaiTheGremlin i really dont think theirs a right age gap between children everyone will have diff views on this its when you feel ready thats what matters i have 2 children and one on the way my oldest is 4 years old thats dd1 dd2 is 19 months old and this baby is due in early november i havent ever thought about spacing them out age gap wise good luck with what ever you decide to do

Thank you both for replying. I just found a similar zombie thread which had some helpful replies too.

I think for me a bigger gap is better. I really love the newborn bit (I know not everyone does!) but ds is so full on that I don't think I could devote enough time to a new baby until ds is a bit older. Obviously I would be over the moon to have a baby at any time but I've realised there's no rush just because people keep asking about "number two"!

Good luck with your pregnancies, you both sound like fantastic mums and I bet you can't wait to meet your lovely new babies!

Really interesting! I'm thinking this but wondering between a 3 or 4 year gap. I had terrible pnd so haven't been able to think about it before now (dd is almost 22mths). I worry about the pnd coming back but think it would be different this time as circumstances have changed.

Reading this is reassuring - repeat to self: there is no 'right' gap!

Just feel guilty that dd will have to 'share' dh and I with a sibling - that's mad right?

Not mad at all! I want ds to have our full love and attention for as long as possible (and watch him turn into a spoilt brat as a result!!) and for us to really enjoy his babyhood as they grow up so fast.
If I wasn't so frickin old (early 30s ) I think I'd leave it even longer. 4 years sounds perfect to me as the eldest will be off to school and will have their own little friends etc.

We will have a 4+ year gap if all goes to plan- nearly four years between me and brother and 4.5 years between DH and his sister and it hasn't made any differences to how we got along as children.

Wouldn't be affordable for us otherwise due to nursery fees and we would like a second child to have undivided attention (during the day at least!) while the first is at school rather than having to fit around a toddler's demands!