Resentful of unemployed husband, am I being unfair?

[JoJoManon]

This is just a rant really. My husband is unfortunately unemployed and has been for 18 months.
I'm 5.5 months pregnant and am lucky enough to have 6 months fully paid mat leave starting in November. My concern is that he won't have found a job by the time my (fully paid) mat leave ends and I'll be forced to go back to work after the 6 months. Realistically I'd probably have gone back anyway even if he did have a job and we'd have put the baby in nursery but I can't help feeling that I am being forced into a situation because he can't find a job. He is refusing to consider anything in a different field when I feel like he should be willing to do whatever it takes to support his growing family. That said he is really down about not working, he is certainly not a layabout type.
He also categorically doesn't want to be a stay at home dad, but if he doesn't get a job then he will have to since we can't afford nursery fees if he is not working.
In theory you'd hope he'd have found one by next May but he is in finance and it's not that easy at the moment.
Just feel resentful that I am having to be the main bread winner as well as carry the child.
Am I being unfair to him?

To be honest with the lack of jobs at the moment he has no right to be picky especially as he has a baby on the way, and also with him not wanting to be a stay at home dad.. what does he expect to do when the baby is here?? I think he is being very unreasonable imo I would have a long chat x

OP was this a planned pregnancy? I'm asking because I think it's relevant context, in terms of what has been discussed / agreed.

18 months of unemployment will have a devastating effect on a person's self confidence, and maybe when he hears being a SAHP, he thinks he won't get back to work. That's a legitimate fear, but you need to discuss it openly. Is he depressed? If you think he might be,encourage him to see his GP.

All that said, no, YANBU to expect him to pull his finger out with a baby on the way. Pregnancy is a huge amount of work in itself, I resented the imbalance when both DH and I were working FT. I understand how you feel.

If he's been unemployed so long he needs to be looking for any work, not just in his field. It's always easier to find a job you want while employed, even if the job you're employed in is less than perfect.

I'm sure he has, but has he looked into working in a high street bank? At least that way he would keep his knowledge up-to-date, and potentially would be able to apply for internal vacancies for similar roles to his previous employment.

Baby was fully planned, primarily because I am not getting any younger (at 37, this is our first) but if truth be known I thought it might take a few months, but it happened first go. Not that I am remotely complaining about that, especially given how long it takes some people to convieve but if I'd known it would happen first go, I might have held off 6 months or so. (I genuinely don't mean this in an ungrateful way, we are both so excited about the baby).
Thanks for all of your advice, yes his confidence is shot to pieces but I do hope that he might see the light when the baby arrives if nothing else and think about being less picky. The longer he is unemployed the more difficult it is to find a job and I know he will feel totally emasculated seeing me go out to work to support us while he stays at home. Both with roles neither of us want, ie he would much prefer to be the (main) breadwinner while I would prefer having a bit more mat leave/less pressure. I have had long conversations with him but it's a fine line between giving someone a gentle boot up the bum (my words) and being "unsupportive" (his words), and usually I seem to be the latter, according to him.

Might just have to try euromillions this weekend!

Hey OP, no need to justify you pregnancy, least of all to me. Just thought it might have a bearing on how DP is handling it, iyswim.

It sounds like he's demoralised and that's making him defensive? Hard to say without knowing him but I'd think about how to support him into communicating about it. This is an irritating recommendation when you are already understandably frustrated I know and I never manage it with DH but it sounds like he can't build the bridges he needs.

Good luck, I hope he finds something soon. And congrats on the baby!

Would he be resentful of you not going back to work full time?