Pregnant and getting married

[Sallysunflowerseed]

Here's my story, I'm 33 years old and currently live at my parents house with my fiancé and 2.5 year old son. We're saving for a deposit to get our own home after years of wasting money on rent. Wedding is booked for 10 months time, dress ordered, venue booked. Found out I'm pregnant and probably due 8 months from now. Now I have to break the news to my parents and my mum is gonna hit the roof. No money, no home, 2 kids and a wedding coming up. What do I do?

Can you cancel the wedding reception and get a refund? Return the dress. It really is a waste of money unless you're rich and when you are 33 and living with mum,it's a luxury you can't afford.

There really is nothing wrong with renting, you know.

Move out of your parents. You are too old to be worried about your mum 'hitting the roof'!

But still get married and have a lovely day. Just do it low key. Ceremony at the town hall and lunch after.

Lots of money saved all round.

And congrats!

If we cancel the reception we will get charged. Hopefully we can re schedule the church and reception venue for later in the year. Nothing wrong with renting I know, but we wasted thousands of pounds renting before and if we don't take this opportunity now to save for a mortgage then we'll never have our own home. I always wanted 2 children but didn't expect the second to come quite just yet. It's come as a bit of a shock seen as I had the coil fitted last year which apparently has come out!

Ok well stay at your mum's and carry on as planned and enjoy your wedding.

Also paying for somewhere to live is not 'wasting' money. Buying a big white frock is.

Realistically if your parents/mum don't mind you staying on at hers you will have the choice of saving up a deposit...

Your mum might feel she can't cope with another child in the house, as its her home- you will have to respect that.

Or she might be absolutely fine & be delighted for you!! you won't know until you tell her.

Just remember she's doing you & your family a massive favour!!!

Renting isn't a waste of money. It gives you a roof over your head. Sponging off mum and dad at the age of 33 however...

Well thanks for all your encouraging and useful advice. I'll take it all on board and not bother posting in future.

What judgemental and unhelpful comments - I'm not surprised OP has been put off posting again. I can completely see why you want to live with your parents to save for your family's future. No, renting isn't a complete waste of money, but that's missing the point. Your parents were just helping you to afford to get married and save for your own home - geberous, but doesn't make you a 'sponger'. If you can delay the wedding by 9-10 months, that could work out. I'd do all the legwork and form a plan before telling your mum. Ultimately, the contraception failed, and you wouldn't have planned it this way either, so hopefully a delay will be understandable to your parents. In terms of continuing to live with them once Baby 2 is born, that's another discussion isn't it - the next 9-10 months might help you to save a bit for a larger rental property etc. it's not going to be the way you hoped but you're going to have another beautiful baby so will be worth it. Good luck - I hope it all turns out really well.

p.s. it isn't all about the white dress, but I think it's understandable that you and DP had been planning and hoping for a wedding. I hope you have a great day when the time comes. Congrats! xx

OP congratulations on your engagement and your pregnancy. Sometimes life throws us curve balls that seem unmanageable at the time but in hindsight are wonderful blessings.

Could you see is you can postpone the reception? You might be able to do this for no cost if you give them plenty of notice.

I'm not going to blame you for living at home with your parents, I don't know your personal circumstances. My DH lived with his mum for a year in his late thirties (before we were married) as he'd retrained and was waiting to find a job. It made far more sense than any other option.

You will be able to resolve this situation. Talk it over with your parents and partner, work out what your priorities are and how you can achieve that.

Good luck.

I don't have any advise, I hope it goes well when you tell your parents.
Just wanted to say congratulations on your wedding and pregnancy

You're entitled to be as grumpy as you like with the posters not telling you what you want to hear, but they're right.

If I were living with my mum, pregnant, with a DP and a young child, I certainly wouldn't be wasting money on a big wedding. You'd lose money if you cancelled, but it would be a tiny fraction of the money you'd lose if you went ahead.

You clearly don't want to do that, though, despite asking what you should do, so I'm not really sure what you were expecting from the thread

Hiya!

Firstly congratulations on your engagment and pregnancy!!

I'm in a similar situation. I am engaged to my partner and we had planned to get married next September. We live in a rented house with our daughter and have been saving a deposit for our first home. We have just found out I'm pregnant again :)

Luckily we haven't booked the wedding as I don't fancy getting up for a nightime breastfeed on my wedding night! However its personal choice...you could still get married but try and save money on things like making your own stationary/growing your bouquet, ask guests to bring some buffet food instead of wedding gifts etc (im sure there is a money saving wedding thread that will have advice) rather than lose your deposits or maybe they will let you change the date if you wanted to put it back?

Talk to your mum, they are wise old things! She may be delighted by the news of another grandchild that she gets to see so much of! I live a 6 hour drive from my mum so she doesn't get to see much of her grandaughter! Or she might have a plan for your forthcoming event.

Sorry i don't have much advice just so you know you are not the only one out there with so much going on :)

Can you scale back as much as possible? So still go ahead with the wedding but make it smaller and cheaper - return the dress and buy a cheaper one, cash bar, use wedding cake as desert, canapés as starters, cava instead of champagne, ask ushers and bridesmaids to pik their own outfits on a colour of your choice etc. you could also make your own bouquets/flower arrangements, favours, centre pieces etc.

Sally I think that you shouldn't feel bad about living with your parents. I know lots of people your age who are doing the same as its one of the only ways to save for a deposit, and when you own a house it's such a great achievement, plus you'll have an asset for your children's future. It will be tough and your parents might take your pregnancy as a shock but they normally come round when they think about the New bundle of joy they will have to spoil. Babies don't take up much space. If I was you I'd keep the dress but delay the wedding so you'll have time to get into it after dc2, and perhaps have a smaller wedding than planned. Not being horrible but if you're only a couple of weeks along anything can happen yet but I would tell my mum asap as she is bound to know something isn't the same about u, mums know that pregnancy face. All the best