Due today and panicking

[littleacceb]

DS2 is due today and I'm having a bit of a meltdown. I have a phobia of hospitals - fine for appointments, fine seeing doctors, even fine with whatever procedures they've thrown at me over the years, but an absolute hysteria over being kept there. Time after time I've been told I can go home as soon as XYZ happens, and then either a) all doctors and nurses completely disappear or b) it's a problem like high blood pressure or temperature purely as a result of my panic about being kept in!

When DS1 was born, I was bullied into an induction by a sneering doctor and frightened into an epidural by a midwife who bafflingly decided to tell me in the middle of my third night in the induction ward that the oxytocin drip is the most agonising experience in the world. I couldn't go home because I had to be monitored, even though at one stage I actually went 18 hours without being spoken to by a single member of staff, beyond the sandwich lady.

I just feel like I can't cope with going through this all again. I need my home, I need my family. I was planning a home birth/birth centre delivery and everything about my pregnancy has been utterly straightforward so I should be eligible, but he's just sitting there in my ribcage and I feel like he's not going to get out.

I don't know what I'm hoping for, posting. DH keeps saying it'll be ok. I'm just feeling more and more resentful towards the baby.

Have you shared your concerns with your midwife? Or call the birthing centre to arrange a visit? Or both.

It might make the place a little more familiar and less intimidating.

Oh op i just had to reply as i really understand how your feeling.

Firstly its normal to feel how you do, its like stage fright.

I get your fear of hospital, Im more scared of hospital then giving birth...after doing it 5 times!

Today just keep busy. I know it would be a waste of time to say relax & rest. Think or consider anything you can do to get labour going. Raspberry leaf tea/ reflexology etc etc.

You have a couple weeks grace so try to think positive & this baby will come when its ready!!

Take care. Best of luck. X

2nd babies often don't drop until labour starts so you shouldn't worry that he won't come out if you stayed home or were in a birthing centre.

If you are low risk (and even if you were high risk for that matter) then you are fully within your rights to stay home or go to a birthing centre, if that's where you feel most comfortable and relaxed - it's not a matter if eligibility. You can decide on the day and are free to change your mind and go in to hospital if you want to during labour. This is your body and your babies birth, don't let anyone push you into anything you're not happy with.

Thank you so much for your replies.

@Carole - the community midwives are so lovely but they just seem so harassed... My usual one has been on holiday for the past three weeks and the stand-in was already running an hour late for my appointment so I didn't want to bother her... Argh, the NHS paradox. I always feel I should be so grateful to have it available that I don't want to trouble them!

The birthing centre is beautiful - I had a look round when DS1 was being checked to see if he had regained his birth weight last time around. And I feel "safer" with their attitude of getting you home as quickly as possible.

@Shelley - thank you so much :) I took DH and DS1 to the pick-your-own in the hope that all that squatting in a field would unleash something primal, but nothing yet! It's so weird but I do feel so utterly "whatevs" about labour now - I guess because I know it's finite, while I have this irrational fear that I might never ever come home from hospital.

@Bunnylion - thank you for your encouragement! I can usually be quite bolshy just get so tongue-tied when it comes to medical stuff. I swear the docs around here have perfected the "oh great, another WikiDoctor" withering glare. I'm trying to stay as informed as possible so that I can stand my ground.

Has it happened yet? How did it go?

I felt exactly the same with my second. So much so that I was hysterical and labour ward took me in to go thru notes of my previous birth and reassure me all would be ok the second time. Give them a call. If baby hasnt arrived yet that is!!

Hi :)

Well, after two Thai curries and a spot of raspberry picking, he arrived. On paper it was absolutely perfect - 7 hours from first contraction to finish, birthing centre, minimal tearing and a gorgeous baby boy :)

But my fears make me absolutely loopy (especially when combined with gas and air), so while I was trying to explain to my husband that while we hadn't set up such a thing, I wanted to say the safe word for an epidural, the rather inexperienced midwife left to call my community midwife and ask if I had a history of puerperal psychosis. Thankfully my midwife laughed at her.

So, positive labour, negative midwife, and all the shame of a person who drank too much and talked utter BS at the work Christmas party.

My first birth was awful! 24 hours of torture! And a week stay in hospital, my second who is 12 days today was in a birth centre, went in at 3am started pushing right away, had her at 4am and came home at 9am with no pain relief as I truly didn't feel the need for it! All are different don't panic, I was more scared leaving my 18 month old at home whilst I was in labour as I didn't know how long I'd be gone as it was he didn't even notice xx