First time mum and struggling to buy ANYTHING!! HELP!!

[LabradorMama]

I'm 29 weeks with DC1 and really need to start stocking up on baby bits. I've ordered a nursery cot and mattress and the pram but that's it. Everything else I want to order is a nightmare - I think I've found what I want then I read a review and get put off. For example, after a lot of umming and aahing I decided I wanted an Arms Reach Co Sleeper cot for the first 6 months while baby is in with us. But they're bloody expensive and several reviews say the mattress is too hard. So that put me off.

Then I read loads of reviews on the Angelcare baby monitors and decided to get one of those but having just gone online to order it, I see it is analogue not digital which apparently will interfere with my broadband.

Same problem with a changing/bath unit (I have SPD and back problems and want to bath/change baby at waist height) Apparently the one I want is rubbish, flimsy and the changing mat splits if you give it a dirty look.

My brain turned to mush at the beginning of the second trimester and I've been incapable of making a decision ever since but it's just got bloody ridiculous now. But these things cost so much money and I'm determined not to make costly mistakes with only 2 paydays to go until SMP kicks in (ugh)

Please tell me it's not just me? Is anyone else struggling to decide what baby kit to buy or do I just need a good kick up the arse??

I have had three children, when I had my first I was 18 and didnt have a lot of money, most of the stuff I had was second hand or bought from a charity shop. I did buy a lovely silver cross pram from a charity shop which cost about £25 and I loved it.

What im trying to say is that most of the things you buy as a first time mum, either arent used, used for a very short time or dont need to spend loads on.

The only important stuff is a cot and pram/pushchair

Dont stress, just enjoy

Im not sure that helped really.

You don't need a kick!

When it comes down to it, bub needs somewhere to sleep, nappies, clothes and milk.

Therefore we have a Moses basket, cloth nappies prepped, hand me down baby grows and vests and stuff from NCT nearly new sales and a few bits we chose in sales in supermarkets, and I have boobs. Sorted.

We bought a cot and mattress, but it is in boxes still (I'm 37w). I have a moby wrap and a car seat and a buggy too. That's pretty much it.

I've just got the nct bednest for 6month hire and it seems very good. You don't want the mattress to be too soft die to a higher chance of suffocation. The bednest mattress seems perfect.

As other poster has said, you really don't need much. Car seat for coming home from hospital, a few clothes, nappies, wipes, muslin clothes and a bed are probably the only essentials in the beginning.

Can you just use a changing matt (or a folded soft towel) and baby bath on a tabletop until you decide what and if you really need anything else?

And do you need a baby monitor immediately? I'm 38 weeks and don't plan on putting the baby to bed alone upstairs for at least a few weeks.

Just get the bits I mentioned above and if you do need anything else, order online and get it delivered after your baby is here. That way you'll avoid unnecessary costs and making any rushed decisions now.

Are you having a baby shower? It's a good chance to make a gift list for friends and family to help out with covering the cost.

Oh dear you are in a bit of a flap! I found it really helpful to go to a big baby shop (mothercare, toys r us etc) have a play with their stuff and see what features I liked. Then go home and buy it online from wherever it was cheapest!
Or if you know exactly what items you want then make a short list and ask on here for recommendations.
Fwiw I had a mamas and papas changing unit which also held the bath which was wooden and worth it's weight in gold (still used now as toy storage!)
I didn't have a monitor, so can't recommend one of those!

And try and buy secondhand. I know it seems a bit icky when it's your first, but you'll save loads and won't feel as guilty when you don't like them! NCT nearly new sales are brilliant

I do know what you mean, OP - it's very easy to over-research stuff!

I fell into a bit of a which.com wormhole when we were looking to buy a pushchair, and in retrospect, tbh I shouldn't have done so much research and prep! In my experience you can always find bad reviews online, even for the most raved-about products.

I'd try not to let it bother you too much - if you've got somewhere safe for the baby to sleep, a pram/buggy, car seat and changing supplies. then there's not too much else to worry about, at least not before the birth. If your family are anything like mine they'll buy you packs of babygros every time they step outside, especially as it gets nearer your EDD, so it's honestly not really worth buying that much yourself just yet.

Having said that you'll probably also need a few bits for your hospital bag, such as maternity pads, disposable knickers/big cheap granny pants, cotton wool, nighties etc.

Good luck, and don't worry!

OP I did tons of research, got lots new and have never really been one for second hand but actually I'd have been much better off waiting a bit. For the first few weeks you don't need anything other than somewhere to sleep and car seat. Don't worry about a mattress appearing hard, that's what everyone says about travel cots and although they would be hard by my standards, my baby sleeps better in that than anywhere. Once bubs is home you'll start to know if they like being put down or not and therefore if a sling would be useful, you can go and try things out with them and I now buy most things second hand as they're in them for so little time. Good luck!

I completely know where you're coming from about the Arms reach co sleeper as I wanted one of those for DC4. I went round in circles going between buying one new, then thinking about getting one second hand from e bay before finally buying an Ikea Gulliver and just attaching it to the cot with one side removed. And tbh, she's probably spent more time in bed with me than in the cot ( but it does make a good storage area for chocolate and muslins!)

It's hard to not want everything to be perfect but as others have said, try and relax - you still have plenty of time and you don't need half the stuff Mothercare tells you you should.

I think it may help if you prioritise. Get the stuff you really need for a newborn ie hospital bag, clothes, car seat, Moses basket/bed nest etc.

A monitor in particular can wait. I never had one with DS - it's months before baby is out of earshot, according to SIDS guidance they should sleep near you for the first 6 months, and after that you'll hear them if they need you! If you decide you need one later, ask around other new mums and see what they recommend.

It is complicated through - so many decisions. I've done this before, and still spent 20 minutes choosing a baby gym this afternoon!

I only have a few weeks to go.. we only bought the cot the other day. Travel system finally ordered.

Bought the Tomee Tipee steriliser and bottles after asking workfriends for advice.

Other than that have enough clothes for hospital bag, also nappies and wipes that I have stocked up on weekly.

You will probably get gifts.
Chest of drawers - solid wood one that will last years - not buying changing unit.

Not getting monitor or that yet - going to be in with us.

Picked up a bath in IKEA and saw a girl on here saying it can double as a laundry basket - great idea!!!

Thank you all for your advice and kind words - I feel a lot better just having read your replies.

You're so right - as long as the basics are covered there's no need to go crackers and drive myself up the wall. Car seat was given to us by a friend so that's sorted and I've started hospital bag planning using the lists I've found on here.

There's just so much to think about and it can get a bit overwhelming (i expect the hormones don't help) so thanks for the common sense help ladies - just what I needed

The other thing to remember is to pick the brains of mums you trust. The stuff I bought on recommendation I haven't regretted! The reviews section on here is quite useful too.

Haven't read all the other comments but:

Have the baby bay maxi co sleeper and think it is great. Ordered from nct and bought separate mattress from little green sheep. DS is 4 months and very long and still fits no probs.

We have the angel care monitor and so do many of my friends. No issues and certainly does not interfere with broadband.

We have a changing station in the living room and upstairs in the room which will become ds's bedroom. For a bath we used the tummy tub which DS loved at first. Now we've moved onto a simple bath support.

Second hand is where we are getting loads of our stuff. Most of the sstuff has only been used for a short time and just needs a good cleaning.

We oicked up a eeally lovely pine cot on ebay for £40, and a Hauk nursing chair for a£36.

We are debating on secknd hand pram or not, but will check the condition first.

We are getting a changing mat which we can use on the floor or on top of the chest of drawers.

Freecycle is great for things like high chairs, baby baths, biuncy chairs, etc. And if you don't like it, put it back o bc Freecycle for someone else.

We won't get everything second hand, like new mattress, new changing mat, breast oump (manual ) etc, but we won't be going for anything fancy. I find the more basic something is, the less chance it will let me down, and is quite often cheaper.

We figure the money we save can go towards buying things like nappies and calpol!

We aren't going mad with books and toys, just a few basics. We will need to find out what DC likes before going there.

There is also a children's charity shop near me where they have loads of nearly new stuff, including maternity stuff. Perhaps there is one near you too.

I hope this helps.

We oicked up a eeally lovely pine cot on ebay for £40, and a Hauk nursing chair for a£36 = We picked up a really lovely pine cotbed on ebay for £40, and a Hauk nursing chair for £36.

Have you looked at the troll co-sleeping crib from John Lewis? Much cheaper than the arms reach.

if you're in or near London, make an appointment in the nursery dept at John Lewis and they can help you through your list. I bought pretty much everything for DD there! And sometimes you get free tea and biccies!

BTW, don't want to be alarmist but I though second-hand car seats weren't recommended? Something to do with insurance and not being able to guarantee they're in perfect condition? Could be bollocks.

What about the relatives with all the presents???? When DD was born we had a bucket load of clothes for her from the relatives, a second-hand changing mat, feeding bottles (despite breast-feeding) and a pram - she slept in the pram for the first week until we inherited a cot.

When your baby comes along you'll figure out what is needed. As you can see it is a minefield. And there is so much unnecessary nonsense that seems to designed to relieve you of your money (nappy bins?!)

I would advise - a good baby pillow, a changing mat, clothes (baby grows, tousers and socks), a sling/carrier, a pram and nappies of course. I wish I had got an Angel thingy. It sounds like such a good idea. We had a friend who luckily woke up to find their baby not breathing when 3-weeks old. Scary.

I so remember this feeling - almost frozen in indecision. You sound really well informed so I think it would be incredibly difficult for you to make a bad choice! I do agree with others though, that you can buy the basics now and get the rest later. We only really started to see clearly exactly what we needed (versus what other people had told us we needed) once our DD was with us. And it was easier to make a judgement call too - in the five minutes available to think about something, it was essential a decision was reached and preferably ordered online on those five minutes. Extra credit was given to sorting it out on two minutes leaving three leftover for a wee and a cup of tea! :)

Congratulations and all the best

Thank you for the further lovely replies! I was worried about buying everything while I still ga e the money to do so but I've decided to just put money aside and decide what we need when baby is here and the pressure is on - as purrpurr says, there's less time to faff about that way!

The car seat is from a good friend so we know its never been involved in an accident, it's in beautiful condition. They've also offered us the next one for when LO is a bit bigger as they aren't able to have any more children

I've been looking at clothes, just going for white basics as we don't know if we're expecting a boy or girl. Bit confusing - I'm not sure what the difference is between vests, sleepsuits and babygros!!

a vest and a babygro are the same thing (no legs, sleeveless/short sleeves/long sleeves). A sleepsuit has long arms and legs. Babygro goes under sleepsuit. Sainsbury's do nice unisex things.

My top tip? Don't buy 'proper' clothes until they can sit up unaided, at the earliest. And yy to a changing unit, my back would have packed up long ago, and it doubles up as good storage. Got ours in John Lewis.

We were on a tight budget for our daughter and also for the one that is currently on the way so I did a lot of careful shopping.

Ikea is great for affordable nursery basics and we have used their cots, storage furniture, changing tables, bibs etc from there and always been pleased with the quality and price.

As for clothing and bedding ASDA does an affordable range and if you are near a Matalan they are selling their sheets and blankets at reduced prices for some ranges at the moment.

Prams are tricky to choose as it depends on your car size, space at home and budget. We found the style that we liked and then kept an eye out on Gumtree until it came up second hand saving us oodles.

We have also been stocking up on bits and pieces with our weekly shop things like wipes, cotton wool, breast pads etc to save me having to go and buy it all at once.

I did get myself in a bit of a panic thinking about what to buy but I wrote a list of the essentials which helped me to focus.

I'm an over-researcher so am finding making decisions tough! Currently trying to decide between the bugaboo bee and city mini for a pram so going back to John Lewis again today to look!

I'm really starting to think I'll just cover the basics and like someone else said, buy online if I think anything would be useful after so I don't waste money.

What does everyone do about a bath with a newborn as I wondering if we can just put a small amount of water in the main bath?! Or buy a bucket as a friend has a proper baby bath which is basically a little bucket?

On the bath front, I used a baby bath which I put on the kitchen drainer and used a swing tap to fill it. I filled it really quite deep as I learned quickly my DD, long beanpole that she is, likes plenty of water covering her so she can kick about in warmth. Then I spread MY bath towel (DD hated baby towels, not as soft as the bath towel I bought myself for £6 from Asda so fair enough) on the kitchen side folded lengthways in half, as soon as her bum was on the towel I would be wrapping her up in what we called a baby burrito.

Now she is three months old she goes in the big bath with me, she's happy to float about smiling at me for ten minutes :) so much easier on your back to use a raised safe surface for a baby bath - you can get a stand from Ikea - or be in the bath with your baby, not leaning over the side.