General anxiety near due date- normal?

[mogans]

Sorry if this should be somewhere else, if you think it should be, please let me know. Ok, so it's probably baby related (37+5 with DC1) , but not consciously so. Last night and this evening i've had a racing heart beat. And feel a bit like crying (probably exacerbated by being tired from lacking sleep last night).

I slightly feel that i'm sinking. DPs mother has incurable cancer and every now and then he (understandably) closes off but won't talk to me and just insists he's fine - I think he's trying to protect me. However, the closer I get to due date, the more I am being affected by this. I'm feeling unable to talk to him about my thoughts about birth etc because of things going on with his mum. He is also so distant and where he was interested in baby things he just isn't any more as he's having trouble juggling his family commitments with our pregnancy - and I don't know how to help.

I would normally just suck it up and deal with it, but because of this anxious feeling i'm not sleeping now and i'm scared. I also feel very alone and am not sure where to turn. hence i'm here.

I was fine and excited and able to deal with all this very well (we found out about the cancer on the date of our 12 week scan so has been a feature of pregnancy). But now i'm beginnning to freak. Any advice as to whether this is all normal (getting more anxious about things generally as due date approaches), or if not as to what I should do would be really appreciated.

Thank you.

It sounds like you've got so much going on, and on top of that pregnancy hormones which can make you feel really anxious at the best of times. A lot of women experience the anxiety you describe around that time and in the few weeks after birth even when their circumstances are stress free in other aspects of their lives.

Your partner must have lots of mixed feelings at the moment too, excitement at the new baby and fear and sadness about his mum, I'd say follow his lead about whether he wants to talk about it. If you keep pressing him to talk he'll clam up and perhaps he is dealing with it in his own way.

Do you have a good friend you could talk to in RL? Or even spending some time away from the home just doing something to take your mind off of everything for an hour or two might help.

Trust that things will be ok and you are doing a good job of things already, be kind to yourself: lack of sleep, carrying a baby for 9 months, caring for your partner, you are doing fantastically already and sets you up to be a great mum. Please talk to your midwife or doctor if you continue to think your sinking or can't cope, they are there to help. You don't need to feel overwhelmed by things on your own, there are lots of people who can help you and who will care about you, they will understand this is a scary time of readjustment and that your partner is understandably going through his own stuff too.

Good luck

Awww big massive hugs to you xxx
I don't have your situation but am 33+3 and am feeling anxiety and a bit of distance and loneliness from usually close partner as labour approaches... I think it's pretty normal xxx

Thank you lily and gilly

It's good to know that the increased anxiety isn't just me, and that makes it SO much easier to deal with.

lily- I think you are right about pressing him to talk. we've been together long enough that if he says he's fine even when clearly not, there's nothing I can do to make him talk, when what will happen is inn about a weeks time when he's worked through things in his head a bit more he'll start talking to me. I'm taking the pro-active approach of making his favourite cake today instead.

I have RL friends that I can talk to but suppose I am as bad as he is sometimes with talking about stuff. Will make more of an effort. I think the anxiety kind of surprised me as i'd been okay for such a long time and just needed some reassurance that I wasn't losing it. Plus there's a lot more in-laws about at the moment, which, with impending baby can feel a bit like i'm under attack even though it isn't meant like that at ALL.

I love Mumsnet for these times. Thank you.

Ah mogans, I'm glad you feel a little bit better, you have so much going on right now. I hope the cake went down well, and when the in laws get too much just bite your tongue then come on mumsnet and check out some of the absurd in law threads on here, it always works for me!

^^ ...what Lilly said!!! :-D XXX