pregnant and confused

[luluza]

Found out last week that I'm pregnant. We didn't plan it and my husband and I are a bit scared and confused. I've been feeling sick every waking moment the last 5 days and I don't know how I can cope with more of the same. I think I'm at least 8 weeks but my periods are very irregular so I'm not sure. And to complicate matters more I was under light sedation a few weeks ago when I would already have been pregnant. Not sure if this is a problem. I'm seeing the midwife today and will see what she says. I wasn't sure if I should see the midwife or GP but hopefully she will be kind and helpful because I really need it now. We've not told anyone because we weren't sure if we would go ahead. I was hoping I would be a little excited once I was over the shock but feeling sick all the time is not helping. I'm not sure what is real feelings and what is hormones but today I just want to cry and never stop. Anyway thanks for listening, just needed to get it off my chest. My husband has been wonderful and supportive but glad I can turn somewhere else too.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Pregnancy is confusing and emotional even when it's planned so what you're feeling sounds pretty normal. Have you discussed what you plan to do with DP? Plenty of people have unplanned pregnancies and go on to be happy and wonderful mothers but remember it's totally up to you. Good luck.

Thanks for your kind reply gatsby79. When I see other people who are pregnant and have children they make it look so easy and uncomplicated but glad to hear what I'm feeling is normal.

We've talked about it and we are leaning towards going ahead with the pregnancy. I'm 36 and we realise that the possible regret of terminating and never having children would be much harder to deal with than anything else. I've blown hot and cold on the idea of having children but have never felt very broody. DH has been warming to the idea in the last two years although before he didn't want to have children. I realise we're probably just in a comfort zone and although we are perfectly happy right now we don't know how we will feel in 5 to 10 years when the option to have children is no longer there.

Sometimes I think life would be simpler if we had less options...but then maybe not...

I know how you feel. Although my pregnancy was planned, DH and I had been together for 8 years believing we didn't want to have children. Shortly after turning 34 I suddenly began to feel we would really regret it if we never had children. I was really enjoying my life and didn't really want to change it but felt, given my age, we really had to try as doom as we could. We have felt conflicted about our decision but feel we wouldn't be able to live with the alternative: not having children and possibly regretting it. I think a lot of people feel ambivalent about children, even when they are pregnant.

Soon, not doom!

Hi Luluza,

I'm pregnant with mine and my husband's first baby and feel very confused too. Our pregnancy was planned but now that it is here I feel absolutely overwhelmed by the whole thing. We were very fortunate to fall pregnant on our first month of trying but because it has happened so quickly I think I'm still trying to get my head around it all. For some reason all I can focus on is the negative aspects of pregnancy and having a child. I was over the moon when I saw the positive pregnancy test but I think that reality has now hit that 'pregnancy' is more than just a word....it is something that will change my life forever. And so many things can go wrong, there is so much uncertainty, I'm no longer in control of my own body or my future and it feels very scary.

I'm 6+3 and we have our first midwife appointment this afternoon - I'm looking forward to seeing how I react to it....

Don't get me wrong, I am happy and excited but there are still a few niggling feelings of worry at the back of my mind...

Hi luluza, firstly when you do go see the midwife, mention the all day sickness and ask her advice on what to do. She may give you some advice that may help you.
Personally, I found travel sickness bands really helped me when I was pg with my youngest.

Secondly, you may feel different about your pregnancy once youve had your scan. With the youngest, even though she was planned, I was terrified and seriously considered my options. I think that a lot of women panic when they see those two lines, even when the baby is planned!

With the sedation, I doubt it would be an issue (speaking in a non medically trained way) as if it would potentially harm a pg woman then surely they would have tested you prior to sedating (sp) you. Your mw should put your mind at rest on that too.

gatsby79, thanks for sharing. That is very interesting to hear. Glad to hear I'm not the only one with conflicted feelings. How old is your child / children?

Writerwannabe83 I feel exactly as you do! So many scary thoughts and things that can go wrong. I've always been scared of being pregnant and giving birth. I think I would be much cooler about this if it was DH who was pregnant I don't feel like myself at all which is what I find worst of all. Also wondering how I will feel seeing the midwife this afternoon. Let me know how it goes.

Thank you both. It feels good to share and I already feel better than this morning.

Thank you mouseymummy, I appreciate your advise and it already puts my mind at ease.

Luluza, you are very welcome! I'm currently pg with number 3 and really feeling it!

Feel free to pm me if you wish

Actually pregnant now! About 3 months along and the least maternal person you'll ever meet!

mouseymummy will do, thanks.

Congrats gatsby79!

I have just got back from my Booking Appointment and the midwife was lovely. I have some health problems and my pregnancy is considered High Risk which they have wrote all over my notes and so I have a Consultant appointment on the 20th September.

She also gave me the date for my 12 week scan so that's really exciting!!!! Eek!!

to be honest, I think it is because of my health that I can't manage to get fully excited about it all. I'm at the start of what looks to be a rocky road!!

I just round out I am pregnant and couldn't be more excited! It was our first month of trying and so wasn't expecting it all to happen so fast, but just want to shout it from the rooftops. I am going away tomorrow and am slightly anxious as haven't been able to see the doctor before we go, I am flying on a short 2 hour flight, is this safe? I have so many questions. This is all so new to me and although I have plenty of friends I could ask, we really don't want to tell anyone at this very early stage. I have an appointment to see the doctor as soon as we are back on Monday, can you tell me what happens after this?

Writerwannabe83 glad your appointment with the midwife went well. Sorry to hear about the health problems. Hope all will be ok for you. My appointment went relatively well and it did put my mind at ease. The midwive was as laid back as only someone can be who deals with this every day

She didn't offer much help with the morning sickness all day sickness. Basically said deal with it, thats what happens when you're pregnant

She made me randomly pick a date from the calendar when I think my last period was and based on that my scan will be scheduled between 12 and 14 weeks.

She did say that the sedation shouldn't be an issue but she will make a note of it.

We wanted to ask about termination but didn't have the courage in the end. Does anyone know? I read online I would need to be recommended by my GP to the clinic if I want it to be free. It's not something I think we will do but I would like to know my options.

11 weeks along with a planned pregnancy, but circumstances are completely wrong and i am bricking it! so get what you mean :P

Hi luluza, sorry the mw wasn't much help regarding the sickness. Try the bands and if they don't work, see your doctor. In some cases they will prescribe medication for you. It might not take away the feeling completely but may make it a lot more manageable.

You may also find that the sickness starts to ease and feel better by itself once the placenta takes over and you reach around 14 weeks.

Hope you feel better soon. Pregnancy is not all its cracked up to be and is 1000000s times worse than the films make out

mouseymummy thank you! I got the bands yesterday and it is a huge improvement!! Can you were them permanently?

I think everything I've seen about pregnancy has been on tele and in the movies. They even make MS look romantic! I had chemotherapy before and I find this much worse, especially because it is so never ending and you can't tell other people why you feel horrible.

I wore them from 6 weeks until I was 15 weeks and if I had any signs of sickness they were straight back on!

I told quite a few people early but I didn't really have much choice as my h went round telling everyone after I blurted out to my sil that I was pg too!!!

I'm currently laid in bed eating biscuits while I wait for my Lo to go to sleep! I'm getting crumbs in her hair!

Glad you feel better!!

Have you thought any more on if you are going to continue with the pg?

Yes we are going ahead mouseymumy. Told my inlaws and mother and close friends. We needed some support! Our family lives in a different country but still it helps. It is my in-laws first grandchild and they are ecstatic.

Told my manager today at work too because I'm feeling lousy again. This weekend was very bad. I seem to have changed from feeling nauseous when hungry to feeling sick when eating and struggling to keep my food down. I'm on dry toast and water since yesterday. Hats off to you who still have to looks after another child. I couldn't do it but I guess a lot of mums deal with it and just get on with things.

luluza I'm in a very similar boat if it's any consolation. Found out I was PG just after moving in with my DP, being told my post at work was being made redundant and all whilst I was doing up my house to rent out!!!! AAGGHHH!!

A pregnancy was the absolute last thing I wanted. Oh and I was just about to turn 40 too!

Anyway 3 months or so on and I am slowly coming around to being pregnant and what the end result will be. I have never wanted a child either (thought I couldn't get pregnant as I have a lot of symptoms of PCOS too) and still don't feel maternal!

All I can say is pregnancy is 9 months long - that's time to get your head around it.(I keep telling myself this!). I still have crying fits where I wonder how I will cope/afford this/not go mad but I am also having times where I feel happy about what's happening - and when I feel baby movement it does make me smile. My outlaws are also over the moon with the news and that helps.

As for sickness I lived off anything containing ginger and bland food such as toast and plain biscuits for about 5 weeks!

Hang in there lovely - now you have made the decision to go through with the pregnancy things will fall into place. xxx

Thank you for your words of encouragement Xenadog :-) it helps a lot. [Flowers] although it is still scary I am getting used to the idea and the sickness have taught me to take it day by day.

Early pregnancy is bloody hard! I ended up signed off with sickness and am still feeling rough some days at 15 weeks. It does get better though. It is hard to feel positive at all when you feel so wretched so try not to feel bad about it, you will perk up when your symptoms ease and start to feel more like "you" again. If you have found the sea bands useful you might like acupuncture - I've found it a big help in making coping with symptoms better. Good luck - before long you'll be feeling much better

Thank you misskatamari. Went to see the GP yesterday as Ive struggled to keep anything down since Sunday. She prescribed Promethazine. It helps with the nausea but makes me feel very drowsy. At least I can eat again!