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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Have any first time mums to be lost friends since pg?

17 replies

mrspaddy · 06/08/2013 08:57

Hi, I am a bit upset about one of my closest friends - used to party every weekend etc.. she is younger than me and we used to have a laugh. When I first met my DH, she went 'funny' on me but all was ok. She gets a little bitchy about partners of siblings/friends etc. 'Ughh.. he's bald, she's very plain etc'.

Anyway .. she met someone earlier this year - first relationship. Also I am expecting now. She text me... 'oh you have to meet my gorgeous man'... I text that would be lovely.. but something along the lines of don't worry too much about looks friend, as long as you are happy that is the main thing. Also I suggested a night out and said I was delighted for her.

Now she popped around once with a mum to be card and flowers but since then.. nothing except random texts. A relative of her passed away lately and she didn't tell me.. waited a month to text (my birthday.. then put that in randomly).

Anyway - maybe the friendship was never that good.. I can't say anything.. she gets moody.

Maybe I shouldn't have text that about not worrying about looks but it annoys me how much emphasis she puts on appearances and is false as in front of people 'oh he/she is lovely' then slates her own brothers girlfriend. AGghhhhh.. feck it.

I don't know if it is the fact that we haven't much in common now, the new boyfriend or what. It is just weird. We used to text/chat now nothing.

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Lovemyprincess4eva · 06/08/2013 12:50

Hey sorry u are having a hard time with your friend.
I wouldn't say I had lost friends but certainly don't see or hear from them as much now I'm pregnant. I used to speak to them all the time and we were always going out etc but now that I'm pregnant they don't seem to bother with me anymore and I am always last to hear of anything that is happening.
I did try and speak to one of them but she said it was me and I didn't wanna do the same things as they do. But I don't understand that as I have been to every party they have had, been to concerts with them (I was driver) and even went on a weekend away with them. But when I am with them they hardly speak to me and by the end of the night I just feel like a spare part and end up going home early.
So no it's not just u. Think if people don't have children themselves thy struggle to understand when things have to change for you. X

Madratlady · 06/08/2013 13:48

I've got a friend who's being quite difficult as she's jealous of my pregnancy, which she has admitted. Her and her DH have chosen to wait a while to TTC for various reasons, but that doesn't mean she's not envious of me having a baby first. I think it'll get easier and we'll become closer again in the end, but she's not being very pleasant to spend time with at the moment.

JakeBullet · 06/08/2013 13:53

Oh sorry to hear this, I had a friend who was similar when I was expecting my first baby. Her children were all grown (I was a late starter lol) and it was as though I had suddenly stepped into another world when I became pregnant.

I don't know what to suggest except just maintain some contact (if you ant to), I just rang my friend occasionally and asked how things were etc.

Now DS is 10 (it goes quick) and I hear more from her but sadly we have never got back that closeness that we had pre DS. But...I have many other new friends as a result if this Mummy business....and so will you x

Original poster

mrspaddy · 06/08/2013 17:55

Thank you girls.. feel a lot better about it all now.. I will keep things lighthearted and friendly. I don't know.. I suppose life changes and actually my friendship with another girl has got a lot stronger as a result of us both due around the same time..
Always good to have Mumsnet too xxx

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GiveMeVegemite · 06/08/2013 19:39

I lost my best friend when I became pregnant. She was supposed to be bridesmaid at my wedding and we had been friends since we were 6 years old. When I became pregnant she started reducing contact, I ended up confronting her and she said "I just cant be happy for you, I think you could have done so much more with your life, what happened to us travelling etc etc." basically a self centred rant. So I said that if she couldn't be happy for me, when I was the happiest I had ever been, then she wasn't a real friend and we haven't spoken since....

TruJay · 06/08/2013 20:03

I only have one friend left from before marriage and pregnancy, one girl said she hated that I didn't want to go clubbing or anything anymore?! Erm probably because of the beach ball under my top and I would rather sit at home with my hubby and watch a film lol it sucks but I just figured that they weren't true friends to begin with. And honestly I now have some of the closest, most supportive friends I've ever had who I have me at playgroups etc. My son is going on 4 and I met my close knit group of friends at baby group when our kiddies were all weeks old, some have had second babies and I'm expecting again and we just get closer. Try not to worry, u will meet some lovely people at groups etc and watch ur babies all grow up together x

BunInMyOven93 · 06/08/2013 20:09

Completely understand. I never get invited out/to nights in since ive been PG. My 'friends' seem to think.that im unable to socialise just because i cant drink/smoke with them all anymore.

IME, i now know who my real friends are.. And the ones who they turned out to be really suprised me!

Kelly1814 · 06/08/2013 20:25

I have found this,mainly because I have had a high risk pregnancy and ordered not to stand or walk or be upright unless necessary. This has massively impeded my socialising skills. Have had friends around for dinner (when I lie prone on the sofa!) but I can't go out like I used to.

I really miss it and miss my friends...

Lovemyprincess4eva · 06/08/2013 21:51

Agree with buninmyoven I really have found out who my real friends are whilst I've been pregnant and I have been quite shocked at who it turned out to be. People who I didn't spend a lot of time with out if our social group have become really good friends are really been there for me through some hard times xx

BunInMyOven93 · 06/08/2013 22:18

So true lovemyprincess .. Bad thing is my best friend who has a 6month old baby is one lf the ones who has jibbed me off... After i was there for her through her whole pregnancy. Just keep ur true friends close chick :) x

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 06/08/2013 22:24

So true what you are all saying...I have a mixture of not being invited to things, and finding out about it later, or friends who have obviously got a problem with me being pregnant for their own reasons...I would never push scans in anyone's face, I had a miscarriage last year and I am sensitive to people who might be going through the mill...but still, you expect your friends to be supportive.

People who I didn't feel so close to have really come into their own though - I have had support from unexpected places! Which is lovely. I guess big life events do this - you realise who you are on the same road as, and who just doesn't even get why you would want to go in that direction!

Lovemyprincess4eva · 06/08/2013 23:14

I have friends who have actually told me they don't want to be around me until they become pregnant!! I understand its difficult but we have all spent time waiting for it to happen to us but I never turned my back on people because they had children. I have spent many a night sat in friends houses having a take away because they didn't have a sitter as well as days at the park surrounded by other people's children even after I had a couple of mc's. because its no one else's fault you don't have children yet. Some people really get on my nerves with it all.
But honestly you really do find out who your friends are and think the ones you make when you have your children are the ones you will keep for a long time xxx

Original poster

mrspaddy · 07/08/2013 14:48

This has given me hope.. I can't believe it really.. I suppose there as many good people as self centred one's. Well my door is always open to a good friend so hopefully I will get that experience of meeting nice people through having a family.. always have a ready made friend in little baby too .. thank you all

OP posts:

LateBear · 07/08/2013 21:24

I'm pretty sure my 'best' friend isn't interested in my pregnancy. We live in different countries and keeping in touch can be a challenge but she hasn't contacted me once since I've been pregnant (except a short response to a mail I sent). We were just about the last ones left in our age group who didn't have kids .... But I think the dynamic has changed now...

BunInMyOven93 · 07/08/2013 22:49

Tbh, i think that some women can be jealous of friends who are pregnant. Especially if they dont have kids. I think that if they have had miscarriages, or cant have children then fair.enough, i wouldnt shove in anybodies face how happy i am if i knew that they were going through that. But 'friends' who.dont speak to u or bother with u just because you're pregnant are ridiculous.. Some people just dont want to be happy for u. As upsetting as it is -- ive decided to cut these 'friends' ouf of my life. Dont need them! :D we all have our fellow mumsnetters lol.x

Lovemyprincess4eva · 07/08/2013 23:01

Totally agree bun I have just given up on those that don't bother now!! Don't need or want them in my life if they can't be happy for me xx

BunInMyOven93 · 07/08/2013 23:04

Here here!! :p

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