total abandonment

[saffkey1]

Hi all.New to this forum thing but here goes.I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have been basically abandoned by my partner...or I suppose my ex.He started being strange when I started to get bigger..spending all his time with his friends and letting me down on promises he had made.two weeks ago after another weekend of it I told him to leave me alone.I lost my Grampy on July 9th and he was insupportive and I had had enough.well since then he has..no call..no text not even to ask after our baby.I contacted him yesterday..no reply.feel absolutely alone,let down and devastated.With this and my beloved Grampy passing I've just become low and am not enjoying my pregnancy at all.anyone else had this?

Really sorry to hear that. I haven't had a similar experience, but didn't want to read and run. I am sure a more wise person will be along with proper advice shortly x

I haven't had this but didn't want to leave you alone.

Perhaps the thing to do now is to decide what sort of support you need (such as during the labour and afterwards). Perhaps contact the CAB to find out what help is available for women in your situation. Do you have anyone else who could act as birth partner?

After the child is here, you will need some child maintenance. They get mixed reviews but its probably worth calling the CSA as they will follow this up for you.

Where are you living? Is it your place?

It's harsh to say but you can well do without that -especially at a time like this...sorry but what an absolute tosser. It doesn't make your situation any better but well done you for having the guts to tell him you'd had enough! Maybe this is his way of trying to 'punish' you for giving him a dented ego?! If he is unsupportive under these circumstances, how much of a support would he be when your wee baba comes...???

If you can, put yourself and baba first and just see what time brings, how he responds, etc... if you back off he might just grow up a bit and come running...

In the meantime, do you have good people you can surround yourself with to help you through the coming weeks... family, friends? Xxx

Oh yes I have a large family and my parents are very supportive..my mum will step in as my birthing partner.I live in my own house which used to belong to my dad so that's perfectly fine.I am just unsure about what to do once baby is born..and whether to contact his father when i labour.I was married before and although this is his first child it isn't mine,we lived together happily with my children as a family unit and he was wonderful to.them which only makes this more bizarre I feel.it is completely different to when.my marriage ended as that was a mutual thing and not at all like this.

I have completely backed off too,I'm far too proud to keep trying to contact him
He knows I'm pregnant and was thrilled...i wont go begging to him to support us.x

I'd say... don't make too many projections into the future for labour etc... just try to focus on each day for now as it comes and looking after yourself above all else... you need to be conserving your energy instead of wasting it chasing after folk. He's a grown up (or should be) at the end of the day and he needs to man up and be there for you and his child. If he can't do that... is he worth it?

I'm assuming he knows how many weeks you are and when due date is? In that case, if he's a decent and good person he will make sure he knows and is around for labour/birth when the time comes. If he doesn't step up at that point, HE will be the loser.

I've been in relationships with guys like this as you describe and they were generally selfish, immature and self-absorbed people. Fortunately I was never preg to any of them so I really feel for you.

Btw I am 33+2 which is why I felt conpelled to respond to your post! I really hope things work out for you the way you want them to. Please just look after yourself, stay strong and don't take any crap... you're growing a gorgeous new wee life inside of you after all!! Xxx

My first husband was similar. Stuck it out through the preg, but told him I was orf as soon as baby and me were up and about enough. Stayed there til 7 months whilst househunting and so on for flats, me doing all the baby, him going to work and out to gigs. Left. Never regretted it (although was sad for me and the baby for the life I thought we should have had). Grotty, hard decision, but if you kept him/take him back without being thoroughly convinced by his story that he'd been taken by the body snatchers, you'll be stuck with a loveless, lonely relationship which revolves you and the baby around him like a pair of satellites around him being the centre of your lives. What an utter waste of your own life.

Good luck, if you decide to keep him booted out - it does get better, and in the end, your new life with you at the helm will feel like a valuable decision, rather than being what gutless left behind. Hope he lives a tortured life, gutless arsebag. God, I love swearing online. Very cathartic!

I love swearing too..especially about him.oh yes he knows etc was absolutely thrilled its bizarre.but as you say its his loss not mine.he is someone I don't know at the moment.