17 weeks pregnant and already being treated like another totally irrelevant patient..

[StillPukin]

Just found this letter addressed to my dr in my notes...

""Thank you for referring the above woman on ther 2nd pregnancy (its my 3rd, 2nd was miscarried, obviously irrelevant to them). Delivery place has been discussed with her (no its not) and she has opted to deliver in hospital (I definitly have not).
Midwife only care has been agreed. (difficult seeing it hasnt been discussed, I'd like to know what other options are available).""

It just reminds me of my experience of being disregarded during my 1st pregnancy. Makes my blood boil.

Who was the letter from?

The midwife from my first appointment

stillpukin sounds a bit horrible. If it helps, I'm sure it's not personal - my GPs merrily booked me in for my 16wk check up, but when I got there, the doctor told me they don't offer antenatal care! It can be a bit confused sometimes. Have a nice cup of tea and don't let it spoil things for you.

I'm sure it isnt meant to be personal, maybe I'm being a bit over-sensitive. Its just that I had a really horrible time during my first labour/delivery and I'm keen to avoid the same thing happen this time and I've been really keen to discuss my options with the midwife or someone from the maternity team but it seems nearly impossible since both appts so far have been really rushed, then when I saw this letter I felt as though my wishes are being treated as not relevant.
Sorry for the moan :( x

Oh, that infuriates me. It's not that you're not being treated as a person, it's that they're using templates to say what they've done. When they haven't. You should pull her up on it, and tell the GP clearly that none of this has happened.

You don't have to apologise! It's shit being made to feel less important than you are!
My mum had similar - awful, awful time with me, stood up for herself second time around, great mw and my sister was born in 2 hours, no pain relief! Don't feel bad standing up for yourself, but don't take it to heart - they have demanding managers, and deadlines, and they're not doing it to upset you.

Not a solution, but could you add your own note to the mw's stating your side? A consultant popped in to see me after my 12 scan, and suddenly there was an agreed birth plan in my notes - news to me! I saw the head of midwives who signed a mutually agreed birth plan, so if you aren't getting anywhere you could ask to see yours

Just to add, that if you had a bad birth last time (and that includes feeling ignored pre-labour), there may be a Traumatic Birth Clinic you could attend to discuss the plan going forward and put your mind at rest about this pregnancy.
I was offered this because of my previous birth and it has really helped.

That's shit and you have absolutely every right to be utterly pissed off!

I would annotate it as you have above and take it to your next antenatal appointment and see if you can see about not seeing that mw again.

The traumatic birth tip above is a good one.

Good luck!

It's so far from what happened that I am wondering if there could be a clerical error. The MW team probably see a number of new faces every week, and it's possible that they put your name on the wrong text. And that somewhere there is a parallel baffled woman saying "But I thought we'd agreed MW only care! Why is she still talking about the need to discuss options later?"

Thanks for listening to me moan :) I've decided to reply to the letter (even though it wasnt addressed to me initially) quoting everything in it that is incorrect and I've sent a copy to my GP and to the midwife who wrote it.
Hopefully they'll either stop and realise they've got to actually speak to the 'patient' before speaking for her ,, or if it is a mistake, they will get it sorted.
Waiting to hear back from them.
But I'm definitely not going to be walked over this time - its crazy that anybody should have to fight so hard just to be supported during their pregnancy and delivery - I hardly saw a single person during my first labour and birth, it was pretty scary and lonely!