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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

24 replies

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 18:59

So I am sick to death of OH's family. None of them ever bother to come and see him or even bother with our lil girl, not even his own mother.

His sister (who is fine by the way if anyone had read my previous thread.) was at hospital on friday and OH took time off WORK to help her move her fecking stuff from one house to the next. Don't even get me started, seriously. Can't afford time off for DD's sports day, etc, but can for his sister!

Anyway, thursday, rang him to see where he was, sat waiting an hour for him to come home, at his sisters fitting her blinds.

Friday, was moving her house.

She then texts on sunday fecking morning asking if he can go and fit her carpets and god knows what else!!!

If it isn't his sister it's his bloody mother or brother. Again, none of them EVER bother with him, but the minute they need a house repair or 'favour' they're straight on the phone.

What's pissing me off about his sister is that she knows he has a full time job and already took time off work to help her and now she's asking if he can go do her carpets on his day off!!!

SO, am I being unreasonable?? Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. Every bloody house they have it's always this bullcrap. None of them are in a house for no more than 6 months.

Grrrr, rant over, lol.

OP posts:

LittlePeaPod · 29/07/2013 19:07

Hi Op,

I would do anything for my family regardless of how often they come to see me. I love my brother, sister and mum unconditionally. So I would do exactly what you OH has done for them. They are his family. So on that basis I think YABVU.. I am sure others will disagree with me.

On a separate note. Was this post supposed to be on the AIBU threads rather than pregnany thread?

MNHQ

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 29/07/2013 19:10

@LittlePeaPod

On a separate note. Was this post supposed to be on the AIBU threads rather than pregnany thread?

Let us know and we can move it there MNHQ

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:15

If you knew what his family were like you'd have a different opinion, lol.

Like for example when OH's auntie won quarter of a million at bingo, his mum and husband left her with £86k and took the rest, didn't even offer for OH to do the things in the house that needed doing and paid someone else to do it knowing we needed the money, but now she's skint, in debt and running from one house to another they expect his help. Family or no family I'd tell them to pee off, but that's just me.

and no, I see a lot of other people posting rants about their relationships so I thought it was ok to post this here.

OP posts:

Newmum0113 · 29/07/2013 19:15

I know it can be frustrating but look on the bright side - your DH is obviously a caring family man and wants to hel his sister in her time of need.

You could have a word with him though about how much he is doing for her if it bothers you that much.

My DH is constantly helping family out because he is (annoyingly!) good at everything. I would rather that than have a lay-about-the-house slob for a hubby.

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:16

Oh just delete the thread then if it's not acceptable

OP posts:

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:18

Yeah but what's annoying for me is that I've been waiting for him to help me redecorate for over a month now and lay the new stairs carpet. It's just annoying that he can jump to their commands, but leave me to do everything on my own. I probably should have put that in the op.

OP posts:

LittlePeaPod · 29/07/2013 19:20

I agree withNewmum. Your OH is clearly a caring man and doesn't hold any grudges or frustrations against his family. He wants to help his mum and sister in their time of need and on that basis I think you have a lovely OH.

Why don't you speak to him about how upset / angry a little bit bitter sorry you are that his helping his mum and sister so much. It wouldn't really bother me.

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:20

I dunno, maybe it's just me being funny..

OP posts:

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:22

So I'm being bitter because my OH can do things for his mum and sister's house and even his brother's girlfriends house, but not ours?

And he sits there himself saying he's going to tell them he's sick of it but never does.

Must just be me.

OP posts:

LittlePeaPod · 29/07/2013 19:24

Have you spoken to him about how you feel? If I was that upset about something I would speak to DF about it and explain why I felt so unhappy about something. He may maybe spend more time doing what you want him to do.

I hope you can resolve it to both your satisfaction. Best wishes Op.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 29/07/2013 19:27

Are you pregnant? Just wondering if it's hormonal rage! Sorry, joking. On a serious note if you don't think your dh is putting you and your DD first then you should tell him. Sounds like they're taking advantage, to me.

Original poster

NxYxC · 29/07/2013 19:29

Yeah, I am, can you tell? haha.

. I'm thinking it's my hormones too, but THANK YOU! It's not just me going crazy is it? They're full on taking him for a ride. Even my mum agrees with me and she even thinks sometimes they're doing it to wind me up, but I dunno, you can't force someone to do something eh?

OP posts:

lozza22 · 29/07/2013 20:28

Nxyxc i totally understand where ure comin from and dont think ure being unreasonable to expect the same from him as he gives his family. My dp is same and can a right tit when it comes to things like that

DaleyBump · 29/07/2013 20:36

I think YAB a little U. He seems very caring, and although it must be frustrating his sister needed his help and he helped her. Maybe talk to him to explain how you feel?

Lovemyprincess4eva · 29/07/2013 21:32

Totally understand where you are coming from as I would feel exactly the same. I get annoyed when DH says he cants do something with me then does things for his family or friends and I did before I was pregnant so would be even worse now haha.
Hope you get sorted but you are not being unreasonable xx

Razzdazz · 29/07/2013 22:03

I would feel pissed off too

HumphreyCobbler · 29/07/2013 22:08

I think if he could take time off to help a sister move then he should bloody do it for his kids.

TangfasticMrFoxalastic · 29/07/2013 22:15

Fine helping family, family comes first. However, you are his family now. Yanbu to expect dh to do jobs at home he's already promised to do first, before taking on favours

KarmaBiatch · 30/07/2013 14:10

He chose you to be his partner and start a family with you, therefore you should be his priority.

I do no think you are being unreasonable in the slightest. Have his family always been demanding? they say jump..

As mentioned by others, it is lovely that he is obviously a caring and supportive family member, but he needs to start putting it your direction.

You need to have a wee heart to heart and explain how this is really affecting you, he might not even realise that you are feeling so down and angry about it.

hug

AhoyAhoy · 30/07/2013 14:21

Had to comment, seems like you are in need of some support her OP. I completely agree with KarmaBiatch. Yes, his mother, sister etc are important, but his new family- including pregnant wife should come first.

And although you seem really annoyed at the moment, I hope you can see that you are so lucky to have a partner who is so useful and willing to offer his help, hopefully he'll start channelling more of that in your direction when you speak to him.

anna891 · 30/07/2013 14:44

You are not being unreasonable. You and your baby are his main family now. His first loyalty's should be to you.
His family sound very selfish to me.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 30/07/2013 15:59

I remember someone once telling me 'love is infinite, it doesn't diminish by being shared'. I sort of thing the same about this situation.
If your DH isn't neglecting you/your family, but is helping his sister as well, then where's the problem? If he is, apols, reading at work so not v thorough.
I'd also carefully and gently, possibly whilst backing away suggest that your OH's family aren't bothering with your DD because they are in a difficult situation - if your DH's sister is moving every six months, she doesn't really sound in a position to come along to events/spend lots of time with you. Why do you want her to?

LittlePeaPod · 30/07/2013 16:26

humpty I am with you. I think you can love all your family, your partner and DC. I love my DF dearly but I don't love my mother, sister and brother any less. I just love them in a different way. They are all as important to me as each other.

I am probably wrong but from reading the posts it seems that the issue is the fact you feel your OH is not doing some of the things you would like him to do for you. This isn't his mother and sisters fault, this is something that as a couple you should consider discussing. Tell him how you are feeling about the situation. Maybe you would not be as upset about the situation if he did the staff you need doing at home? Or is his mother and sister the actual problem? Would you prefer he didn't spend that time with them at all?

Like someone said, he probably doesn't even know. Speak to him and see if you can resolve it so you are both happy. Nothing worse than stressing out whilst pregnant. I am 17+5 and avoiding anything stressful if I can help it.. My hormones wind me up enough without getting caught up in stressful situations.

Rtfairy · 30/07/2013 17:55

You don't sound like you are being unreasonable at all. Your OH has a family with you and this should be his priority. Whilst it is fine for him to do favours for his family he shouldn't be expected to drop everything to fit carpets etc. Not surprised you're getting upset, especially being pregnant, so would I. You should tell him how you feel.

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