pg after miscarriage, struggling

[Aleida]

Hi,
I had a chemical pregnancy back in October - had never heard of them so thought I was pg for six weeks then got my period - bit weird and upsetting because I thought it was a miscarriage. Then I did have a miscarriage in April, it was a blighted ovum so no baby growing but was 12 wks when it happened.
Now I'm pg again, 5 wks but finding it really hard. I'm convinced it's not going to last and it's making me feel really up and down emotionally. Not feeling particularly pg - not sick, boobs not super sore. Now I have numbness down my right thigh. It's just not knowing again. It's doing my head in. Husband tries but doesn't really understand. I know lots of people have had much worse but I'm finding it really hard to just keep diving back in.

Here to hold hand until someone with experience and knowledge comes along xx

Hun I can totally sympathise with u I had 2 dc then when my dd was 3 i had 2 mcs in the space of a year I then decided to give up fell pg again 8 years later which ended at 9.5 weeks with a mmc in dec 2012 then fell again in jan 2013 I am now 27 weeks and have felt paranoid since day 1 every little niggle and pain and even now I am convinced baby will either be prem or something is going to go wrong at the birth or after long and short of it I think after u have been through anything like this it is only natural speak to gp and /or midwife ASAP they gave me scans from 6 weeks to put my mind at rest and have been brilliant
Look after yourself and take plenty of rest keeping my fingers crossed for u Hun and congratulations hope all goes well xxx

Oh and I had no symptoms at all till about 8 weeks and asked midwife why last time I had them before I even got bfp and she said sometimes there is a big hormone surge due to there being something wrong and your body trying to tell u so sometimes no symptoms is a good sign it was for me :) xx

It is something that will feel better as your pg progresses. I've had 2 mc and now gave 3dc. And with all the pregnancies I found I only relaxed after the 12 week scan, especially as with dc1 and 3 I had little or no symptoms.

I know it's hard to relax and you're probably trying to protect yourself by not getting your hopes up and enjoying this pregnancy. But it will get easier with time.

Best wishes

Hi OP, like you I had a blighted ovum discovered at my 12wk scan, and then got pg again a couple of months after. I had been struggling with anxiety/depression after my MC and got some help from CBT through my GP, which thankfully gave me a few strategies to use when I did become pg. I think worrying is almost inevitable though.

I totally empathise with the anxiety and feeling like you can't invest in the new pregnancy. Have you considered booking in for an early reassurance scan? It won't alleviate all the pressure but it might help you if like me you were worrying that once again there is nothing really developing. The other thing that might help is a book called The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy, which is recommended by CBT practitioners. I also found a book called Unspoken Losses was very helpful at dealing with my grief from the MC (which it sounds like you might still be going through).

The other thing is to find some RL support, if you are finding you are not on the same wavelength as DH. Lots of people aren't sure initially what to say in regards to MC and the subsequent emotions, but I found regardless that friends were willing to listen and understand.

It is hard, particularly for the first few weeks. Personally it got loads better for me after we had passed 12 wk mark, and now I am enjoying my pg with no worries really (20wks). Statistically you have to remember that odds are in favour of this one being fine and dandy. I wish you all the best.

I understand. I had a miscarriage at 9wks in March and am now 7+5. I find every day long and full of worry. I'm convinced something will go wrong and am analysing every little niggle and pull. I don't think there's an answer. I get a lot of comfort from these boards and I have planned a few things a week to do until 12 week scan. The things arent really baby-related but things like clear out rooms, cleaning, organise photos, that sort of thing. I also went for a scan on weds (7 weeks) as I wanted to know that it was ok thus far. As Nurse told me, they don't have crystal balls but today, all is ok and I am trying my best to be positive and if I can't be, then i distract myself. I try to think that the baby I lost wasn't meant to be, wouldn't be right if it did survive etc so this is what was meant for me. It's hard but it'll be worth it. I'd definitely talk to MW about an early scan and if they wont, then maybe go private.

I also had two early losses before my current pg, with baby now due any day now. I felt just as you do pretty much up through 20+ weeks and anxiety about things going wrong has returned at the very end as well. But we're all so individual in how we respond to mc, so am wary of offering advice rather than sympathy.

However, if it's useful, things that helped me were i) learning all I could about what was and wasn't known about repeat mc (the book Coming to Term was excellent for this), ii) reminding myself umpteen times per day that my worry wouldn't alter the outcome but would make me tired and miserable, iii) talking on here with people who'd been through the same and come out with a positive story and iv) being open with friends and family about mcs and anxiety so they could support me in real life, v) remembering the odds were very much in my favour to have a healthy pg at some point, vi) speaking with GP and consultant and getting a clean bill of health.

Wishing you all the best for a healthy pregnancy you're eventually able to enjoy.

Ooh - I also found a private reassurance scan at 16w to be a very good use of £60. Broke up the wait btw 12 and 20 and kept me reassured that all was progressing. In my area early scans are also offered to anyone with a history of m/c, so got to see the progress at 8 weeks, too.

Hi Aleida, I know how you feel. I had a MMC at 11 weeks last year. I'm now 12 weeks with this pregnancy, had my scan on Friday and saw the baby wriggling around. Since then I've been starting to believe that it's true, I'm pregnant and everything's ok, but the weeks before that were very hard; I was dreading getting to the scan and being told the baby had died (I knew there'd been a baby in the first place because I had an internal scan at 6 weeks and saw the heart beat, normal practice where I live).

You've had some difficult experiences (yes, as you say, others have had worse, but don't play yours down), but that doesn't mean you won't have a successful pregnancy this time. Good luck.

Alieda. Congratulations.

as others have said I know how hard it is. I had a mc this February at 7 weeks. DF and I were devastated. I am now 17+3 and I am still worrying. It gets easier as the weeks pass but the fear is still there. DF and I had some reassurance scans early on and they really helped me get through the 12 weeks.

Thanks everyone it really does help just to have a bit of support and empathy :-) Sorry to hear about your mcs. Hopefully all will be well for us this time round.
V good idea about an early scan - not sure if they routinely offer them after mcs round here but the midwife I saw last time was very nice so I think I will try to get an early appt & ask for one.
Thank you again xxx

You have my sympathy Aledia. I am 11 wks pg at the moment, had a second trimester mc previously and an extremely prem baby (at 23 wks) prior to that. I am also a nervous wreck and the weeks have gone so slowly. I had an early scan at 9 wks because I had some bleeding - my GP booked a scan with the EPU at hospital. Maybe you could ask your GP to arrange an early scan to put your mind at ease?

I'm in the same boat - just 5wks and first cycle following a miscarriage. I'm utterly terrified and analysing everything. I too have no pg symptoms. I'm going to push for an early Scan at 8 wks but I don't hold out much hope.

Good luck to us all!