Expecting 2nd baby and feel really sad...pls help!!

[MummyLuce]

So I just found out I'm pregnant. In a way I'm happy and feel lucky and obviously want the pregnancy to go well, but my 1st baby is only 13 months and it feels so soon...
I have just gotten skinny and back to pre baby figure again, and dd1 has become very easy..she sleeps well, eats well and is so much fun to be with now! I love our little trio and we go on all sorta of trips together...adventurous holidays, music festivals, lovely restaurants etc etc. I'm so worried that will all change with another and that dd1 won't get enough attention, or that the new baby won't get enough attention.
I feel like I'm losing my life all over again...back to no drinking, no skiing, then after the birth breastfeeding every 2 hrs...
Anyone feel the same or have any pearls of wisdom??

Hi my 2 dc arent as close in age my ds is 5 and my dd 4 months but I can say I felt like that for the last few weeks of pregnancy and then it hit really hard when I brought dd home. I wont pretend its easy its not but now things are in a bit more of a routine it is getting easier. Ds loves his little sister and only complaint ive had is cant she cry a bit more quietly im playing/watching noddy etc lol

do mention it to your mw though I wish id gotten help to work through how I felt before dd was born ad well as after.

Sorry posted too soon but it is exactly how I felt going back to baby days when my ds is 5 and I was fit and working out. It will be fine

Try to focus on the positives, DC growing up close etc

I'm the same! My DD is 10 months old and yesterday I found out im expecting number 2! There will be 19 months between them! I'm scared about how I will cope and abit upset as I'v only just started to feel like me again! I'm hoping this feeling wears off, OH is so excited! I wish I could feel the same! We were planning on getting married next sept aswel, now that will be put back until april/may 2015, I know it sounds selfish but I can't help feeling sad :(

I felt the same when I got pregnant with DC2 (currently 38 weeks), I think it's natural to think what have I done when life has got so lovely with one after the hard first bit. You've just got to focus on the fact that you did (presumably) want two, pregnancy and the newborn bit do go quickly (relatively speaking), your DD will love her sibling and you can still do all the things you did before with two - it will be even more fun watching them play together - and it'll be a lovely age gap, hard at first of course but as they get a bit older you will reap the benefits.

xx

My two boys were born reasonably close together and I had exactly the same feelings as you- absolutely devastated for a while, but it was great having them so close. They are 12 and 10 now and great boys.

My new trauma was finding out in MAy that I was 6 months pregnant with a baby that we had never ever planned for. Now that was difficult deal with.
I don't think that there is any 'perfect' timing to be honest. I agonised over being PG so soon after DS1 and now I'm finding myself coming to terms with another baby 10 years after last giving birth.

all will be fine. best of luck

Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling sad. You need to give yourself time to process how life will be with two. I've been trying to think of positives for you and maybe you could think of having no 2 earlier than planned means that you're closer to getting you're figure back, going skiing again, with no other interruptions (that's assuming you stop at 2 of course!).

Ultimately, let yourself be a bit sad and have a good cry. You're pregnant so you'll be feeling more emotional anyway-you've got to let yourself feel sad for the things which will change, then concentrate on what bits of the change you think you'll enjoy. I have a similar age gap and when I brought baby no 2 home, DS1 was so loving and in love with him, that I can still cry with happiness just thinking about it.

Thank you everyone so much for your messages, I feel really uplifted by them. Some really good ways of looking at things have been suggested, I'm really grateful, thank you! :)

I had 16 months between mine.
Discovering no.2 was on its way with a 7 month old was utterly terrifying.
I never quite got over the guilt assuming he'd feel hed been superseded at such a young age.
I even sobbed on the way home from the hospital.
I didn't recognise/talk it through like you are mummy and feel strongly it then led into the bonding problems I had with DC2.
The truth of the matter is that changing from one DC to two is nearly as big a shock as having the first one. And guilt is a NORMAL part of having a second, regardless of age gap.
Acknowledge it. But make sure you don't breeze through your pg not really connecting with bump.
Trust me, three years down the line they're BEST FRIENDS. I love them both totally utterly equally (something I never thought I'd be able to say) and we're even expecting DC3 in February.
What you're feeling is ok. Talk about it, acknowledge its normal and then concentrate on bonding with baby.
My friend with two children with a large age gap once told me how she'd explained to her 11 year old that her love for the baby wouldn't mean she loved him less.
Because you have a new 'cup' of love for each child. It's full to the brim with love now and when baby comes she'll get her own cup. Also full. But not affecting his.
And that's how it works.
You'll figure out changes in routines and ultimately you're giving dd1 the most amazing gift ever. A sibling!
Best wishes.

Aw, i love the cup of love analogy! X

Sorry you're feeling sad. I agree talk to your MW.

Even though this PG was planned. I had those sad doubts as my current twins were only 6mo when I got PG. I'm now 21w and twins are 45w.

I think to myself; I'll do this and then that's it at least for 5 years so I can get my life back and keep it. Yes, it's gunna be hard work and our body and life won't be the same for a while but we'll get it back. That's how I see it anyway!

Congrats on your PG and hope you find the answers you're seeking x

How you doing mummyluce?

Bump

Just reading this thread as I am feeling very down right now as I have a 9 week old and a 14 month old and suffering with pnd and your positive words are helping.thank you

Oh catnap talking is the best thing to do.
Have you spoken to the doctor/health visitor?
Pleased you're on here.
Tell us your story if it'll help x

I have and I'm getting lots of help which at times makes me feel worse because I don't feel any better.i fell pregnant when ds1 was 3 months old I was happy although the pregnancy was hard (permanent sickness all day and spd) I was still quite chirpy about it.

I was fine until I got home from hospital and the baby bloos hit and when they didnt go away i knew I wasn't right.ever since I have woken up sick dreading the day until dh comes home.i feel guilt 24/7 if I'm paying attention to one and not the other.im not eating and have had difficulties bonding with ds2.i know I love him but feel like he is a total stranger.i found ds1 so easy and never worried if he was winjing or how much he slept because I was always holding him and have him sleep on me in the day etc.we went to groups all the time but now that seems impossible and these four walls seem to be my life.i have become fixated on how much ds2 is sleeping and am struggling with knowing how to get him to nap in the day,unfortunately ds1 is very loud and distracting.ds2 appears to only be able to cat nap in the day.im emotionally exhausted.

I am on ads and have major thyroid problems since having two babies one minute it is over active and the next it's under active.

Hi MummyLuce you sound like me about 2.5yrs ago. My first DS was an IVF(ICSI) baby and so my second was HUGE shock/surprise. THere's an 18m gap between my two and, TBH, whilst I was pleased and grateful to be having the second child I thought we'd never had I was also terrified at first & so apprehensive/nervous all the way through my pregnancy about how I'd cope (DS1 was a difficult baby) and how DS1 would cope.

I won't pretend that the first 6 months weren't hard work but I coped with 2 under twos so much better than I did with just the one baby first time round. Now my two little monkeys adore each other, play together, look out for each other and are generally good friends (with the odd fight thrown in!). I don't regret it one bit.

Yes, your DD might find things hard at first but acutally you're giving her one of the best gifts there is - a permanent playmate and a partner in crime/friendship/support for the rest of her life.

Catnap sending you huge hugs, You're in the tough bit right now. I do remember it well. Life will get easier over time, I promise. Please use everyone on here for support.
The guilt does get easier to manage and hopefully you'll come to the realisation that I did which is that you can only do your best for your children and learning to share your time and attention is an important life lesson. No one ever died from having to wait just 5 more minutes for a sandwich/milk/toy. I eventually learned to tune out the noise of their crying (sort of) and get on with my practical tasks (all child related, I wasn't neglectful!), but if one is crying while you're changing the other one's nappy then there's not much you can do about it. DOn't let it stress you.
I found endless trips to the park were my lifeline in the early days. DS2 was a v poor sleeper but would settle for a short while in the pram while I played with DS1.

I could have written this. I wonder what we've done, our DS will turn 2 when the other one is being born. In addition, I absolutely hate being pg, it was hard the first time and it's getting worse, I just threw up the little water I drank today. I feel and am sick day and night and basically stopped speaking to DS, just because I can't. I live close to my mum who's a full time carer for my dad and she's looking after him but it's difficult for her. So far, I haven't spent much positive thinking on the new baby. That makes me feel even more guilty and bad. Also, I hate the baby stage. A lot of people have babies because they are so cute and well, babies, but for me, every day got better and better. My 15 months old son has slowly turned in the child I ever wanted. And now, the whole thing again?! Dreading it. If that makes me sound awful, be it. I know a few people who admit they like their children better since their older and as the older for longer, instead of clinging to the baby stages, I might even be better off. Sorry ... I realise this is well off and turned more into a rant.

I strongly believe all of you, that it will be fine and it will get better repeat in mind over and over again.

I have similar feelings. More of guilt for my DS1 having to 'share' us at only 21mths old. I ideally wanted a 2.5/3yr age gap. But as I had a mmc with my 1st pg, and seeing my sister take a year to conceive her 1st, my best friend still trying over a year later and my other friend having 3 mcs I've told myself not to be silly. So what if there's less than a 2yr age gap, so what if it happened by accident, I'm carrying another baby in my tummy, a part of my husband and I and I'm very excited now :-) things could be alot worse then falling pregnant 4mths before we originally planned to start trying, I feel guilty for feeling guilty!