Pregnancy jitters already...

[Writerwannabe83]

Hi everyone - I really need somebody to boost my morale because although I only got my BFP 5 days ago, the elation has suddenly been replaced with dread

The pregnancy was 100% planned and due to health problems of mine (epilepsy and heart problems) it has taken us a long time to reach the point of my Consultants giving us the 'go Ahead' to try and get pregnant.

We got pregnant our first month of trying and I don't think either of us expected it to happen so quick (awful cliché I know).

Suddenly all I can think about it what might go wrong - and I don't mean for the baby, but for me. In order to reduce any risks to the baby I have come off my heart medication and I can't stop thinking that my heart is going to go haywire and I'm going to end up in hospital. My epilepsy is very stable at present (no seizures for well over 7 years) but prior to getting pregnant I was warned by my epilepsy nurse that pregnancy may upset that balance and my seizures could return - thus meaning I'd be risking my health, my driving licence and my job.

Prior to conception I felt quite happy to take that risk, but now that I'm actually pregnant I'm thinking, "Oh Sh*t - what if my seizures actually do come back??!" My life would be turned upside down, I'd be back to living my life as an 'epileptic' - which is a life that I managed to put behind me a long time ago

I'm worried that I was living in La-La Land before conception, thinking that everything would be happy and smiley and lovely, but now that I'm actually pregnant and it is real life, I feel petrified

I'm seeing differences in my body already, I keep reading articles about what changes will happen to me and I feel myself starting to freak out. I feel like something is taking me over and that I'm not me anymore.

I can't believe how confused I feel.

Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic I'm pregnant, me and Hubby are so excited - but I can't shake this feeling of dread about how this pregnancy may ruin my life. I have a little voice in my ear that is saying, "What on earth have you done......"

I know this must sound so selfish but I'm just trying to make sense of my thoughts

A lot of what you are feeling is very normal, even for someone who doesnt have your health history. The reality of a pregnancy to just the idea of it is very different and takes a while to get used to. Just take it one day at a time.

Cant offer a huge amount of advice but do try to remember your gp etc wouldnt have given you the all clear if they didnt think it was a good idea, or managable. Plus your midwife and consultant (& possibly gp as well) will keep a closer eye on you to help ensure you dont end up sick.

i agree with cravingcake. Getting and being pregnant is scary and stressful for most women, esp first babies. But i feel that the health specialists wouldnt consider giving you the go ahead if it was more risky than its worth.
i have a high risk pregnancy this time [third one] and i do have to say im worrying already about potential risks, but im trying to focus on the end result and placing my faith in the docs n midwives to look after me.
at the end of the day worrying about the what ifs wont change what may or may not happen and will only spoil the enjoyment of your pregnancy.
i truly hope you have a healthy pregnancy and your worries remain unfounded, and remember your midwife is there to offer emotional support as well as practical so talk to her a bout your worries as much as you feel you need to.