Becoming a mother

[mustardtomango]

I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant and it's only just really hit me that I'm going to be a mother. Having a baby - processed that (and very happy). Becoming a mother - seems like a much bigger deal!
Is anyone else feeling this, and do any mums out there have any wise words?

I have waves of thinking the same, and my concerns centre around not wanting to just be defined as 'someone's mum'! It sounds ridiculous, but because so many women talk about losing their identity etc. I just worry about being the best mum I can be whilst still being me (if that makes sense!)

I imagine this is going to be no help at all but hope it might give you a laugh.

I have an adult DD who turned out fine. Being young and arrogant foolish I wasn't in the least worried about coping with her unplanned arrival.

After a long journey with IVF, divorce, a new partner and an ovarian cancer scare I am now expecting my second child and really wonder if I will get away with it this time. Will I cope with no sleep? Will DP cope and be brilliant or will everything go horribly wrong? Oh help!

I didn't give a hoot about being thought too young to have DD but I am too embarrassed to tell even MN how ancient I am now!

Good luck, it'll be fine (hopefully)

In my experience, I felt so proud of my DC when they arrived, that I was ridiculously pleased to be known first and foremost as their mum. and all that I'd been before they arrived suddenly didn't seem that great in comparison.

There was a point when I wanted to build up my own identity again, but for the first couple of years, I didn't give who I 'was' another thought really. I'm preggers with my 3rd and know I'll get lost in babyloveland all over again but it's for such a short time, I don't care!

My advice would be that you'll take being a mum one day at time and each day you'll make choices based on what's best for you and your baby - you'll get it working so it suits you both and you're both happy. You'll be fine I promise.xx

I'm 34+6 with my first and am so excited to be a mother. It it scary, but will be so rewarding watching that little person grow thanks to your love and care.

A lot of people take the time to tell me how much sleep I'm going to lose, to wave goodbye to my social life and that I won't even have time to finish a meal - but I only pay attention to the select few that tell me how incredible it is having children and that my life will never be the same again, in a good way.

But what if I forget the baby in the supermarket or drop it down a well?!

I totally understand SeriousStuff. I'm so happy to be pregnant but terrified about loosing my identity and career path. Me and my OH are very busy, career focused people and i feel a bit jealous about having to stop for a while. I'm sure i will feel different when our DC arrives

I can understand the career worries, but would say that I still have a job I love which allows me to be at home when I need to be and my sister, who had a very high flying career before having kids, went through part time work, full time then redundancy and very soon after reinstated herself as a high flier. Her kids are 6 and 8 and she has been full time for the last 4 years. Her kids are happy and they have a lovely family life. Kids don't mean the end of your career. Hope that makes you feel a bit better!

Thanks And Another x

I wonder if it has anything to do with your own mum, perhaps she is either so fab you worry you can't be as good, or not so fab in which case you don't want to be like her?

My case is the latter and it did worry me - but like other posters I find that once DC arrived it grew over time and I am very proud to be a mum now (not in the patronising way some strangers use it to you, or in the way some career people can use it to imply that you've lost it, but as a real thing = when my DC learned to say 'mummy' I came over all warm and glowing, and now she says 'I love you mummy' it is even better).

Oh, and I don't think I am a 'mum' at all like my own mum, which is a source of great relief - so many people talk about repeating the parenting you got but it doesn't have to be that way unless that's a good thing.

FWIW I still work in a 'career' job and that identity is important to me too. Though I think if I was a sahm I would enjoy that too, harder work but with its own rewards.

It helps me (34wks preg) when I look around at a business gathering (was at a conference this week) and think about how many of the successful, interesting, intelligent women around me are also 'mothers'.

I think that it's easy to worry that your ENTIRE life is going to be buggies and coffee mornings but it doesn't have to be. You can be the kind of family and mother you want to. At any big marathon you'll see a whole load of women running and being cheered by their kids. A load of professional athletes have small children... as do signers, newsreaders, all sorts basically.

I think (though I might change my mind) that I can handle some other people thinking of me as 'just somebody's mum' but I will still know I am me and so will my DH and closest friends.

Totally with you on this one. I'm going to be a mum of two this time round. How the hell did that happen?!

The thing is it just does happen and when the baby arrives there's no real time for reflection and you just get on with the incredible job of being a mother.

I've got a 9mo DS and the fact I'm someone's mum didn't hit me until I had to book a gp appt just after he was born - conversation went something like.... 'Oh hello, I'd like to book an appointment for my son - SON, oh my god I have a son...' Receptionist 'sorry?!? Are you ok?' . I got off the phone, my mum looked at me and said 'you've got a SON! I hadn't thought about you being an actual MOTHER!' .... Sounds ridiculous but I'd only really got my head around a baby arriving, not so much the responsibility and the reality of what it really meant - 'tis amazing though....

Oh... And my wise words of wisdom... Trust your mothers instinct, it really is wonderful. All the Gina ford, Annabel Karmel et al books that I read in pregnancy, as soon as DS came along they were utterly forgotten about. I just followed what felt right for us as a family and it's worked. You're mum and you know best, remember that when health visitors (especially) or GP's are trying to get you to do something that doesn't feel comfortable to you!

I'm a mum! I have one child- a DD (11 years old). All I can say is that its the most AMAZING thing, a cliché but soo true. I also went through my pregnancy in a haze of 'baby!' but not 'mother!'. When you see the baby, and you feel the skin to skin contact, and smell your perfect baby's unique smell it will be the best thing you'll ever experience. I cried tears of joy for 10 days after having DD. Its just amazing. The love they have for you is in their eyes from the moment they're born. And as they get older it gets better, seeing DD's first school report addressed to DH and me was wonderful. They trust you so much and see you as being so wise. its great teaching them things, and how they remember things you do together (DD still talks about how a conker fell on my head when I walked her to school when she was 6 years old). Now DD is 11 the role of mother is even better- she wants to put oil on her hair with me, to watch tv shows with me, to be involved in everything I do. My advice is to take each day as it comes and treasure it- don't fret about at what age you'll allow them to have a glass of wine whilst you're still changing nappies! Also, don't feel incapable- it is your baby and your instincts are right. You know what's best, and you can only learn from experience. Enjoy your baby and may you have an easy birth .