Best way to announce my pregnancy...Knowing Im going to recieve a very negative reaction.

[Shellywelly1973]

How did you announce your pregnancy?

Im 12 weeks pregnant with my 6th baby. My oldest dc dosnt live at home & he will be fine...just think Im nuts.

Dd is 21. She lives at home. She will NOT be happy & is generally very open when it comes to how she feels!

Dd2 is 12. She will want a little sister.

Ds2 is 8. He has ASD so won't comprehend a baby is coming until its actually here.

Ds3 is 5. I think he will be a bit jealous but ok.

My mum& sister...Thats another thread, they thought it was for the best when i had a MMC in February incase it was like Ds8.

So should i just be brave & tell them individually or sent an email /text?

I would obviously speak to the 3 younger dc.

Dp suggested not announcing the pregnancy until after my 20 week scan...i can barely hide my growing stomach now, let alone for another 8 weeks!

Congratulations! Just tell them all (individually I reckon) you are pregnant when you next see them, be prepared for some negative body language and/or comments and be prepared to ignore them! It's not really your mum or sister's business.

21 year-old girls always have strong opinions. Your DD might surprise you. But being in her twenties she will move out eventually and so it won't have much impact on her day to day life. It's the younger ones who it will impact most and I bet they'll be delighted when the baby arrives, whether it's a sister or a brother!

If it helps, my MIL is one of ten, and all of her siblings have at least six children each (one has twelve!). They wouldn't think it at all odd! Large families aren't for everyone but they are lovely. What a lucky baby having so many people to love it. x

Our family is considered very unusual in my wider family. My sisters have very good careers & only 2dc each. Dp is an only child. His mum will be fine. She's great.

I will tell my mum but i cut contact with my sister about 2months ago so i don't intend to deal with her drama lama behaviour!

Im just trying to think of the best way to announce the pregnancy as Im dreading the phone calls & critise etc.

Congratulations, I agree just tell them all individually, if they don't like it they can lump it.

My SIL has 5, eldest is 23, youngest is 3 and aunty to eldest sister's dd who is nearly 2. They all rub along fine most of the time (were all under the same roof until recently).

Your 21 year old dd is an adult and will soon be leaving home anyway.

My Dsd will be 18 when my baby arrives, she will have 6 younger siblings then between families. DH has 22 siblings! Big families are great IMO (mine was small until I married DH).

Good career and 2dc is a 'norm' now but that doesn't mean those doing it should be judgemental about people who make other choices!

If it were me I'd prob tell my mum and kids face to face, but no reason you can't tell others by email or text - I don't see what's wrong with that. In the old days people would have sent letters after all!

Good luck!

One of my sisters is fine & we get on great. My other sister constantly went on about my lack of career, waste of skills, old car & UK holidays.

My career in law has changed due to my Ds with ASD not the amount of dc i have. I had to resign from my job when Ds was excluded from mainstream school. He then spent 14 months out of school before being placed in a special school when he was 7. As its an independent school he gets 18 weeks holiday a year. Childcare that can manage Ds needs dosnt exist. A carer costs from £15 per hour. Im self employed now so at least i can work around Ds holidays etc but at the cost of my long term career.

People do judge. The shock on the sonographers face on Tuesday when i went for my 12 week scan! Its constant, its since i had dc5. I don't fit the sterotypical image of a mum of 5.

OP, my mum is an only child. So was my dad, and so am i.

When i fell pregnant with DD1 my mum said ''never mind, we'll cope''.

When i fell with DD2 she said ''another one!?''

When i fell with DD3 she rolled her eyes, scowled, and asked me ''was it planned?''.

I was in my early 20's for all 3, but married to the dad and with my own home. Not like i was relying on her to raise them!
My lovey father was thrilled about each one. But my mum just made me feel more and more naughty and irresponsible somehow

I know our situation is not identical, but i know how it feels to dread telling family. So i sympathise. 20 years since DD1 i'm with a new DH and have just had to announce to my DM that i'm expecting no.4 Same old feelings. Sadly my Dad isn't with us any more so wont meet this GC :(

Anyway - my advice is to tell your oldest DD first. Then the little ones, then your sisters and your mum. Maybe face to face all together - so your supportive sister can help out with the fall out! Best of luck and congrats.

You've described my mum!!

My younger sister went through 2mc, years TTC her dc. As soon as my sister had her little girl, my mum suggested she get sterilised!

My mum thinks i should have been sterilised at 19 after Dd2.

I will tell Dd21 first. Then Ds. Then younger dc.
Mum by phone. Younger sister this week when i met up for a coffee, Im looking forward to telling her as she will be happy,she has a lovely nature. Im not going to tell my older sister. Im sure my mum will be on the phone within minutes to her. My Dad, whenever i speak to him, we're not close.

Im nearly 40 years old!! Im not a bloody teenager. Its not like any of them do anything to help. I don't ask & they don't offer!

Your mum and older sister sound very opinionated! You quit your job for really important reasons, and also had no choice. I really feel strongly that parents of children with special needs should get more help than they do. Your mum and sister obviously don't understand at all. To criticise your old car and UK holidays is really shallow!

And telling anyone they should be sterilised is quite shocking and controlling imo! Glad you have your younger sister to confide in. Hope it goes well telling your kids, that's the main thing. x

I have 5 children and honestly some people are so ride!

Our last two are twins so 4 pregnancy's, im lucky my family have been great, but friends not so much.

I fell out with my best friend over it. Was awful.

Stand yoirr ground when you announce itr be happy and excited. If they are negative there problem.

Personally I think a new baby being brought into a happy home where it will be cared for is nothing but fantastic news.

Mt dh has been snipped but I still get comments on when we are having more.

Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm one of four siblings and it was the best gift my mum and dad ever gave me, so I think the more the merrier when it comes to bigger families.

I'm pregnant with no.3 and am worried about telling friends as when I've mentioned wanting more they've said, 'you must be mad.'. It upsets me particularly as both my children have additional needs and I think they say it because they think I won't cope with another or worse, in case this baby also has a disability, which is so offensive.

Good luck telling your family, hold your head high, your doing an important job creating a new life-that rocks!!

Ah thankyou for all your lovely replies.

I became very depressed when i gave up my job. I was very proud of going to uni as i was in my 20's. I proved myself as i landed a respected & well paid job.

In my family your only as good as the car your driving, the house your buying or the holidays your going on. I bought my car from new 14 years ago. The only way your getting me in an airport with my dc is if Ive use of a private jet...poor Ds would be freaked out by all the people, ques, noise & waiting about!

One day about 4 months after i had stopped working, i was in the park with my Ds with ASD & my youngest Ds. It was a beautiful sunny day. I had found out that morning my Ds had not been placed in any playscheme or any sort of restpite for the summer holidays. He had been put in a PRU by the LEA, it was hideous. I was demented with stress. I could barely deal with day to day life. Ds hadn't been diagnosed at our local hospital. I seriously considered putting Ds & i in the car park&connecting a hose pipe to the exhaust...

A mum i met who son also has ASD called me. She told me about the 4 weeks of care her much more able Ds had been offered. Her words were, ' My dh will take a couple weeks off so i won't even have to deal with him'. I looked at my 2 boys, eating ice cream in the, beautiful sunshine. I thought at that point, i am so lucky- i have 2 beautiful boys. Im in a park instead of a stuffy office. Im not well off but Im not poor. I have time & 5 lovely dc. I felt almost at peace as i realised what i had at that point, whereas the other mum had lots of time off from her Ds but was so disconnected from him.

It was a turning point in my life, i often think back to that day in the park when Im feeling low & my heart feels the same hope & joy i experienced that day when i recall the memory of my 2 beautiful boys eating icecream.

People ask me all the time how i cope with 5dc,SN dc & work. I always say the same, Im actually very lucky compared to many people. I always remind myself there are others worse off & Im better off then many.

Im really looking forward to having a baby again. If he/she has ASD/ADHD then i will cope. At least i know how to deal with it. I would rather the baby was NT but however he/she is i will love unconditionally, just like i do my other dc.