30 weeks and really need some understanding and support

[Ls271082]

I'm currently 30 weeks preg with a much longed for and wanted baby however my whole pregnancy has been tainted by a significant factor - weight gain.

I have suffered from anorexia since the age of 15 and was hospitalised 4 years ago due to extremely low weight, and stayed in hosp for a year. Still see an eating disorder nurse weekly who has been a tremendous support. However I am still not recovered, before my pregnancy I managed my ED living from a strict diet plan I never deviated from and keep my weight at the lowest healthy weight I could.

In jan I found out I was preg, I've Always wanted a baby, having previously being today I may have difficultly conceiving due to 15 years of anorexia. I'm so so grateful for this chance to become a mum, it's all I ever wanted but am struggling to rationalise and put things ino perspective.

I was coping ok - ish with weight gain following 1st trimester where I put on a lot of weight - I was just told this was becuse my body had catching up to do and was storing everything fearing I won't be feeding it again. It the slowed down in the 2nd trimester put in on aboutb1 pound a week, but since I've entered the 3rd trimester I've gained 5 lbs in a week. Am Bsolutely beside myself, I know I can't diet, I want the best for my baby and don't want to jeopardise my chance at becoming a mum but I'm finding it so so difficult.

I've managed to cope so far but this massive jump in weight as completed knocked me and I feel like I can't cope, I don't want to see anyone, go to work, even get dressed, I'm weighing myself all day - something which I'd stopped. So far t 30 weeks I've out on 23lbs.

I've tried talking to ED nurse nd bf but they just say its cos you are preg, you can sort it after - prob is my state of mind right now :(

Any advice/support appreciated xx

Just sending some support LS. I'm sorry but i have no experience in your situation. I'm sure some else will post soon xx

Someone will be along with some helpful advice I'm sure. I just wanted to tell you that I am 12 weeks pregnant and I've already put on a stone in weight. So who knows what I will weigh at 30 weeks

I'm normally a size 8/10 by the way...

I have no experience either, I hope someone can help, and I don't know if this does, but remember that most of that isn't actually you putting on weight - it's the baby, it's the amniotic fluid and the placenta, and it's your blood volume increasing (by up to 50% apparently!), plus in warm weather it's also likely that your retaining some water as your body struggles to keep you both hydrated (keep drinking - it's the only way to convince your body it's OK!)

No experience of ED's but wanted to add my support, it sounds like you are doing so well. A lot of the extra weight gain you are seeing in the 3rd trimester is the baby.

They spend the first 2 developing and the 3rd growing and laying down fat stores etc. also you will be amazed at how big the placenta actually is that weighs a fair old bit too!

Keep going you are doing great and giving your baby the best start

No experience I'm afraid but it's obvious you need to speak to someone who understands this a little better. You aren't depriving yourself so that's great, you just obviously need some emotional support. Maybe your ED support network can recommend someone with more experience in pregnancy?

I'm really surprised te ED nurse was so dismissive-I would say this is an issue which could contribute to pnd so please go back and ask to speak to someone more helpful. Possibly some talking therapy regularly will help you rationalise the weight gain. I can assure you that your baby really needs you to gain this weight and it will come off afterwards easily. Sending you supportive vibes!

Whilst I cannot speak from an ED perspective, I can reassure you that it's very normal to feel out of control re:weight. I've never had problems with ED but really detest my pg body. So what you're feeling, whilst heightened because of your history, happens to many of us (not sure if that's a helpful thing to say?).

I'm 39 weeks with my second and would urge you to speak to someone more if you're feeling like this now. I have got a lot heavier recently and as many people have said, I know it's baby, but it doesn't always make me feel happy about being so big!

Oh, and if it's any reassurance, I managed to shift baby weight fairly easily with my first. However, it wasn't immediate and I took it slowly. Eventually I was smaller than I've ever been (again, I am not sure that I sure say things like this). But you'll leave hospital still looking pregnant and will remain that way for a couple of months.

Go easy on yourself and make sure you get the professional support you can. Our bodies are incredible and you must allow it to do its 'job' in its own time. If you're planning to bf then you'll burn many calories that way...but you'll also need to keep on eating plenty. So please please please don't rush anything.

X

Sounds like you're being very sensible and doing really well.

There was a supersize vs superskinny episode on channel 4 (latest series maybe) where one of the ladies talked about struggling with her anorexia whilst pregnant. She REALLY struggled to put in any weight, might be worth a watch to see what advice they gave her? its still available to watch online

I think you need to have a think about your start weight too - because your body will naturally put on weight to a point that it needs to be it to sustain a healthy pregnancy. This is true even if you were underweight before, your bodies metabolic weight will simply, adjust itself accordingly. Actually how we live and eat now is a fairly modern thing in terms of evolution, so your body will just do that and ignore you you feel about it - IYSWIM. For example - I weighed 10 stone at the start - perfectly fine and within healthy range. I then lost a stone from morning sickness, have since put that plus another stone and a bit back on now at 35 weeks. I now weigh just over 11 stone. I was also worried about weight gain in pregnancy, but I can see that this weight gain is perfectly fine. I have close friend who has always been incredibly slim and tall, and she put on 3 1/2 stone in pregnancy, - but she lost a lot as soon as she had the baby from water retention (she thinks at least 1/2 stone) plus she had a lot of amniotic water etc - another stone there with the baby. Two weeks after the birth she had lost two stone. So you just don't know what the weight is often made up of. The extra stone and a half took her a further three months to shift doing nothing - she eat properly. She did not BF after a month due to issues with her feeding which is not really relevant to this. But it IS something you need to discuss with a trained specialist - since if you plan to BF your body will hang onto a bit of extra weight naturally in most cases to make sure you have enough fat on you to BF.

With weighing yourself - it is easy to get very obsessed by that (I know!) but you know rationally that you weigh less first thing after going to the loo, and water can add on half a stone throughout the day, which you may get rid of through the night. Likewise with food - it may take you two days to of get rid of a really full stomach if you are taking iron tablets. Actually i was weighing myself every morning until the batteries went on my scales, and DH keeps forgetting to change them. I found I would fluctuate quite a bit in a week and within that could have a day feeling cross about 5-6 pound weight gain, which three days later was back to two or three pounds etc. I am now much happier without said scales TBH.

I also don't know if this helps - but my bump grew massively in the last few weeks, and for some reason that made me much happier about being pregnant - i stopped feeling lumpy and instead properly pregnant. I wonder if there is some way you could try and look at your bump and try and love it in some way - if that makes any sense, since being pregnant with a bump is different to being overweight - even if in your minds eye you have a hard time separating out the two. Perhaps looking at images of naked pregnant women (naked bumps) might also help you - certainly helped me when a few plonkers told me I looked like I was expecting twins etc (have a huge bump) .

I don't have an ED, but I have plenty of experience with very dear friends and close family members who have had ED's so I really do sympathise. It is about control to some degree - and with pg, you feel anything but in control. I got fed up with the restrictions, and all the prodding and poking the other day. (partic after a hospital stay due to early labour at 34 weeks) I just felt like er hang on - whats happening to my body, I have no control, everyone else just tells me. And out baby is also very much longed for, don't get me wrong. But now I think after my early labour scare - ok, whatever I need to do to get here to the world safely I will, even if part of me finds it hard, I just concentrate on that. I also have found that little things like keeping other parts of me nice, like nails etc has helped me feel better - it sounds like a small thing, but it has helped me. I also spoke to a few RL friends with babies, and they all confided back and said the loss of self with pregnancy was hard, so i think lots of us go through it to varying degrees (and I have sat and cried and not wanted to go out and felt like a hideous lump too). I wonder if its a bit of a taboo sometimes - you are meant to LOVE being pregnant - well i have hated it TBH - and don't mind saying it. I will love the outcome of course. found the last 5 weeks much easier (ie after the 30 week mark - where you are at)

No clue if anything i have said helps - but I also think that speaking to your ED again and seeing if there is a specialist for pregnancy and ED you could also speak to? And be kind to yourself - because you are doing AMAZINGLY well xxxx