How will I manage with work and a baby?

[BlueCherry]

I?m 29 weeks pregnant. My husband was made redundant at the start of the year and has been struggling to find another job. I have a good job (office based, lots of responsibility, but no let up in the workload since becoming pregnant). The plan was my husband would look after our little baby and I would go back to work.

However, recently the combination of work and being pregnant is starting to overwhelm me; I find myself nipping off to the bathroom during the day to cry. I'm hoping it's just the hormones/heat/general tiredness, but I'm becoming sad about not being able to take any time off before their baby is born or to take longer than 3 months maternity leave. I'm angry because I have worked hard for my career, but somehow I feel I am being punished for it.

I don't want to talk to my husband about this as it will only hurt his feelings as he has been trying hard to get a job and financially it makes sense for me to go back to work.

I was hoping for some help from people with similar experience or perhaps guidance from others on what I can do to snap out of my current low?

Thanks

It's understandable that you are anxious about juggling it all, especially if this is your first child and you don't have any benchmark to compare it to. If it makes you feel better, in the US they get 6 weeks TOTAL mat leave (e.g. from pre birth to going back to work). It's just in this country that we are able to take up to a year. FWIW I am 14 weeks pg with DC3 and I freelance, which means I'm going to take a total of 2 months off, and go back to work part time. It's a balancing act, but if you can get part time hours then it will make life easier - is that a possibility? The other thing is that initially, it IS mutually exclusive - you can't be a full time mum and make progress with your career - when you have a baby, temporarily, something has to give. Your career will always be there for you - no-one will forget you and what you have achieved. You are a successful professional, don't doubt yourself and enjoy your 3 months wtih your baby and all will work out just fine :-)

BlueCherry, i hear you on this. i live in the middle east where 6 weeks off is also all that you get, as in the U.S. at a push you can stretch this to 4 months,if you have a medical reason - but this is UNPAID ansd subject t your employer approving it.

so i will be back at work very soon after having my baby.

it has been stressing me out hugely. then i posted about this earlier this week and had some very positive food for thought from others on here. it is completely possible to make it work and i feel much more positive.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1802596-Anyone-to-back-to-work-after-4-or-5-months-maternity-leave-Or-less

best of luck.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I guess the upside compared to the American situation is that at least you're baby will be at home with a loving parent instead of some understaffed day care centre with strangers. By 3 months, you will have established breastfeeding (if you wish to do so) and can still keep it up after your return to work. It would be a great way of re-connecting when you get home.

Of course there's also the possibility of your DH finding a job by then. You still have 5-6 months.

And lastly, if you do feel like things are getting on top of you, there's no shame in taking some time off sick in pregnancy.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

And also, the other posters are right, there are plenty of women who only get short maternity leaves and to them it's normal. My post might have come across as a little negativ but that's only because where I come from, you get 3 years ML per child so 3 months seems crazily short to me but I appreciate that that is the normality for millions of new mothers.

It's tough on women these days. I'm 27+3, work for myself from home and had plans to take 3 months off then start to take on a few days here and there to see how I got on. So many people have told me I won't manage to work at home with a baby but I have to.

DH is in a full time job but doesn't earn enough to support all three of us (and a dog!) so I have to get back to work as soon as possible. I'd also love to take time off before the due date but as it stands, I'm going to try and work til I pop as I will only qualify for the minimum state maternity pay (about £130 before tax).

As someone else said, your husband could find a job before then or have you considered working part time? Maybe 3 days a week? Would that be financially possible?

Yes, part-time is a good suggestion IF the DH manages to find part-time work as well. Maybe that would be easier to find than a full-time job. I don't want to sound naive though as I appreciate how hard it is to find a job at the moment, depending on where you live ad what work DH is willing to do.

My own DH is currently going through the applying for jobs process as he will be finishing his PhD shortly and it is so hard. Luckily we don't need to stress as he still has his tutoring job at uni as a fall back til he finds something better but God, it's the pits looking for a job!

How long has DH been looking? And what field is he in?

Have you talked to your work about a risk assessment, I know your desk based but the risk assessment should also look at hours, workloads, stress etc - its not just for the physical side of work. Certainly as you go into the 3rd tri they should be looking at handovers of work, and your mat leave cover and taking in mind any advice from your mid wife/doctor regards what you are safely able to do.

Have you considered asking for a phased return to work, in the UK at least you can have some 'in touch days' (i think they are called) during your mat leave, maybe these, annual leave, working from home, etc could be used to give you a bit of a more gentle start back. Don't be afraid to use any sick leave you need to before you go for any preg related illness (don't waste mat leave on these), but do check your work policy so you don't trigger mat leave for example by having more than X preg related absences in a month.

Maternity leave cannot be triggered legally before 36 weeks due to sickness, no matter what her contract says. The law changed on this a few years back.

Thanks very much for all your replies and helpful words, it helps to give me perspective.

I know I should be grateful that I'm not in a country with restrictive maternity laws and that I am having a healthy pregnancy. And most of all, a loving parent will be looking after our baby rather than a stranger - just can?t help wishing it was going to be me! Although I'm sure this is normal for every parent returning to work...