6 weeks pregnant and unsupportive partner

[Bumblebee13]

I'm six weeks pregnant with my first baby. It was planned by my fiancé and I but ever since we've found out I feel like he's been really unsupportive. My hormones are everywhere, I can't stop crying (at good things and bad) and we just keep arguing. I told him I feel like he's been neglecting me recently and instead of saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' he immediately got defensive and we argued. I ask him to stop having a go at me and he always says 'I'm not having a go at you I'm trying to have an adult discussion, which you're clearly incapable of' and 'stop being so grumpy, I've never known anyone as grumpy as you'. Even if he's the one that has just ranted at me! He doesn't seem to listen to me, there is no reasoning with him, he's very clever so can get me all confused so I can't put my point across. We had another argument last night whereby I asked him a simple question about filling in a form, it escalated and I ended up throwing my phone on the floor because I just can't handle the arguing, I asked him to be quiet and stop but he wouldn't, he's relentless. He told me he can't have 'an adult discussion' with me and called me 'a psycho bitch from hell'. I'm really tired, emotional and lonely. He should be protecting me and making me feel loved. He says he knows it's the hormones but he can't deal with it and doesn't seem to care what I'm going through at all. I've sent him links of information showing why I'm the way I am but he just doesn't seem to understand at all. I don't want to raise it with him again as I know it'll just end up with an argument.

I had a similar situation with my DH, but more in the way that he'd forget that I was pregnant so I would be constantly asking him to do or not do things, and whenever I was feeling emotional or fed up, he'd just take it so personally.

I just sat him down one day and talked through how I was feeling in a calm, rational manner. He realised that he maybe wasn't 100% aware all the time of how I might be feeling and since then, he's been great. He doesn't roll his eyes when I complain, if I'm teary or angry, he tries his best not to get sucked into it and just comforts me instead (even if he doesn't completely understand why I'm feeling this way...goodness knows I don't half the time!)

I wonder, would he benefit form reading a book about pregnancy written specifically for dads? There are some good ones out there which not only empathise with the dad but also gets the woman's perspective across quite well.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I'm sure things will calm down. It's just a scary time for both parents.

Are you able to come to an agreement if an argument is starting he has to walk away from you and leave it be? Can you forwarn him if possible, when your upset/angry (sometimes I just wake up pee'd off and tell my OH so he can make himself scarce).

That way he doesn't need to understand why your being hormonal, or can't see his POV, and he just has to accept that your body is going through some pretty major changes at the moment and he needs to be responsible for helping you keep calm for the sake you you and the bb.

This is really sad. But if it's any consolation, my husband AND my father (freudian???) both react like that when i confront them about their lack of support or whatever. They both get really defensive and i think it's a sign of inability to admit they're wrong and guilt but also they just might not be able to relate to your feelings. Some men find it really difficult to see things from a woman's perspective. I suspect a lot of them think we're making this "hormonal" thing up! Plus, it's still early days and he's probably still trying to get his head around the emotional adjustments you are BOTH going to go thru over the next 9 months (+). Even tho i totally sympathise and think he's probably acting like a selfish so and so, i think for now, give him some space if you can. He MIGHT just need to adjust and then will come round when he realises he's being an idiot. If not, (ie in a week or so maybe?) then you may need to try something else to address the issue. Anyway, for now hugs....it's tough being duffed up!

I've been through exactly the same. I'm
8+1. Can't work out if I am bein irrational or if it's DP. Feel like my hormones are on fire!

I don't think this sounds like it's your fault or your hormones personally! Your DH shouldn't be saying such nasty things to you, even if he is on the defensive. He is belittling you and invalidating your feelings, and confusing you into agreeing with him and thinking you are in the wrong. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about how you communicate. Maybe you also rely on him too much to make you feel better?

Sorry to be so blunt, but it does sound to me like you both need to work on communicating better! having a baby is a very stressful time and even though blokes can be a bit useless at feelings etc. sometimes (my DH is!), at the very least, you don't want to keep getting into stressful arguments about nothing.