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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

18 month gap.. "The next 5 years are going to be hell.."

30 replies

Breadrollsbuns · 16/07/2013 09:05

I'm 33 weeks with DS2, and there will be an 18 month age gap between him and DS1 when he arrives. I'm naturally nervous but excited about the prospect. However, for some reason people seem to be taking great pleasure in telling me that my life is going to be "a living hell" for the next 5 years (following which, apparently, it will be fine.. that's ok then [hmmm]).

Does anybody have anything nice to say about 18 month age gaps, as I'm finding all of the unsolicited comments (and there have been lots) a bit depressing (the weather isn't helping either)!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Passmethecrisps · 16/07/2013 09:09

Congratulations!

I have no idea as I only have one but I am constantly amazed by just how rude people can be.

Your children will keep each other company and are much more likely to be close.

You will get into a routine and everything will just happen as they will have relatively similar needs and you will still be in the baby mindset.

I am making all this up obvs but it makes sense to me

Sleepwhenidie · 16/07/2013 09:10

Hey, I did it with a 4 year old in the mix too. It is a bit crazy, but for maybe 2 years, not 5! Ds2 is now 3 and dd 5 (ds1 7) and dd and ds2 play together really well and I love the gap between them. It's full on having two little ones as babies certainly, but not hell. You probably will need to keep reminding yourself that ds1 is still a baby though, it's amazing how grown up they suddenly seem when newborn comes along and it's easy to forget and expect a lot of the older one.

itried · 16/07/2013 09:11

I had a 15 month gap. Hard work at first but when a little older they became playmates and companions. Don't listen to the grumpies, your family is unique.

Haribojoe · 16/07/2013 09:13

Have got a 19 month age gap between DS3 and DD.

Had never had such a small gap before and was very nervous.

Shouldn't have worried it wasn't that bad at all. DS3 wasn't too jealous and didn't seem phased by arrival of DD.

I did get a Double pushchair so that I could load them up in the morning and get to school on time, but 15 months on we don't need this often as DS3walks a lot.

It's also lovely to see how close they are now.

Hardhaton · 16/07/2013 09:14

I have 18months between ds2 and ds3 and 2years between ds3 and ds4.
I never had any problems with them, they loved being the older brother.
Its hard work but having more than 1 is anyway.
Congratulations, enjoy it, they grow up so quick

cathpip · 16/07/2013 09:20

My mum had us (twins) 18 months later another and 18 months after that one more, she loved it, yes it was hard at times but all she said was organisation and routine!

Original poster

Breadrollsbuns · 16/07/2013 09:22

Thank you everyone! I have no idea why people feel the need to say these things but I knew I could rely on Mumsnet ladies to make me feel better!

OP posts:

Meglet · 16/07/2013 09:27

No comment .

TBH maternity leave was fine, it's only got really unpleasant since they started fighting. I hope it settles down when DD starts school in Sept, her big brother is fairly sensible these days.

janeyjampot · 16/07/2013 09:28

I have 16 months between my DDs. The initial period was difficult - perhaps the first 3 months - and other points were quite tricky, like teething when they both did it at the same time. I also found mother & toddler groups to be a mixed blessing. It was great to see people and talk to an adult for a change, but we'd pay for it afterwards in coughs and colds which kept us up all night!

On the upside, your older child is too young to have very fixed ideas - DD1 didn't have expectations about her day, so she didn't feel disrupted, iykwim, and she was fascinated by the baby and wanted to help. Going forward, we were always able to find things for them to do together - a small age gap made holidays and after-school activities much more straightforward. I also believe that it has been good for our marriage, in that my DDs naturally entertain and spend time with each other, giving us time together too. When mixing with new groups and being in strange situations they (and we) have always found it comforting to know that they have each other.

They are 14 and 15 now, so there are the usual teenage ups and downs, but I still believe that the gap is useful - they travel to and from school together, have similar amounts of homework and similar amounts of free time etc.

isitsnowingyet · 16/07/2013 09:29

My first 2 were 14 months apart, and the first year was knackering, but not exactly 'a living hell'. It had been our choice to have more children! Better to start with a positive attitude, and they do make good playmates when a bit older..

BabsAndTheRu · 16/07/2013 09:35

I've got a 2.3 age gap between DS1 and DS2 and an 18 month age gap between DS2 and DD. I found the 18 month gap easier than the 2 yr gap. DS2 was just a bit to young to be jealous and is really close to DD. people always say I've got my hands full and how to I cope. Well I cope fine thanks. The way I look at it is its organised chaos and only if you expect anything else is when you get stressed. The house is full of noise but in a good way, lots of fun and laughter. Here's a quote from my eldest which sums it up I think 'we are happy because we are a big family'. My eldest adores his wee brother and sister and shows them off proudly at nursery.
You also save money on the gym as you get a great work out at home playing and running round after them. The secret is a good routine. From day one all ours have had diner,bath and bed by 7, almost military style. They know tidy up time is 4.30pm. DP and I do housework after they go to bed and I do more in the morning while they have breakfast. I find this helps if the place is tidy before the cause havoc with all their toys and craft things. Have great fun with your little ones, its a lovely time.

daimbardiva · 16/07/2013 09:39

No, it's not hell at all. The first 6 months or so are definitely hard, but then you'll ease into a routine and once dc2 hits one it all becomes better as they start to play together and it's lovely. Yes, there will be fighting too, but in no way would I describe any of it as hell.

People are so rude. :/

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/07/2013 09:47

No, it didn't take 5 years. The first 6 months were.....interesting. I have a 19 month gap. It was trying to breastfeed a baby and deal with a toddler who was determined to potty train that was a bit tricky. Toddler did watch a fair bit of Cbeebies in the first few months.

But I think there's something to be said for getting all the baby stuff out of the way quickly. My toddler wasn't old enough to be jealous of the baby, although I did have to watch what he was feeding him.

Now they are 8 and nearly-7, and they mostly just fight all the time. But they will play together too.

crazykat · 16/07/2013 09:55

I've got 12months between DD1 and DD1, when DS1 was 22months had DD2 and 22months later had DS2. So 4.5 years between DC1 and DC4.

I found the first few months were hard but once the baby settles into a routine and not feeding every two hours it gets easier.

When the oldest is too young for school it's a lot easier as you don't have a set routine and somewhere you have to be every morning.

They also entertain each other when they're a bit older. I also found that with DD1 being so young when DS1 was born she wasn't jealous of him as after a week or so she couldn't remember having me all to herself.

Champagnebubble · 16/07/2013 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheApprentice · 16/07/2013 10:15

Gosh what horrible things people say! My boys are 19 months apart. It was quite hard work for the first 18 months (but not "hell"!) and then got masses easier. Now they are 6 and a half and almost 5 its brilliant. They are really close (and fight a lot of course!) and they can do stuff together - so go to bed at the same time, days out are good as they are at similar stages, they play together and amuse each other all the time too. I really love having the two of them so close together! All the best to you.

DramaAlpaca · 16/07/2013 10:20

It will be fine!

My first two boys are 16 months apart, and yes it was hard work at first but the benefits of having two at a similar stage outweighed the negatives. It certainly was not a "living hell"!

They are 19 & 18 now & the best of friends, even though their personalities are very different.

Congratulations!

rallytog1 · 16/07/2013 10:27

My brothers (twins) were born 18 months after me (my parents only wanted two children but nature had other ideas!). My mum always tells me that it was blummin hard work when we were little but she wouldn't have it any other way now.

I'm really close to one of my brothers and get on well with the others. It's lovely that we're all at similar stages in life so can share experiences, our LOs are close in age etc too. So from a child's point of view, I think it's a good age gap.

I think having more than one child of any age must be pretty hard work but ultimately (hopefully) really rewarding. Ignore those weird people telling you otherwise.

tankflybosswalkjamnittygritty · 16/07/2013 10:32

17 months between mine. DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 21 months and I found it to be fine for the 1st 8 months or so until DS2 started moving. It has been hard since, especially when they started fighting but it is now slowly getting easier again so all in all only a year of really hard times. I am still really confident that the best is yet to come and the benefits of having two close together are only around the corner.

lovesmileandlaugh · 16/07/2013 10:40

I love my 17 month gap! Yes, it is hard work, but the really dependent phase is over that much quicker! My DC are really close and it has just been perfect for us! I wouldn't hesitate to do it again!!

hardbeingme · 16/07/2013 10:51

have 14 months between dd and twins, and it was hard until the boys were sleeping through but then dd was a lousy sleeper when she was newborn and that was hard too.

i personally found it harder going from no babies to one than from one to three, plus i was already in baby mode iykwim nappies, bottles, pushchairs etc and once we were out of it that was it.

they're now almost five and four, they will all be at school or nursery in september and i think back.to pregnancy - i felt so guilty to be snatching away dds babyhood but i realise now i gave her play mates and best friends hopefully for life. i find aspects of motherhood wonderful, surprising, difficult and tiring - looking on mumsnet shows that a) i'm not alone and b) age gaps make buggerall difference.

i would just add that the thought of the fourth fills me with horror - i am done!

snickersnacker · 16/07/2013 10:51

There is a 20-month gap between my DNs. I think it was hard at first and if it's at all possible I would recommend getting your eldest out of nappies before the baby comes, at least during the day.

However, now they are a little older it is amazing to see them together; they worship each other and from a very unscientific, anecdotal perspective I think that the younger one's development is accelerated as she can copy the older one in walking, speech etc. good luck!

TripleRock · 16/07/2013 10:57

There are 15 mo between my DSis and me. I'm told by my Mum that the first stages were a bit of a blur however we've grown up very close and done a lot of our 'firsts' together.

My own DD will be nearly 3 when DC2 is born and having just got to the stage when we can do a weekend away with relative ease, we will be plunging ourselves back into the world of nappies, travel cots, bibs etc etc which I'm sure will be a bit of a shock to the system and effectively extends the 'baby years' to about 6 years in my family. Part of me can see plenty of attraction to having them closer now!

Flibbertyjibbet · 16/07/2013 11:06

16m gap here.

It was never 'hell'. It was very hard work sometimes and financially very hard as we had both in nursery for 3 years. Had 1 year of two in nappies, very hard work with a newborn that you can't leave in the same room as a toddler cos they put their finger up baby's nose etc etc.

By 2 and 3 it was great they way they were together, we'd just bung them in the car and go off somewhere, not have to worry about entertaining an older one while doing something with the baby or vice versa.

But now at7 and 8 its wonderful. They are so close in age they are into all the same things, share friends, play together. They miss each other terribly if one goes for a sleepover.

Flibbertyjibbet · 16/07/2013 11:08

I look on it that I got a bigger percentage of the hard work over in the early days and it reaping the benefits of it now.

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