Maybe trying too hard?

[Tebovito0906]

Hello all, I'm new to Mumsnet. I fell pregnant last September, within just a month of trying. We were so surprised and over the moon as we heard that sometimes it can take couples at least a year. When my dh and I went for the 12 week scan we found out that our baby only measured 9 weeks and had no heartbeat, it was absolutely devastating for us as we both wanted to become parents. I had no signs throughout 12 weeks to make me worried, not even spotting. I was feeling tires nauseous etc. I had to have a d&c on 2nd of January. Doc. said we can start ttc when I stop bleeding. Since then we've been trying and trying! Around the time I had my missed miss carriage there were about another 10 people I knew also lost theirs, some naturally some same as me. A lot of them are now pregnant with healthy babies. We tried the ovulation kits and I found that I was getting very stressed about it. Dh and I now ttc around ovulation but sometimes it feels like a chore rather than fun. I can't help but get jealous of people around me falling pregnant. I thought that I'd have been pregnant by now especially my due date has gone past :-( Everyone around me are telling me to relax and it will happen but I find it so hard to relax. Every time we ttc the first thing that pops in my heads is I wonder if it will happen this time. I went to my gp, she's very supportive and says that it'll happen. I'm just wondering if anyone out there having the same problem and how can I relax? Thank you for reading this. Wish you all the best.

Sorry to hear your bad experience OP :( you might have a better response moving this to the conception forum? Best of luck, wishing you a great big bfp

Thank you, I shall do that. x

Hi so sorry about your loss . It's devastating. I had a v similar experience to you, had scan and was told no foetal heartbeat and baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks. I think I then kind of became obsessed with what I'd done wrong and with trying to conceive. I'd already had dc1 easily so wasn't expecting complications. I read stuff by zita west about infertility and how to get pregnant. I don't know if it helped but we did have dc2. Stress doesn't help, and I remember being highly stressed. It is difficult to relax I know. For me it helped by following some of the advice and feeling like I was doing something, diet, etc. good luck to you x

Ah thank you for your advice, it's very stressful thinking is it going to happen this month. :-\

I know, i remember I stopped drinking latter half of month in case I was and gutted I wasn't. Life was put on hold I guess. I did the opposite of all those old wives tales... Stay laying down for 20 min after sex, no hot baths, etc.

Have you been to GP about trying to conceive? I went after trying 6 months because I was over 35 and had tests. Might be worth exploring?

Yes I've been to my gp and she says that as I had a d&c it can take my body a little longer to recover. I'm 26,so I guess they also think I'm young and it'll happen. I know it'll too but I cannot help the worry :-(

I guess so. Maybe find out how long they expect you to try for in your area before you get referred? I suppose it's only (i know it feels like forever) 6 months since your d & c. If it was a while ago go back and say your worried. It is really hard to switch your mind off. It will happen for you.

Ahh thank you for your good wishes. X

Hi, it took us about 2 yrs (I wan't ovulating and needed to take hormone tablets), may sound weird but we stopped discussing the potential bb and started to make other plans, travel, work etc, i think this acceptance of the alternative took the pressure off us.

It took us 16 months. I was using an ovulation kit and thinking about it constantly. Then last Christmas we said we would take a few months off trying as my DH was due away with work for 6 months and it would have meant if I fell pregnant I'd be due when he was away. Plus I think we seriously needed a break from it all.
So had a fab Christmas, then had a 'dry January' no alcohol as a health kick and went to the gym at least 5 times a week. Wasn't using the sticks etc. stopped thinking about dates and then we fell in February. Total shock, I didn't even think there was a chance as when I looked back the dates didn't fit with when I would have thought i would have ovulated.
We were going to start trying again in march. I know it's easier said than done to say 'try and stop thinking about it' but it works in my opinion. With that and a bit of a health kick anyway. Good luck x

Thank you for your responses, it really gives me hope to know that I'm not alone. I know it'll happen when my body is ready. I think what is so frustrating is that in modern world we have control over almost everything but sometimes things like this happen and shows us how little control we have over our life. :-)

We had a similar experience, got pregnant on month 2 of trying, lost the baby at 6 weeks, then life became a despairing blur of trying anything to conceive again. We did the 20 mins with your legs in the air, sperm meets egg plan, clearblue predictors, and I became somewhat obsessed. Sex was functional, not loving or fun any more. The worst part was what it did to our relationship, because I felt such a failure and such sorrow against a ticking clock. Eventually one month when the 'right' weeknd rolled around, I was just bone weary with the whole thing. I'd been away for work for quite a long time, thinking about how much pressure I'd put on my lovely man, and I didnt bother doing the ovulation test, and got plastered on the train home.i suddenly realised that I'd rather have him but no baby, than a baby and no him, and I was possibly jeopardising an amazing relationship. When I got home I apologised to him for being such a crazy person (which he, being the amazing man he is, just said didn't matter as long as I was ok), and we had lovely drunken loving sex, wandered around afterwards without worrying about holding the sperm in, and just cuddled and enjoyed being together over the weekend. It was like a little honeymoon :)

A week later I started heaving at cups of tea, and I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant. I think what I'm trying to say is to just hang in there, count your blessings a little, and try not to let yourself go to that dark place. The darkest hour really is just before the dawn. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you x

Just to add my story, we were trying for 2.5 years with no luck, just had an appt with the infertility clinic and were placed on the Ivf list as dh was found to have low sperm count. We were told there was about a 2 year wait so we thought we'd try and make the most of those by having nice holidays, spending money on house etc. You can imagine our surprise when the next month I was pregnant. I honestly feel that having the pressure off helped.

Dc2 was another 2 years of trying and then lost it at 8 weeks which was hard as you can imagine. 7 weeks later when getting frustrated at not knowing when AF was going to appear I did a test and was shocked to find I was pregnant again! Am now 35 weeks. So to sum up both times have happened when I wasn't thinking about it and stressing. I'm sure it will happen and I know it's a cliche but you are still young. I'm nearly 39 and feeling it in this heat! Good luck xx

Thank you everyone, it's so nice to have the support. I've a family friend they tried for 7 years and were told that they should not bother as her dh had zero sperm count. When they came to terms with the fact that they cannot have a child of their own, she fell pregnant. So I know my time will come, at least I know I can get pregnant. X