Would it be selfish/wrong to have another baby?

[Kt1991]

Just recently got married, and me and my husband have a 2 & a half year old DS. I am desperate for us to try for baby no.2, as don?t want a huge age gap, and I also suffer from PCOS so no idea how long it may take or if we can :( Husband wanted to wait until the end of the year, but after chatting about it on our honeymoon we agreed Aug/Sept time. But after returning from honeymoon we had bad news about money issues, our electric bill has somehow doubled in price, and they keep saying we owe more money so we had been adding extra each month to try pay that off, and then after filling in the tax credits renewal they have now said we earn too much so they are no longer paying some towards our DS?s nursery fees. They are going by before tax, which I think its unfair as we don?t earn a lot really. So in reality we are 300.00 less off. Would it be wrong to still try for a baby? As it makes me so sad and jealous seeing all my friends having babies, and their second ones. And I don?t want our DS to be a only child for a long time, a feel he needs some company now.Is there ever a right time to have another baby? Cause this could keep happening with money issues, and things getting in the way. TIA.

Only my opinion, but if you can't afford it, you shouldn't have a baby. I know loads of people will disagree, but we waited YEARS longer than we wanted to try for no. 1 because we weren't in a position to afford the loss in income from me being on mat leave and the cost of childcare and education.
I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, as I do understand the desire to have a baby, and how strong that is.

Have you looked properly at how things will work out if you have the baby and become a SAHM, or move house. I don't know but have you carefully looked at all your options. It is sad if another baby is what you really want but like humpty said you have to be realistic.

No doubt you already have, but I'd go through all your finances with a fine-toothed comb, and see how tight things would really be. There might be areas you'd be willing to sacrifice to make ends meet, or there might be no wiggle room at all. To be honest, if its the latter, I'd suggest you wait a while and at least pay off the bills. You'll get money toward nursery fees soon too. xx

Work out the finances based on a few variables - if you had another baby and chose not to return to work you wouldn't have any childcare expenses which may be better financially for you than paying childcare for 2 children. Have a look and see what things you can cut down on - we got rid of sports and movies on sky which was £40 per month but are thinking about getting rid of the whole thing. How much can you cut your weekly food shop by, ours (me, DH and 2.4yr DS) is around £30 per week as I make everything from scratch and shop around.

Depending on hours you work, once your DS starts school you won't have childcare fees for him so may be worth waiting a bit longer and TTC in another 18 months.

It really does depend on what sacrifices you are willing to make - on paper we couldn't afford DS1 but we found ways to make it work, and now expecting DC2. We don't have holidays abroad now, our holiday this year was a joint birthday present for me and DH off my parents staying at Butlins, but its worth it for us, I've never been happier :)

I'd do the sums for a variety of scenarios as others say.

I also think I'd put myself on a hardcore 'money diet' for a few months and just see how much I could save/pay and get a clearer picture of how bad my money situation really was. The thing is, getting into debt could be incredibly stressful and mar your experience of having another baby - better to have a slightly bigger age gap in manageable circumstances.

Only other question is - how old are you? Because given the PCOS if you were nearing 40 I'd advise you to be much more ruthless about trying for a baby regardless of financial circs than if you are in your 20s, say.

Good luck and sorry it is so stressful.

just to say that i am an only child precisely because of the reasons that you give, money was extremely tight and my parents took the decision that they could only afford one child.

i LOVED and still do, being an only child. it's really not a bad thing!

Thanks for all your messages everyone. After every bill gets taken out we would have left 100-200 pound a month for at least the next 6 months. From Jan/Feb next year will be a lot more once our DS?s nursery will be funded cause he?ll be turning 3.So it?s a bit more money left over than we expected. There may be more certain months if other bills get lowered or shoppings cheaper e.t.c. & @ crazyhead, I?am only early 20?s so I know I?,m still young, but when we already have a 2 and a half year old, I?d hate to be trying for years if this was the case and have such a big age gap. We have kept literally every baby item/clothes since he was born so we wouldn?t have to go out and buy every bit of new items again. Will give it another couple of months see how our finances are then, and have a chat with the hubby!

I have PCOS too and managed to get pregnant the first time my husband and I DTD after having DS1 (which was 5 months after the birth due to c section complications)!

So it won't necessarily take you ages once you start trying again. We are saving like crazy so I have to budget pretty strictly, but I'm hoping to be able to keep costs pretty similar to now even though we will have another mouth to feed (and bum to keep clean).

I think if you desperately want another baby then you will find a way to make it work, but you and your husband have to be on the same page about it or it could cause resentment and more stress!

I would just start trying. A lot of people think they can't cope financially, but might fall pregnant accidentally etc and keep anyway. You will manage. Plus in 6 months ur child will be in nursurey! So that will save u :)

Personally, I think it's never the right time to have a baby - or the wrong time! Things have a way of working out. You don't know what's round the corner, if you have PCOS and struggle conceiving you may wish you'd started earlier.