Advice on in laws

[cookiemonster100]

Hi all,

Ages to go until D day however wanted some advice. My in laws live a few hundred miles away & will obviously ( & we want them to!) to visit once baby arrives and be a part of baby life. However I find them really hardwork & have got a bit on the defensive & realise if I don't sort myself out I am going to make it hard for my DH as he will be stuck in a difficult position between me and his family. I wouldn't like it to be the other way round.

They are not the easiest of people to have as guests. When they come to visit we usually cater to their food wants, we tend to do a lot of running around after them ( MIL is quite lazy and will happily sit on the sofa and ask someone to make her a cup of tea, run upstairs and get her book/ slippers etc), entertaining them to keep them occupied ( days out etc). They hate driving in our area so hubby or i run them all over the place. They also have a habit of telling you one thing but doing something differently. Example include when I was recovering from a serious accident last yr my inlaws said they would come down for a few days to keep me occupied & help DH out, what actually happened is they sat on the sofa & hubby ended up looking after 2 more people and whilst working full time. Plus she was complaining the house wasn't clean enough & he needed to do more ( FYI he did an amazing job at looking after me could see it was becoming a struggle working FT plus nursing me back to health so no I wasn't bothered the Hoover hadn't be run round or he had not swept the kitchen floor).

They are already complaining they do not feel apart of this pg as they live so far away. I can't face having them hear right now as its exhausting at the best of times. They were REALLY involved in DH bro & g/friend pg & child so I think this is emphasising their lack of involvement.

Post birth we have asked them to stay in the B&B across the road when baby arrives which they have reluctantly agreed to ( I just want a little space to get used to b/ feeding, we only have one bathroom, just want a little 3 of us time without house guests ). However they seem to think they are coming to stay a few weeks after as well visits during pg. I need to get over this for the sake of family relations but I do feel things need to change.

One solution is to shorten their visit lengths ( I.e. 2-3 days vs 5-6).

Help please ! (soz for the long post!)
X

Oh it's so hard isn't it? My MIL has said she is coming to stay for a week once the baby arrives. We live away from all family and to be honest I just want us to be on our own after the birth. DH is going to have to have a word. I don't want to have to worry about looking after other people at such a crazy time.
I think you just have to put your foot down and say they are welcome to visit - as in a day or maybe 2 - whilst staying in the B&B? And perhaps a little while after you've had the baby?

I have no advice but will be watching with interest. Very similar situation here!

HMT I thought we had agreed they would stay at the B&B for a few visits after but according to DH they are complaining that they can't afford to stay all the time there. They are not skint tbh I wonder if they are saying that as they feel they are being pushed away.
I have (tried) stopped running around after them e.g refuse giving them a lift to the pub late of an evening as I was the only one sober to drive, however my DH still does it a lot. I can understand why coz they are his parents but I don't think it's fair that they lean on him so much eg they asked for a lift to an exhibition as he has walked through the door having done a 24 hour shift at work. A taxi would have cost them £10 & we live nr public transport but they played dumb & got him to take them.
They do like a drink as well which makes them more selfish in the way they behave.
I can't grin & bear it anymore but the thought of a fall out is worse. I just want to find a soln which suits us all!!
Xx

Oh I've had the exact same conversation today! My inlaws are lovely right enough but I just want to come home and be just us for a bit...they have said they'll stay on hotel but I would rather they wait a week, our at least a few days, after we come home

I feel for you. Mine are similar for applying pressure to stay (announced out the blue they will be coming to live with us for 4 weeks as soon as we are all home - erm no!) but they aren't so demanding to be ferried around. All I can do is say what I think, especially when she criticises things. I just tell her that it is unacceptable. I also asked DH not to agree any visits with them unless I've agreed it first but said I do recognise that they need to bond with the kids. There just has to be a balance. I am also aware that they aren't young anymore and I don't want a big falling out with people in their early 70s. Like you, mine live a good few hundred miles away so it's only really a few days each year.

I havea very similar issue as we live abroad so involves both sets of parents. Whilst I don't mind my own parents staying my inlaws stress me out bigtime but I cannot say ok for one set to stay but not the other. So everyone is staying in a holiday home closeby when they visit. I don't know if they realise that this is the arrangement for all visits in the foreseeible but if they moan about cost we will pay for it - is that an option?