Big row with DH over smoking :(

[Adreena]

please please tell me if I'm being unreasonable

I'm around 33 weeks pg and I'll start off saying I was a smoker with no intention to give up until I became pg. I haven't touched a cigarette or even any booze since my BFP.

I have been reading advice on smoking after baby us here and I want to know if I've interpreted it correctly. I read that mum shouldn't smoke during pg (obviously!) and that if co-sleeping neither parent should smoke. Does this count for if you have a co-sleeper crib too? I asked DH last night if he would mind refraining from smoking at all (he doesn't smoke indoors anyway) for 6 months after DS arrives until the SIDS risk is considered lower. He said no. I'm absolutely stunned and incredibly upset. He won't look at the research himself and seems more focused on the fact that he feels I'm "telling him what to do" rather than lowering risk to baby.

I've given up for 9 months and will continue to do so after baby is here. Am I reading the advice wrong or taking it too far, which is what he's saying? Is it ok with a co-sleeper crib if one parent smokes outside the house and then shares a room with baby? I am incredibly emotional at the moment and have suffered from OCD in the pregnancy. So I'm struggling to trust my own judgement. Please help :(

Well, if he is only a social smoker, quitting shouldn't be too hard.

He'll have to grow up and realise that having children means making sacrifices. This is not a biggy.

I'd never let anyone who smokes hold my baby within the hour. It's irresponsible.

But well done you for quitting. I just recently read some shocking figures how many pregnant women keep smoking in the UK.

He is BU you've done it and you smoked more than him. And for people saying shes controlling I think either parent smoking is the same. All the pressure is put on smoking mums but smoking dads are know different they are still living with the child and caring for him all the same. Me and my OH agreed about him stopping if we got a BFP which we did :) he has had a few slip ups and I've knew right away and warned him. The thing that's seems to have swayed him is all the third hand smoke stuff which I only discovered a couple week ago and baby being more visible now at 32+3.
I will say it is quite the deal breaker to me sorry not helpful but I asked him what he would feel like if I decided to light up now, obviously he didn't like it. Sorry not helpful post but letting you get some more opinions good luck x

Thanks for the support ladies. We've chatted some more and DH has agreed that if on the rare ocassion he's likely to be out and smoking in baby's first 6 months, he'll have to sleep in the spare room. It's a compromise.

I loved my fags but also quit when I got my BFP. DP is a smoker and still smokes. I asked him to try and quit, he hasn't bothered even trying (our babies are 9 months old). I refused to let him sleep in the same bedroom as me and the babies and he slept on the sofa for 6 months! They are now in their own room and I have allowed him back in our own bed.

I don't think you are being unreasonable asking him to try and quit but you can't insist or force him. Smoking is a powerful addiction and the will to be a non smoker has to come from that person. Ban him from the bedroom!

Reminds me of today. I'm 37 weeks, was like you, I quit drinking/smoking as soon as I got my BFP. In fact, as soon as MS kicked in the smell of cigarettes was a trigger for my vomiting.

Anyway, DP is a smoker and I have asked him if he could either cut down so that he only smokes in work or quit completely. He has been reluctant so far, but today he held up a packet of cigs in my face and went 'You're my witness, this is my last packet i'm ever going to buy'

sigh I've heard it before. It's harder for men to quit!

I asked my midwife about the co sleeping and smoking and she said just make sure the baby it's on the side of the non smoker... Went home and told dh only to find he quit smoking five Weeks earlier! Hr never smokes around me so I hadn't noticed! I didn't like his smoking but I realised that stopping had to be his choice.