34 weeks & bipolar and in pain and can't decide between VBAC or ELCS - help!

[Rones]

I'm just over 34 weeks pregnant (although feel as though I could drop any minute I feel so huge!). I'm also in a lot of pain which started about 6-8 weeks ago but has become much worse over the last couple of weeks. I'm sure it's a hiatus hernia (I had a suspected one 11 years ago and suffered with it with my first dd although not this badly). At best it's uncomfortable but at worst it's agony and I feel totally incapacitated. I also have bipolar 2 disorder (off meds since just before falling pregnant) and my mood has really lowered these last couple of weeks, mainly because of the pain I think.

Before all this pain, I was sure that I wanted to try for a VBAC but now I'm not so sure as I'm finding it all so hard. At least with an ELCS I would know (hopefully) the date I'd give birth and could avoid a potentially difficult labour (who knows?). I'm really torn and could do with any advice or experience anyone may have. My first c-section was planned (breech baby) just over 5 years ago and I recovered well physically but there's no medical reason why I couldn't try for a natural birth.....but the closer it gets, the more scared I feel and I'm not sure if I cope given the pain I'm already in (I've been given omeprazole and told to take paracetamol but it's not making much difference so far) and my fragile mental state.

Any comments much appreciated!

hey - sounds like it is really tough for you at the moment, but also that you are doing really well. Being off your meds for that long is a real amazing acheivement. xx
It is scary thinking of labour! as they are all so different, have you talked to your midwife or CPN? maybe they could give you some advice? or HV?

perhaps an ELSC maybe better as you will have some structure and routine plus a date to work towards which would help to increase your mood a little. When things are all over the place, we feel out of control and the little things become huge to us.... having something to focus on will help you. the physical pain will feel more intense because of your low serotonin levels and your BP. do you have any distraction tecniques or recovery tools you could use when you feel your mood going down ? Keep your sleep tank topped up, think about what is best for you regarding the birth.
You have a little one already and one due soon. Would an ELSC be better for you recovery MH wise? You are important and looking after your MH is too. xx

Thanks muddyducks, yes I've spoken to everyone about my options although I wasn't happy after my 3rd obstetrician appointment (at about 31 weeks) as she was quite quick to suggest a sweep at 40 weeks followed by induction at 41 weeks and I (stupidly) just agreed and signed! Having thought about it a lot since, I'm now sure that I don't want to be induced. I've arrange to see the obstetrician I saw at 12 weeks (the best one so far in my opinion with a special interest in mental health) in a couple of weeks time so I'm sure she will be able to help me in making a decision or at least get a better idea of what I want.

It's so tough because I'm just not sure what I really want and how much I'm being influenced by others' views (family, friends, society etc.). I know that ultimately I need to do what's best for me and ensure that I try to stay as sane as possible this time! I had a planned c-section last time and still suffered very bad PND but you are right that not knowing when I could give birth (or what it might be like) does make me feel out of control and anxious. Sleeping hasn't been easy (with the physical discomfort and thoughts flying around my head) but I'm hoping I can really rest up soon as I've been signed off work now and my dd1 is at school for the next 4 weeks at least. I'm doing pregnancy yoga every week and intend to start listening to a hynobirthing CD regularly (once so far!) and I've had regular massage. I guess ultimately I'm not sure if I'll cope with the pain of natural childbirth but I'm not sure that's the best reason not to try and I don't want to have any regrets later. There are no easy answers I know.....

Thanks again. x