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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

MIL visiting when baby 3 weeks

25 replies

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 09:43

MIL is coming to stay from abroad for 2 weeks when our new baby will be 3 weeks old. We have 2 other children aged 2 and 5 who share a room. We only have 2 bedrooms but we do have a large living room and seperate dining room.

What would you do:

A) Book MIL into B&B 2 mins walk away
B) Buy bunk beds for childrens room and MIL sleep on bottom bunk with 5yr old on top bunk and 2yr old in cot. It's a very large room (2 rooms knocked together).
C) Buy sofa bed for dining room and MIL sleeps in there.
D) Sofa bed but we sleep in there with baby and MIL has our room.

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noblegiraffe · 28/06/2013 09:46

B&B, two weeks is a long time and it would be good to have some space apart from each other. Also if she is well-rested and not kept up with crying babies, she can take baby in the day and let you nap or shower etc.

It does depend on your MIL and your relationship with her. I can't imagine sticking mine in a bunk bed!

Original poster

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 09:48

Bunk beds is DH's idea

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 28/06/2013 09:48

Oh, and if you're shattered in the evening and want to go to bed early, you can without feeling you have to entertain. Sofa bed in the living room would mean a palaver every evening and you can't sleep if she wants to watch TV.

Laquila · 28/06/2013 09:48

Partially depends on your relationship with MIL, but I would say B&B!

Obvious factors thought are things like how ,inch time/effort she wants to expending on your children, whether you want her to have a good night's sleep, whether she'll be mortally offended at being out in a B&B, who'll be paying etc. Have you discussed it with her?

mrspaddy · 28/06/2013 09:50

Could you ask her what she is happier to do? She might feel awkward paying for B&B and even more awkward if you pay? However, it seems the most sensible thing to do. I don't think moving out of your own room is a good idea while you are recovering from pregnancy. Your own health is most important. Could your partner ring her ?

oohaveabanana · 28/06/2013 09:51

B&B if it was me (& I love my MIL)

You can sell it to her as having her own space away from night interruptions, but imo a 2 bed house with 6 people in will be claustrophobic very fast. Having a bit of time to yourself is a godsaver for long family visits...

Original poster

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 09:55

We will pay for B&B since she is flying a long way - 10 hours to help us. I think if I speak to her directly she will say no because she won't want us to pay for her IYKWIM....

She will be helping look after the other DC as will be school holidays. The 2 yr old will continue with 2 days at childminder and MIL is hoping to teach 5 yr old some of her native language on these days . I will be here all the time but feeding / sleeping with baby. She is a retired primary school teacher

OP posts:

knittingirl · 28/06/2013 09:56

B&B - two weeks is a long time, she will be able to help out a lot more if she's rested properly, and you will need some time as a family which you won't get if she's staying with you.

g0ldie · 28/06/2013 09:56

B&B. When my mum stayed when ds was 10 days did this and it worked really well for all. I am really close to my mum but was good for all of us to have a little more space - for my mum too! meant she always got a good nights sleep and was refreshed ready to help with her grandson the next day.

GibberTheMonkey · 28/06/2013 09:57

B&b

Even my parents who I love dearly and don't mind having around put themselves up in a local b&b so as to give us space

Original poster

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 09:57

Yes I do think having her own space / a bit of a break will be beneficial for everyone. I imagine the children won't give her a minutes peace otherwise....

B&B seems sensible. It's a very short walk away so v convenient. Hope we don't offend her....

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 28/06/2013 09:58

B&B

TheSurgeonsMate · 28/06/2013 10:00

No 5 year olds in top bunks, please!

B&B or MIL on sofabed.

sunflowered · 28/06/2013 10:01

My parents used all of those options apart from the b&b at various points in our childhood! When brother was born I was 8, we had mum's mum staying for 3 weeks to help out ( she was in my bed, I was in the creaky camp bed in the corner which for some reason I thought was a treat...) and dad's parents stayed for a week or so on the sofa in the living room at the same time. We quite often had the entire family pile into our house for holidays/xmas/etc though so we weren't trying it for the first time - and they all got on well so wasn't too stressful. I was too young at the time to pick up on whether parents thought the 24/7 'help' was really that helpful though

Sheshelob · 28/06/2013 10:01

I had this exact situation - except we only have one child. I would say B&B all the way. More restful for everyone. And if your MIL is anything like mine, less chance of you wanting to punch her in the face.

badguider · 28/06/2013 10:01

I'd book the B&B and present it as a 'no option, fait acompli' - it will be better for you all surely, you and the baby will be keeping odd hours (e.g. going to bed VERY early) at times and you need the space to have options for night feeding etc.

Laquila · 28/06/2013 10:01

You could perhaps tell a little fib and tell her you were getting a really good deal on the B&B as it's for two weeks, so she won't feel so awkward about you paying? I definitely think you can also sell it as you wanting her to be refreshed for the daily running round after the kids.

Shanghaidiva · 28/06/2013 10:02

Another vote for B&B.

AnythingNotEverything · 28/06/2013 10:08

B&B - we've got room for my MIL to stay but I know I won't get the rest I need so soon after birth if she stays with us. Just book it.

Original poster

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 10:15

Ok B&B seems to be the way forward! I have emailed them!

Will definitely have to present it as a done deal otherwise she will offer to pay etc which we don't want. Lets hope a nice surprise!!!!

OP posts:

Bejeena · 28/06/2013 10:58

B & B, no question regardless of the cost to you it will be worth every penny. No other option.

We only have 2 bedrooms and our first is due in 7 weeks. I have already banned all parents staying from now on because the second bedroom is now baby room, regardless of whether baby in it or not.

I would not be able to cope with the stress of my MIL staying for 2 weeks at any time, let alone 3 weeks after giving birth.

mrspaddy · 28/06/2013 11:00

I meant to put moving out of your room is not a good idea

Original poster

weakestlink · 28/06/2013 11:01

Slightly concerned now that it might be a nightmare but I literally have no other option! DH only has 3 weeks off and I can't cope with 2 DCs and a newborn on my own! Will just have to suck it up and be grateful for any help...
Waiting on reply from B&B...

OP posts:

workingtitle · 28/06/2013 11:04

If the b&b doesn't work, could you put bunk beds AND a single bed in the second bedroom? Would be nicer.
It's a lovely thing to do to book the b&b for her though, I hope she is happy with the arrangement. Hey, maybe one night you can swap and she can stay at yours with the older two while you get some time alone with the baby

DowntonTrout · 28/06/2013 11:07

I am going to visit DD when her newborn is 3 weeks old.

She has offered us the spare room. We have booked into a hotel.

I don't want her to have to think about feeding us or washing extra bedding etc etc. I think they need their space, as do we ( me, DH and DD2).

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