I didn't had a good childhood and I was sexually abused by my father. He died when I was 9. My mum isn't 100% in her mind.
It's almost like 2 people in one body. A very nice one and a horrible one.
She lives with this man. She said he used to use drugs, but I think he's still on it. He's like her clearly not 100% in his mind.
Sometimes I had a question about my childhood. Or I just felt the need of talking with my mum about my past.
Sometimes I really mean sometimes. Once in a half year something like that.
This was usually ok, but since she's with this man any time I wanted to have a chat she reacted totally different. Like I was accusing her of my abuse.
She has done things wrong in the past. But I really think she's mentally ill and she didn't make the mistakes on purpose. Just unable to see or to understand the consequences of some of her actions.
Since I left my house I didn't had a close contact with her anymore. She's still my mum and she isn't completely bad. But I don't want close contact with her either.
I never really got along with her partner. She met him when I was pregnant with my second child. She almost immediately moved in by him.
I never understood what he had against me. When I asked my mum she couldn't give me a clear answer either.
He once even started to swear at me. Just out of no where. I had no idea what happened or what I did wrong. He just started to swear and scream at me. My children were also there with me when he did that. Started to call me a whore and the rest of the list.
A couple of weeks ago I found out whats wrong.
My mother has spoken to him about my past, but said that the sexual abuse is a lie. That my father was a good man.
I never spoke to this man about the past. She did that and she lies about it.
My father sure wasn't a good man. Not to me and not to her either. There was even a period in my childhood that he had a girlfriend who also lived in our home. As a child you find that normal. You don't understand what's going on. But now I sure do and my mum also told me that she was indeed my dad's girlfriend. Mum wasn't able to leave with us. She had no idea what to do or where to go to. So she bit her teeth and stayed.
This man thinks I'm a liar. That my father was a good man and my mum a good mum. That I had a good childhood. But that I'm sick, crazy or something else is wrong with me. That I just like to hurt my mother.
When I found this out I really felt stabbed in the back by my own mother. She has done weird things in the past. Also absolutely hurtful things. But this is absolutely the worst she has done to me since I moved out of her house.
I wrote her a letter saying that I stop any kind of contact with her. Because she tells her partner what a good man my father was and how wrong I'm and how much I always hurt her. Because of her lies he never liked me and once started to swear at me in front of my kids. He also wrote from time to time e-mails with a lot of swearing in there.
This was weeks ago. She still tries to contact us. Like nothing has ever happened. How is the weather today? How are you all over there? But we ignore it all.
Now that I'm writing this I think I must be nuts for feeling bad and want to have a bit more contact for her again.
But it's not only her bad side that I've said goodbye to, it's also her good side. And that one I do miss.
Thanks for reading my story.
Sylvia