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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Bridesmaid 5/6 weeks post birth, EBF baby...

11 replies

goingagain · 27/06/2013 10:44

Hello

I am to be a bridesmaid for a very good friend who will be married on a date which will be (depending on arrival date) 5-7 weeks after the birth of baby #2. The wedding is not local to where we live (few hours drive away) and my husband is also part of the wedding party.

I cannot let her down but equally I am starting to freak out a bit about logistics, as I plan to EBF the baby as I did with #1. However I am hoping that second time around things won't be quite so manic at 5-7 weeks (with #1 I could barely string a sentence together at that point).

Has anyone done anything similar? How was it??

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3Caramel · 27/06/2013 10:59

Yes - I was the one & only (?!) bridesmaid to my best friend 10 weeks after giving birth. And same as you, the wedding was 2 hours away, dc was ebf (and first child - so still finding my feet!), etc. etc. I kept trying to drop very unsutle hints about how absent / useless i was going to be during the day (and in the run up the wedding too, come to that - had to miss the hen do was dc was just a few weeks old), but nothing really seemed to sink in....

The upshot was, I ended up wearing a horrid dress that I could just about bf in (& was cheap so I didnt' feel too gulilty about wasting the brides money), I felt incrediable self-concious the whole day about being "on display" (walking up the aisle, photos, sitting at top table etc.), and either my dh or I were absent from the service/reception throughout the day i.e. we "tag-teamed" it. And it was stressful and incrediably hard.

However, my friend & her dh really appreciated us being there, and were understanding that we were doing our best. A wedding should all be about the bride & groom, and however much I didnt' want to do it, I was glad that I made the effort. Although, I definitely wouldn't have done for someone who wasn't such a close friend!

I was recommend that either you or your husband are in the wedding party, as you will need one of you that can take the strain in looking after the dc (e.g. my dh spent the service walk round the block outside the church, then was ready to hand dc over to me straight away afterwards to be bf in the car). Or could you get a parent to come with you to do this?

Also, make it clear to the bride that your priority will be the baby on the day, as you will be a new mum who is breastfeeding, and that you will not be very "useful" as a bridesmaid due to this. If she still wants you to be a bridesmaid, then do it if she's a best friend, or get out of it using the baby as an excuse if she's not - if she doesn't understand - she will as soon as she has her own dcs!

3Caramel · 27/06/2013 11:05

p.s. Also meant to say, that I was so proud to be there with my dc (even if I was looking horrendous!) and most of the guests were really sweet & supportive :)

Bejeena · 27/06/2013 11:08

I agree about making it clear to your friend that you have to look after your baby, if the baby needs a feed then you have to go and feed him. I know some brides might not understand this but you know your friend best. For examply I have a friend getting married just after our due date and although I am not bridesmaid I could tell you now that she is the type of bride who wouldn't understand that you might have to dive out during the meal, or photos or whenever to look after baby. She would just tell her bridesmaid to feed the baby later. You know her best and if she is a true friend and understanding then it should be fine.

lemontwist · 27/06/2013 11:17

My lovely amazing friend was BM for me 5 DAYs after having her DC2. Wedding was a bit more local for her (30mins) and her DH was on hand to have baby and toddler when needed. She managed all day and managed to stay til after the first dance but looked pretty tired by then and left. She had been adamant she wasn't missing it for the world even though I was obviously happy for her to be there as much or as little as she could.

She was 2weeks overdue so really cut it fine but we managed to find a dress style that fitted nicely. She managed to find discrete corners to bf in. I t meant so much to me that she made such an effort to be part of things.

Is there anyway you can have another family member to come along to help with the baby?

goingagain · 27/06/2013 11:20

I have already said that I am going to have to have the baby with me other than when I am walking down the aisle basically... though I am not sure if it really went in! The thing is, like 3Caramel said above, I want the day to be all about her so don't want to be awkward but at the same time my priority will be my tiny NB. This is second time around for me so am hoping will be slightly less traumatising than the 5-7 week period last time but I guess that might be wishful thinking.

My parents have offered to come down and help for the weekend (they live 350 miles away) though likely they will need to stay at home with #1 so I might have to see if our nanny could come with me or similar.

The dress is a whole other thing to worry about... we all chose a dress recently and it is relatively BF friendly, though I am more concerned about the massive amounts of lycra / corsetry I am going to need to even remotely get rid of / calm the post-baby tum which at 6 weeks I think will be very much still hanging around.... I ordered a size bigger than my pre pregnancy size and will have to get it altered about a week before the wedding.

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lemontwist · 27/06/2013 11:23

Can you get hold of a pretty sling (borrow one maybe)?

goingagain · 27/06/2013 11:24

Woah 5 DAYS... that is hardcore! How lovely she did that.

I think I am going to need to ask our old nanny (she is only with us up until arrival of #2 as I will be on mat leave) to come with us, otherwise it will be impossible.

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goingagain · 27/06/2013 11:28

Yes I have visions of just strapping the baby to me (and it being quiet!) and carrying on almost as normal... wishful thinking I think

God it is making me teary thinking about it - I really don't want to be away from the baby! I can remember vivdly the first time I left my son (at about ten weeks old) to walk around the garden of my in-laws house - he was inside asleep with inlaws).

Will I be more relaxed with #2??

And poor #1, I really don't want to have to leave him at home either but I think I might have no choice. I have had one night away from him (when he was 10 months, another wedding in France which we did in 36 hrs!) I hate leaving him :-(

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tumbletumble · 27/06/2013 11:28

I was a bridesmaid when DC2 was 12 weeks old and EBF. Wedding was not local and DCs were not invited (since having DCs herself the bride has apologised to me for this!). My lovely parents came with us (luckily they had some friends nearby to stay with), looked after DC1 and brought DC2 to me every time she needed feeding, and then handed her over to us for the night when we retired to our room. The dress was a size bigger than I usually am and not too tight on the tummy - I was really pleased with how I looked! Good luck!

3Caramel · 27/06/2013 12:02

Try not to get upset! I think everyone is on the same page that you shouldn't be away from from the new baby, and no one in their right mind would ask you to be!

Sorry if I was a bit negative about my experience. What i meant to get across is that despite it not being ideal, it is do-able, and I was glad that I did it :) And it being your dc2 - you may find it easier than you think? And do talk to the bride again about how unavaiable you will be on the day due to bf & looking after a new baby - then at least she's prepared when you keep disappearing! And is it possible for your dp to not be part of the wedding party?

Good luck!

goingagain · 27/06/2013 15:50

Mmmm no my husband is the best man so he can't duck out of that!

Am sure it will be fine..... Confused

It really helps to hear other people's experiences though, so thanks for sharing

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