I'm pregnant and so upset

[samsmother]

This morning I found out I am pregnant and I'm so upset.
Bit of background it might be long but I really need some hand holding sorry
We used to live in a 1 bed flat, last year we got consent to build a small extension to create another bedroom for our little boy, should have taken 6 weeks which we moved in with my parents. Fast forward 11 months, we faced a big legal war with our upstairs neighbour (and is still ongoing) as she began her objections once the builders had gutted our flat, and now we are still at my parents. We are now in masses of debt that I am unsure how to get out of but the build Is too far along now to stop. To say its been a very stressful year is an understatement and I've not been sleeping well because of it. Literally yesterday my DH accepted a new job with a pay cut but with potentially better prospects and he currently very unhappy in his present job. Less than 2 weeks ago I found out my work are having to make people redundant and all I have been able to think about is how to pay all of our mortgages and debts. We literally did it once, with contraception, it took us a while to conceive our beautiful DS and now today I find out I'm pregnant. I'm so upset

Sending hugs hun xxx

No advice other than I am a huge believer in things happening for a reason. I am 32 weeks with my first, in mountains of debt after leaving my ea exh last July and having only been with dp a couple of months when we found out.

Hang in there if you want the baby, it will all work out in the end. And its not the end of the world, you are early enough that there are still choices if you decide you can't go through with it xxx

Giving you a hand to hold.
I found out I was pregnant a month ago. My first thought was sheer panic. I'm 18 and was just about to start my exams, so I understand the being upset part.

I too believe that everything happens for a reason, and I made the decision to keep my baby and we're going to work as damn hard as we can to make sure we can provide a decent life for this baby.

If you decide you want to keep it, I definitely agree that it will work out in the end, and echoing what babyhmummy said, you do have other choices, and no one can make that decision apart from you.

There's lots of financial help you can get if you're struggling for money. Look at it this way, living at your mums might not be ideal but at least you have parents supportive enough to want to help you.

Sending you hugs, I know how difficult it is to make these sorts of decisions. xxx

Oh big hugs.
Unexpected bfps are hard to come to terms with and very under discussed. Please know that you have the right to feel whatever you're feeling.
I got my huge shock in December and cried for weeks. I knew i had to see it through but grieved for my great lifeand my ddreams.
I do believe that all babies are gifts. Money is just money, I've had to give up my very well paid and wonderful job and we now live on dh not great salary. No frills or fancy hols here for the next few years.
You really are not alone. Have you spoken to you dh yet?

Things will work out. They always do. Good luck
Xx

I do feel for you - I too had an unexpected pregnancy - we're living in a one bed flat and with a freelance partner, money is tight. I'm also facing redundancy. So it is a worrying time - I would suggest contacting your Dr to see if they can put you on a short course of CBT. This is not therapy, but a practical approach to dealing with overwhelming circumstances. We all tend to pile things up, and CBT helps to put stuff into manageable boxes. Although it all feels a bit bleak, you are fortunate that you can stay with your parents. Although I appreciate this has stresses of its own, at the very least you are not facing homelessness and there is support. As for the legal nightmare - now might be a very good time to sit down with your neighbour to thrash this out. However unreasonable they are - no one likes losing money and they are losing just as much cash. The council that gave planning permission may also have a mediation service. They should be supportive since they gave you permission in the first place - surely your neighbour would have received due notice. I did when my freeholder wanted to extend and I sorted it out straight away. If you can use the new pregnancy to get a sympathetic foot in your neighbour's door it might start to resolve the situation. CAB still offer debt advice services, if you have not already done so then it is worth booking an appointment as there might be solutions you are unaware of. I often feel a bit blue and hopeless in the face of life, but then I sit down and put it all into context using the CBT techniques and believe me, it works! Good luck with it all.

Thanks everybody for your kind words, I spent all day crying so it means a lot. Yesterday I told my DH and he's very happy, it almost makes me feel worse that I'm not sharing the happiness with him. Bobby, my DH ha actually had CBT himself and was trying to help me rationalise my thoughts last night although I'm not feeling much better as of yet. We can't speak to the neighbour, she has decided that she is not communicating with us (I haven't seen her since last July) unless its through solicitors (to be honest even before this I actually hate her so much after what she has put our family through this past year through greed and pure selfishness . The thought of seeing her now fills me with dread. She decided she wanted a baby after we had our DS (2.10) and has failed to conceive and keep a pregnancy and so many people have suggested that she is jealous of our situation (pre extension) therefore she's out for herself, as well as having no desire to see her, I don't think using my pregnancy as a way in will help in the slightest. We looke into mediation but the neighbour is refusing to pay as she says this ha only happened because of our works so we should pay for it, she fails to see all this bad feeling and expense has been because of her and her actions, we have been nothing but upfront along the way. Doing a bit of research I don't think we qualify for any financial help as apparently we earn too much (I don't agree and I'm not very materialistic, but we need money to pay our massive mortgage rising debts plus bills and living). I just can't see a way out. I think the last year has completely changed my relationship with my parents and I know they can't wait for us to move out! I had a termination 8 years ago and I know I don't want that, but I can't see forward either I'm just so lost on limbo. Thanks again everybody and congratulations on all your pregnancies x

It's your decision but you know, once the build is done you can always sell the flat and get away from the neighbour from hell. Don't base any decisions on your pregnancy because of property or other people. My friend gave me some very good advice "Don't let other people tell you how you should be feeling." I also live by the motto "Don't let the b**ds grind you down". Possibly see if you can get away for a week on a cheap deal to give your parents some space - AirBnB is a cheap way to book accommodation. Sometimes, you have to put your armour on - I've had to refuse contact with my mother during pregnancy as she causes so much stress in my life and so while others might think it's cruel , I have to put baby first. Think of it this way, you have a healthy son, a supportive husband and you're adding another to the family - unexpected but who knows what joy new baby will bring. Last year I lost my best friend to cancer and since then whenever I start to feel down I just remember how much I have to be thankful for. I really hope things get moving and are resolved because you do sound like someone who cares, and that's a good thing in this world!