What are you all doing for childcare during labour if you have no help?

[Fakebook]

We don't have anyone that could help us lookafter the children this time. I have asked a school mum to pick my dd from school if I'm in labour during the day and she's been kind and told me she'll happily keep dd during the night too, which is great but that leaves my DS who will be about 22 months. We have 2 good friends who have young children and babies of their own and one is due around the same time and I can't ask them for help as it seems like a lot to ask.

Has anyone gone through labour alone without their DH? Because we may have to consider this, especially if I go into labour at night like the last time. Or are there any babysitting companies that can send out someone during the night or day in emergencies for babysitting?

I'm quite worried about what we will do, but my DH seems to think its nothing to get anxious about and it will all work out. I know it won't.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

I would ask one of your friends. However awkward you may feel, realistically, it could only be for a few hours until your dh is home.

It may be through the night and your ds will be asleep, or through the day and he can play etc. I'm sure your friends wouldn't mind.

I had this. Asked a friend who said she would keep DD for me. As it turned out she then had an emergency that day so rang my mum who lives 3 hours away but she came down. Have a couple of options. With any luck your labour will be over with quickly!

I'm hoping for a quick labour. My last one lasted about 3 hours from going into hospital to giving birth.

I'm hoping my dad is back to stay with us by then, but he has parkinsons and I can't leave 2 children with him alone during the day. If its at night, it should be fine as both are sleeping through now but it all depends if he will be staying with me then, as he hops between my sister (abroad) and me.

I may well have to build up the courage to ask someone though!

Hi fakebook
I had both dd's alone (with hospital staff) it was great
I could totally focus on the job at hand and not worry about anything. This time dh is definitely going to be there and in some ways i wish he wasn't. Have you thought about a different birth partner? If you'd be calmest with dh looking after other dc think about it. Having dh at births is a fairly new and very western ideas
Good luck

I'm hoping to have a home birth so that DD can be at home where she'll be most comfortable, (this isn't the only reason but has contributed to our decision) family all live far away and work so can't come over at short notice.

I'm thinking about this too... I'm planning a home birth, so hopefully DD can stay at home where she is comfortable, but I'm conscious I'll still need someone on hand to look after her if I need to go to hospital for any reason or if it's during the day. She's only 2 so will need quite a lot of attention and I'm assuming she won't sit by and happily watch me labour with DP (I quite like the idea of her being present but worry it would freak her out). What I'm thinking of is putting together a list of potential friends/family, with contact details and available slots, so DP can call around if need be to get someone to come over and either be with DD at home, or take her out. Not ideal, but like OP we don't have anyone obvious to ask really... Good luck!

I'm hoping to have a home birth because we don't have anybody to watch dd. But my mum and stepdad want to come a week before my due date so hopefully I'll go into labour when there around! I still want a home birth but at least my stepdad can keep dd busy for me.

I initially thought a home birth would be the solution to the problem. I've had two straightforward births so am an ideal candidate but when I mentioned it to my midwife in my booking appointment she told me that I shouldn't have a home birth as a solution for childcare. She is right in a way, but I'd rather DH was a room away with my children rather than be 15 mins away, and potentially not be present for the first few hours of Dd's birth.

Maybe I should push for a home birth? Do you know how long before you have to make a final decision about it?

Really? I didn't even mention it to my mw and she said, are you going to be having a hb? I said yes I was planning on it, she said, I thought so, you want having to worry about the little one then.

I would ask a friend. I don't think a homebirth is the answer (unless you want one anyway). In hospital you will be looked after and have some time to recover and focus on the new baby. If you are at home, it will be difficult to relax with all the demands on you.

Im having a home birth,had one last time with dc4,the kids were asleep!

Could that be an option?persoally i would be ok without dh in labour BUT its about him too,he wants to be there,and i like him there for the end bit so we can coo over them together and say how clever i am!

xmasbaby-assuming her husband isnt a total dick he will be taking on the demands of the others like most men?

you can decide where you want your baby up to the very last minute.

Another one here whos midwife said she thought hb was ideal because of all the kids.

Go on have a home birth it sounds ideal for you,it is amazing!

I went through labour alone without dh two weeks ago.
He looked after DC1 and DC2 and I went to hospital by tram then 5 minute walk - I was only 3cm on arrival.
Despite it being DC3 I did not give birth til 10 hours later. I had a book and a birthing ball for company
In some respects it was the right thing to do as DC1 and 2 were just as traumatic and DH could not really do much apart from watch in horror.
But I really didn't want anyone other than him there, equally similar to you my youngest needed him so I bit the bullet (Do not live in UK btw so no family around).

What can I say? I survived. But I wouldn't recommend it unless you have no choice or have experienced labour before which was not excruciating for you. I had no support or advocate therefore had to rally against having induction drip alone, have enema alone, left on a heart trace for two hours alone, have waters broken for me alone, you get the picture.

The hospital knew in advance I would be on my own but they thought as it was DC3 despite interventions for DC1 and 2 that I knew what I was doing so I spent 8 hours out of ten on my own basically then the last two thinking I was going to die. Natural birth without epi, pethadine or even gas and air SUCKED BIG TIME. I cannot get over how stupid I was or how brutal it was.

This is noone's fault, I accept that, and I also know my DH could not have done much had he been here but to do it alone you really really need to be strong, have a good/established relationship with the midwife or a high pain threshold imho.

That said, in the old days it was normal for my mum etc to give birth alone/with whoever was on shift and no doulas, advocates etc

I have a beautiful son. I could not be more grateful. But I would not wish what I went through on anyone else.

If I had had an epidural and/or not felt assaulted by the midwife I might feel differently. It may be very liberating/empowering for you to do it on your own. It depends I think about how much control you have over the circumstances.

Good luck with whatever you decide and do not let my bad experience put you off as like all births, yours might be a very different experience to mine. I thought it only fair to warn you that you cannot guarantee a quicker birth or a gentler midwife etc and the loneliness was hard to take for me when usually I am fairly upbeat/self-reliant.

Thanks for all this good advice.

Fuckwittery, I've also thought about a doula but I've heard they can ask for upto £1000, and unfortunately it's not something we can afford after bills. I'm going to have a look at the babysitting websites you've mentioned as this may be a real option.

About the homebirth choice, ambersocks, I was really positive about having one until the mw put a damper on it. She didnt like the fact I wanted one so we wouldn't have to worry about childcare, but actually, that's the only reason why I'd have one. I may have to try to push for one, as I'd be happier if my DH was looking after our children as DS can be quite demanding. I'd be happier giving birth alone if I knew DH was downstairs and could run up when baby was coming.
The only thing that I would worry about is the fact I have had 2 second degree tears with both babies and needed stitching up which took about 1.5 hours both times. If I tore again would I have to go in for that? Even so, I'd go alone as DH has never been present during the stitching up stage as he's normally been out making phone calls.

Beyoncecastle, I'm sorry for your bad experience. I had a horrendous first labour as I was induced so that's a big reason why I'd like DH nearby for support. Luckily I've had good midwives both times, but you never know who will be the next one or what will happen.

You don't want to be alone during labour. I had a scheduled CS with DS so DD was at daycare. While DS was plucked from me DH was next to me. Our 2nd back up was our babysitter who lives close by and our 3rd back up was the waitress our DD loves at our local who is a trainee nurse.

Here in the US you also have overnight child minders and I am sure they must exist in the UK. Our neighbour is heavily pregnant and they just moved from Brooklyn and her family live in North Carolina. I let them know they can knock on our door at any time. Is there another mother on your street who could help you out?

Fakebook.

Don't wanna panic you, but make sure your support is as near as your neighbour. My first labour was 2 hours, second 90 min and third 30 mins.
If you are going to be similar there will be no time for anyone to get to you if they are not close.
Our neighbours had ds1 when we had ds2, which was a God send as middle of night.
Are your neighbours any good? You really do need somebody very close geographically.

When my younger brother was born, me and my three sisters (aged 1, 5,6 and 7) all waited in the waiting room! I was the 5 year old, and remember watching the telly. Our step-dad kept popping in to check we were ok. When he popped his head round the door to tell us our brother had arrived we all went - "awww, can we finish watching Supergirl first?". The midwives kept checking on us too! We must've been there for about 3 hours I think.

I think you could ask your friends. Me and my neighbour are both up the duff and we're each other's back-up child care people even though I'll be heavily pregnant round her due date and she'll have a newborn at mine. Our first borns adore each other and are comfortable with the respective adults so we reckon it's the most practical solution in an emergency even if it's not ideal.

I would ask your friend who is due at the same time and be each others back up, I did this with a friend due the same day, never actually called on each other, hers was a homebirth and was born at night while her toddler slept. he came down in the morning to find a new sister, ideal if it works.

Where do you live OP?