Newly pregnant, newly dumped!

[mollymalone1]

Hello all, I'm very new to all this so please be gentle with me. I'm 32 and this is my first pregnancy. My partner, who in all fairness wasn't exactly Mr Reliable to start out, has had a massive panic attack and left (the pregnancy wasn't planned). There's very little chance he'll return. I've yet to see a midwife and, given the circumstances, have yet to tell anybody other than my G.P and my housemate about my pregnancy. I generally feel quite alone and thought I'd reach out to you ladies in the hope of some consoling words, and perhaps some advice - I rather feel like I'm in a void. I'm not yet in receipt of any useful medical advice and I can't talk to other mum's of my acquaintance as I'm still trying to keep the news from filtering out. Which means that every tiny twinge feels like a disaster and my lack of general symptoms such as morning sickness mean I've managed to persuade myself that the worst has probably happened. I think I'm around 7 weeks.

Hi Molly sorry to hear your OH has left. I'm not entirely sure what advise you would like but are you taking folic acid? If not go and get some.

My morning sickness with DS2 didn't start until I was 9 weeks so you may still get it, if you do eat little and often to keep your blood sugars up.

If you have anything specifically you would like to know, just ask x

That's a very sad situation that you're in.

These days there're lot's of single mothers. Some choice to become a single mum and others have been left alone in the pregnancy.

Maybe there's some single mother support kind of group in your area. Would that help you to meet with ladies who have gone and are going threw similar things as what you're going threw?

It's a myth that this mostly happen to teenage girls. It happens to ladies in all age categories.
It's terrible if someone just leaves you alone when you tell him that you're pregnant. But you're not the only lady to who this is happening.

Take care in this difficult time,
Sylvia

Hi molly sorry you are having a crappy time at the moment. Any symptoms at all? Sore boobs? Exhaustion? Not everyone gets sick. Is your booking appointment booked?
Can you do this alone?

Hello. I think the first few weeks of a pregnancy, particularly a first, are very unsettling. Hormones are weird things, on top of the emotional stuff.

Twinges are very normal. I had full on period pains every month with ds2, but it was all fine. And, in both my pregnancies, morning sickness etc didn't really kick in until 7-9 weeks.

Lots of help and support on here.

I didn't want to read & run, haven't got a great deal of experience here so can't offer fantastic advice but just to say there are ears here to listen & hands to hold. I am 19 & 36 weeks pregnant with a very wriggly little girl, different to you that my partner has stuck by me but it was hard when we first found out as like you it was unplanned. Firstly how do you feel about the pregnancy, because realistically that's all that counts here? I had no morning sickness, nothing other than tender/sore breasts & an unhealthy craving for pop tarts. Start on folic acid, & have you arranged a booking in appointment with the midwife?
Do you have supportive family? A sister or best friend you can confide in?

Ooo x-posted with a lot of people... Oops! Great advice offered already!

I have no idea what you may be going through but I just wanted to say with grit and determination and hope you can get through this.
Organisations to Google:
Gingerbread, a single parents charity
DWP for tax and benefit info
CSA for maintenance

I would also keep an eye on all relevant MN threads, past and present, loads of real advice for women who can say, been there done that.

My very best wishes

Also wish to send you best wishes.. not an expert but 29 weeks and also worried a lot at the start. Look after yourself. I found swimming great.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope you get more support from friends and family as you deserve it xx

Hi

I've been in your situation when I was 19 and my partner of 2 years left me and ignored me in the street when he saw me.
Stay strong, having my son was the best thing I ever did and once your little one is here u won't look back and when your ex partner sees you being a great mum u can stick to fingers up at him :) bloody men, it's so easy for them to run away.

Good luck, there are plenty of single mums out there. All my friends were in the relationships having children at the time and I felt out of place being a single mum. But I'm married now ( to a different man,not the asshole :)with 2 kids and one on the way so you never know what will happen around the corner.

Good luck and ull be just fine.

Hi Molly, your life sounds stressful right now, hope you're ok. I'm preg with my third, first time I had horrendous morning sickness, fainting, the works for 20 weeks, second mild nausea, third time lucky! I feel great! What I mean is lack of symptoms means nothing it can be completely normal so try not to worry.
If you think you're 7 weeks you need to phone gp to make a booking appt (usually done between 8-10 weeks near me).
One of my good friends had her partner of 5 years walk out the day she announced her planned pregnancy. He didn't come back but she is one of the best mums I know, with a gorgeous, well adjusted 3 yo son, a career and a new partner. If this is what YOU want keep your chin up and carry on, things have a way of sorting themselves out.

Hi all, yes am taking folic acid (and vitamin C and D) and was told that my G.P would be referring me to the midwife and that I had to wait to hear from her? Happy to do that, so long as I'm not simply put out of mind - I don't want to appear too pushy, so I'm waiting until next week and if I haven't heard anything I'm going to ring myself.

I suppose I've yet to know how I feel properly as the behaviour of my ex has rather overshadowed the experience. I know I'm definitely going to proceed with the pregnancy, hence my partner's meltdown. Thank you @tubemole1 for the links, I'm sure they'll be really useful. Right now I'm eating lots of fruit and veg in a rather vague way!

Thank you all for the support. And yes I agree @3boys3dogshelp, things do have a way of sorting themselves out. I shall maintain a PMA and keep a hopeful eye out for a well-aimed lightening bolt. ;-)

Don't worry op put your feet up and relax and spoil yourself! I was single mum of two my dc's were 2 & 3 at the time 360days between them xp was a complete ahole ignored kids called me all names under the sun. But because of all that I became the stronger person. I coped great! Best thing I ever did. Was tiring but very very worth it. I see the dc's now there 9 & 10 I am so very proud of them. They are great kids very clever responsible caring and most of all happy. I met the love of my life 4 years ago we were pregnant two years later had beautiful ds and got married six months ago. I'm not saying it was a bed of roses but I chose the right path was stubborn determined and got results. You will be fine stay strong don't take any rubbish from anyone and look after yourself x

No advice - didn't want to read and run. Just wanted to wish you the best of luck!

Hi. I just wanted to show my support.
Im pg with my 6th dc. I had my first 2dc in my teens. I was a single mum for 10 years.

Its hard but its a good hard iyswim!

My Dc are 23&21 now. Im so proud of them. I wouldn't change a thing.

You sound sensible, you've already sorted your care, the most important thing at the moment for the baby.
Take it a day at a time.

Look after yourself & good luck.

Hi sounds like you are better off alone.....do u have family to help?? Once your baby is here you will forget about the idiot and concentrate on the best thing in your life.

Hi Molly... Such a tough position to be in emotionally, but I think the pregnancy and the baby when he/she comes will give you such a positive focus. A good friend of mine found out when she was about 7 months preg that her partner was having an affair (and if I could have decried any 2 people as "soulmates" it would have been them, & pregnancy was planned) and he left her... She was distraught, but she found such strength in herself, and she says her little girl (now 2) is like her best friend, who gets her through the tough times, and she's a fantastic mum! Wishing you lots of luck with everything that comes your way... Incidentally I didn't really feel pregnant til about 8 weeks, then felt very pregnant til about 15 weeks! Be kind to yourself and take thing easy where you can xx

I was in same position as you last year, 32 pregnant and alone as my sons father didn't want to know. I focussed on pregnancy but ended up having my son at 33 weeks. We didn't talk at all during my pregnancy. Since then he has stepped up and become a good father but it's early days. He has said that he wishes he had spoken to me during pregnancy and made things easier for me. He says he was angry. I will never be able to excuse his behaviour but now when I look at my son those angry feelings of mine disappear. Maybe he just needs time to get his head around it.

Really sorry to hear that your ex has put you in this position Molly.

I went for my first gp appt yesterday and he was really clear that if I don't have my booking appt details by 8 weeks then I'm to call and he'll chase it up - don't be worried about phoning to find out what's going on.

Hi Molly, I can't offer any better advice than what's already been said but I just wanted to wish you well and send you a virtual hug.

I didn't really feel pregnant till late 2nd trimester and didnt have any typical 1st trimester symptoms which worried me but I eventually realised that every pregnancy is just different. I also had some twinges and mild cramps at times.

As others have said, you sound like a sensible lady who is quite rightly now focusing on the baby. I hope that however hard it is right now, when you're a Mum with your gorgeous little one in your arms you'll see how strong this situation has made you and that it is your partner's loss.

All the best x

Hi Molly.
I don't have anything useful to add, except I'll get wishing for that lightening bolt with you, and perhaps a very unstable, heavy tree close by.

Xxx

Didn't notice I was PG until 10 weeks (long story) when the morning sickness started although I did have sore boobs at 9 weeks. I've still got sickness at 16+5 and really wish it would go away! Not everyone gets it (lucky buggers). I found the Mumsnet Pregnancy guide very reassuring, do some reading around for reassurance and so you feel prepared for what might be coming.

Take care of yourself and good luck with it all. Many of my friends are super single mums, it'll be difficult, but you'll be brilliant.
Best of luck, x