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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How and when did you tell your DC you were pregnant?

10 replies

MelvinEugenePunymeyer · 21/06/2013 09:26

I'm 9 weeks pregnant after 4.5 years of TTC. DD is 6 and I think the news will be a massive shock for her, but I also think she'll be very excited.

I'm thinking of telling people after the 12 week scan as I don't think I'll be able to hide it for longer - I'm a bit bloated already and was showing with DD by 16 weeks. I guess I will have to tell DD then too as I don't want to her hear it 2nd hand.

Another reason for wanting to tell her asap is I've had terrible morning sickness. I told DD I've got a 'poorly tummy' (this was possibly a mistake!) but this has gone on for several weeks now, and she keeps asking me if I'm going to get better with an anxious look on her little face. I think it's worrying her :(

The main reason I'm against telling her until much later is in case anything goes wrong. It is unlikely I'll ever get pregnant again if I lost this baby as we had 3 IVF attempts to conceive. I don't want to raise DD's hopes of a sibling only to have to tell her it's not going to happen after all :(

As you can see I'm really confused what to do for the best

Any advice from anyone re: telling an older child would be appreciated :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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UniMama · 21/06/2013 13:24

We have told ours already and we only found out last weekend. We discussed whether to wait and to keep it from them just encase, our two are 6 & 8. But we ended up agreeing that when I get sick (had hyperemisis with fist two) or if anything happens I will be going through something which they will need to understand. Children know when something is going on and I think sometimes we don't give them enough credit. There have been many MC lately within family members and friends so my children already know that not all pregnancies end with a baby so they are keeping the secret well.

But at the same time they are excited and now we can discuss it openly when we are at home amongst ourselves. Obviously I know many people who have been more cautious and waited until 12weeks, I am impatient hehe!

Just do what you feel is right to do, in this case I really don't think there is a right or wrong. It is all about how you and your husband feel and what you think is best.

I really hope all goes well :-)

UniMama · 21/06/2013 13:26

Oh and a HUGE congratulations on the pregnancy.

DaveMccave · 21/06/2013 13:29

My dd was 5.5 when I told her. I wanted to wait as long as possible as she has no concept of time and I thought the wait would be too confusing. But I also needed to tell other people as likewise I was suffering with sickness. I didn't want her to find out off anyone else so I told her the day of the dating scan (13 weeks). Telling her this soon has been great as its given her a lot of time to get used to the idea. I would tell your daughter after the scan, and its ok to be a realist without being morbid. I assume you've had an early scan because of the ivf? And If so have seen a heartbeat? I'm sure after all you've been through that once a heartbeat is detected already, or at your 12 week scan, then chances of miscarriage drop dramatically. So fingers crossed you're already out if the danger zone. Congratulations :)

Fairy130389 · 21/06/2013 13:32

We told DSD at about 9 weeks I think. (she is 8) I wanted to wait a bit longer but DH was so excited that he blurted it out at the dinner table! (I was most unimpressed but never mind!) We knew it would be a big shock for her as DH was a single parent until she was 5 so she was always going to find it difficult... It has given her time to get used to the idea and she is now very VERY excited... however I would say that 9 months is an obscene amount of time for a child and I think she thinks I have been pregnant forever!

Congratulations, Do whatever feels right for you and your family.

vkinski · 21/06/2013 15:21

We told DD about my pregnancy straight after our 12 week scan. We made out we had a lovely secret to tell her and that she was the first person we had told (a small white lie as I had to tell my Mum due to me fainting twice early on and her guessing!). We were really worried as DD is 8 and had expressed her joy on numerous occassions about being an only child. Needless to say, we were worried about nothing and she took the news brilliantly, we then got her to tell Grans, Aunts, Uncles etc. which she was very chuffed about. Im 20 weeks now and she mentions it every now and then but as a previous poster said, 6 months is a long, long time for an 8 year old - so we just drop it into conversation every now and then and try and make her feel a part of everything. She is such a wee gem, if baby no 2 is anything like its big sister we will be over the moon!

MrsJohnHarrison · 21/06/2013 15:28

We told DS a few days after the positive test and when I started throwing up eleventy billion times a day. He was only 2yr4m and was scared because mummy was sick. We told our parents at the same time - needed random frequent child care because of nasty sickness.
DD was due about 3 weeks after his 3rd birthday, so we could give him a time frame.

cupcake78 · 21/06/2013 16:05

I told ds when I was 12 weeks, just told him I'd been eating too much.

I'm now 39+2 and he's sick of waiting. We're having a few issues with him simply because he's been waiting for months and seen all the changes.

I'd honestly wait if you can.

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 21/06/2013 16:11

Congrats OP. What a wonderful thing after such a long time and the emotional rollcoaster of ivf.

We told DS (4.5 at the time) after the 12 week scan. I felt anxious about raising his hopes in case something happens. However I also felt the same as other posters - I wanted him to hear it from us (DFIL isn't very discrete) and also to realise why mummy wasn't feeling great.

This pregnancy has felt like forever to me, so I do wonder what it has felt like to him. But I know years ago 'the done' thing was to just drop the news on the sibling just before the birth and I think our way has been better as he has time to get used to the idea.

He is younger than your DD but we have found books and talking about how he can help with the baby seemed to have made him feel included. But we shall see - if she ever arrives (4 days over).

Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Original poster

MelvinEugenePunymeyer · 21/06/2013 18:11

Thanks for the congratulations :)

Dave yes I've had 2 scans already and baby is fine - heartbeat and right size for dates. I'm still over-anxious though, but I think this is to be expected given the circumstances.

I think I will tell DD after 12 week scan if all is well then. Can anyone recommend a book about becoming an older sibling? I think she will be excited but I'm also aware that it will be a massive change for her as she's been an only for so long - so will be good to prepare her as much as possible.

OP posts:

DaveMccave · 21/06/2013 23:18

Haven't got a favourite book to recommend... She likes the sears books on preparing for baby. One tip I did get was be careful of overly negative books. Loads of them stress how they will be left out because mummy and daddy will be soooo busy.. Etc. whilst I can see the point of preparing them, I don't think this is the best way of doing it tbh. I've shelved a couple of books people have given me that just shows the older sibling being ignored by relatives and throwing a huge tantrum. I think these books would be better if that's how things pan out, as a way of discussing it, but not as preparation. I don't want to be all doom and gloom and worry her.

Another tip I got is to refer to it as 'our' baby not the baby or just your brother/sister.

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