Support from parents

[Queazy]

I don't have a close relationship with my parents. I saw them at 13 weeks pregnant, but haven't seen them since and now 30 weeks pregnant. My mum said she'd call the weekend after my 20 week scan but just sent a text instead. I shouldn't be surprised as she was pretty disinterested when I got married a year or two ago. I know it sounds odd but I don't really want a close relationship with them anymore, but it does hurt that I just get update texts on their latest break away and 'hope you're keeping well' texts. I hoped they'd be less emotionally lacking as grandparents than as parents but seems unlikely. I've got to admit I'm getting a bit green-eyed about another pregnant friends close relationship with her mum. I've tried the 'heart to heart' approach before and my mum suggested we have weekly emails to stay more in touch with each others lives. It wasn't really what I was looking for. Has anyone else found themselves longing for different/more support from their parents during and after pregnancy?

This isn't supposed to be a whinge. I do feel really lucky to have got to 30 weeks pregnant and have my dh.

Xx

I'm not exactly in the same situation as you, but finding it hard with distant parents at the moment. My parents are cycling around the USA for a year April 2013-April 2014. So missing pregnancy and baby (due 5th Dec). Although they didn't know I would be pregnant when they were planning their trip, it's still awkward. I thought we would skype/email all the time but I get rare messages from them. It's not that they don't care but I'm feeling more and more distanced from them, it's sad. I hope your parents buck up when baby arrives. Luckily for me DH's mum is great. What are your in-laws like?

Thank you - it sounds like its difficult for you too. My dh's dad is local(ish) but a bit distant and his mum died 10 years ago. I feel bad for DH that my parents are together and well but still just so emotionally detached. It'll be nice to meet more people through NCT, as conscious I'm feeling a bit needy at the moment. I have lovely friends but its nice to be able to share pregnancy/baby stuff with someone.

Lots of luck for December - hope you're having a good pregnancy x

Thank you - it sounds like its difficult for you too. My dh's dad is local(ish) but a bit distant and his mum died 10 years ago. I feel bad for DH that my parents are together and well but still just so emotionally detached. It'll be nice to meet more people through NCT, as conscious I'm feeling a bit needy at the moment. I have lovely friends but its nice to be able to share pregnancy/baby stuff with someone.

Lots of luck for December - hope you're having a good pregnancy x

i can identify, there's only my dad and he's interested but very distant. just need to try and rally my friends togehter. our baby will have a lot of surrogate 'aunties' and 'uncles' xxxxx

It wasn't an easy journey to take, but I found I got a lot of peace from accepting my mother was never going to be one of those 'interested in their children' type mothers.
It's different for everyone, so just a thought.

I'm in. V similar situation and due in early November

My parents are in their 80's and not interested in more grandchildren. They seem to have got a v selfish attitude and think the world revolves around them.

I sometimes get a little green eyed at friends who have mothers or even mil's who are interested, buy them wee things etc but I'm just trying accept that's the way it is and I can't change it.

Still hurts tho even tho my DP and his dad are amazing

Queazy my heart goes out to you. I have the slightly opposite situation. I lost my mum 15 yrs ago, my dad remarried a couple of years later and they live in mainland Europe. They never took much interest in what I do or have achieved, not have anything in common with them really. They feel my DH is too English and reserved and they say they like their independence from family ties. We have struggled with infertility and loss for a number of years and during this time I just got a few texts or phone calls per year. We live in London now and they have never been to our house despite my dad having to travel here for work. We sometimes meet in a cafe or we see them when we visit the rest of the family abroad.

I am now 29 wks pg with twins and my dad has become a minor celebrity back home. He calls every two weeks to asks how I am and has suddenly become a 'person that cares'. I am just playing it by ear as I know he will become bored by it all eventually. It was not until I did something that everyone at home could associate with (produce children) that my family started noticing me.

My advice is to build the support network that you feel you need and that will appreciate and love you, your DH and your baby for who you are. Don't right off our parents but at the same time don't expend energy trying to design a happy family unit based on them and then be woefully disappointed. I know about the green eyed monster all too well.