MIL Communication

[ilovemulberry]

We told our families we were expecting our first child mid march, Since then my MIL has been to see me once and another time I have had to go to her house to see visiting relatives. Other than this, I have received no communication from her, not even a text asking how everything is going (she lives 5 mins away and works p/t hours)

Don't get me wrong, I actually don't mind it, she isn't the most maternal person in the word- My husband agrees. She is very opinionated and disagrees with everything I say, not in an argumentative way but I can tell she would laugh off my opinions to others when I leave. I.E- me mentioning I'm going to buy baby essentials from a decent department store so they wash well and I can keep for next one- this was then bought up by another of his family members insinuating they had discussed my 'snobby' attitude!!

My friend will be throwing me a 'suprise' baby shower and asked if she should invite her, obviously I said yes (my mother isnt really a fan of her opinions either and my friends are a lot more gutsy than me, so good luck to her if she starts bringing her opinions up in front of them) I do think it would be rather cheeky of her to come along, if she hasn't bothered contacting me before then- I am making a point not to make the effort.

What do you think? I am overreacting, should MIL drop the occasional text to see how things are progressing? Or am I just sensative?

Oop cross posted sorry

But I stand by what I said that as I was never much in contact with SIL anyway, I don't want to now be contacting her all the time asking about the baby - I kinda feel like I'd be disrespecting her IYSWIM? Like I'm only interested in her womb!

Having said that, we have had some lovely chats recently about being pregnant/babies etc. all purely cos I rang and DB was out. Before SIl was pregnant we'd chat for a couple of minutes and thats it, now we have a nice topic to talk about!

I totally understand that. I would feel invaded if she were constantly asking considering we aren't that close. Glad you have a good relationship now

I think you just dislike her so much and this is another thing to be annoyed about. believe me, if she was all over you, you would hate it even more.

Oh I know how you feel.

My in-laws have shown a total lack of interest in my pregnancy and I've gone from sad and hurt to angry. Would sending a text every so often to ask how we are be that difficult?!!

I find it astonishing that they are so uninterested in their unborn grandson/nephew.

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare, though. Do you think she would want to come to the shower, be sociable and chatty/polite, etc?

Lauracutee I don't think it's her type of thing to be honest. MIL ay, can't believe I'm going to be one one day eek

Before I got pregnant I always assumed that my MIL would be incredibly overpowering and involved. However, she has been the exact opposite. When my dh calls her she always wants to know how I am etc and we keep them updated after scans and appointments but her having not instigated a single conversation or call did take me by surprise. I mentioned this to my dh just to see if he was surprised and he thinks that she is trying her hardest to not encroach on what is our special time and being conscious of not overstepping the mark. I'm not sure if this could be the case with yours but might be something to consider that she just doesn't know how to be and is wary so giving you space. You hear so many people complaining about MILs you could understand there being paranoia about not getting too involved!

It was the same here, MIL didn't contact me when I was pregnant to find out how it was going, occasionally she might ask DH on the phone. DH explained it as MIL not wanting to or seem overbearing but it really did come across as disinterest. I suppose it is a fine balance when it's not your child who is pregnant?

She was more interested once DD had actually arrived, although still not overly so, which surprised me as DD is her first grandchild. But she texts most weeks to find out how DD & I are now!

I have a friendly but not ott relationship with my MIL. This will be their fourth grandchild, but first for us.

Really pleased when we told them, but don't hear from her any more than I did before. Mainly because I have told her to butt out in the past over other stuff.

If there is something to tell her, I will. But I don't feel she needs to make anymore effort with me, she can ring her son if she's desperate for details IMO.

You should count yourself lucky.
My MIL has become overbearing now that I'm pregnant. Last year she blanked me on my birthday but this year she wanted to speak to me because I am expecting her GC. She also wants me and my DH to move in with her so she can 'teach me' how to look after the baby and control all my movements with the baby after its born. I used to live with PIL when I first got married we were waiting to move into our place and my SIL had moved in to get some help. MIL was very good with the baby but she openly bitched and moaned whenever my SIL visited her parents with the baby which was once a week.

I have no intention of moving in with MIL and DH has told her. But she won't give up she thinks I won't be able to cope as she believes she is the only one who knows how best to bring up children. i have already had conversations with DH about limiting her visits to us in the early days as I know if I am tired and emotional I will not be able to hold my tongue and its better that her son deal with her than me.

Oh my gosh monka that would be my idea of living hell!!! I should thank my lucky stars !!

Mine is also very uncommunicative. We get on fine in person but she just doesn't do speaking on the phone, texts or emails. Dh reckons the only phone call he had from her at uni was when his grandad died...

It upset me in my first pregnancy but as nothing has changed since dd arrived I'm now resigned to the fact i am lucky she isn't the interfering type even if it does still really annoy me that we have to make all the effort because I feel bad they have no idea what is going on in her granddaughters life otherwise

I feel for you as you probably want everyone to feel the happiness and excitement you feel about your child, however be happy it's not the other way! Maybe MIL is giving you space and feels like she doesn't want to be overbearing?

And monka I feel your pain, I really do, my MIL has said she WILL be coming to the birth of our son so we have to keep my labour top secret when it happens because my partner can't face telling her she isn't coming and she won't listen to me!

Even if I got my son a hat during this pregnancy she would have a go at me and say I'm wasting my money but then would show up with bag fulls of things for him, ruining any excitement for me wanting to buy gifts for my son.

Oh and she insists I wait on her hand and foot making tea and biscuits when she shows up at my house unnanounced and shows her friends (that I have never met) around my house and nursery while I make them all drinks IM OVERDUE!