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Trying for baby 2, i'm scared i won't cope!

22 replies

Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:14

Have one baby whose now 8mnths old and after much deliberation, other half has decided we can have another. Wants to try sooner rather than later but i'm really scared i won't cope with two so close together. Cant wait as he's 40 and thinks old already and has taken a lot of persuading to agree to a number two!

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jamiesam · 28/05/2006 21:20

I got pg with ds2 when ds1 was 13 months, so a bit older than your baby. It was hard work at first with two litte ones, but worth it - they are great mates, share the same bedroom - and bed! And I'm now on the way to squeezing out a third before I'm 40! Good luck.

compo · 28/05/2006 21:22

If you don't feel ready then you need to talk to dh and get him to slow down a bit

Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:29

I think i'm ready compo but when u know whats involved it becomes more daunting i think! no chance dh will put on hold as he does think he's ancient now bless! and to be fair think wud prefer to get cracking now so don't have to start from scratch again in couple of years time!

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Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:30

ps girls am new to mumsnet what's dh stand for an ds too ??

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Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:32

an good luck to you too jamiesam, i'm only 32 and my pelvis still protesting after number one!!

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jamiesam · 28/05/2006 21:33

ds - son, dh - husband (d = darling or somesuch nonsense!) There's an 'acronym list' at the top of the page...

I'm pretty useless and I've sort of coped. You'll be fine. Remind dh that you'll need lots of support with two so young!!!

jamiesam · 28/05/2006 21:33


morningpaper · 28/05/2006 21:35

If you are worried about coping, I would try to space things out a bit

Two together is HARD work

jamiesam · 28/05/2006 21:36

Errr... do you need to get your pelvis back into shape before you attack it again, as it were?

I had c/s with ds1, which is why I waited a year before trying for no 2, for the sake of the scar.

Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:37

yeah he's much betta now that dd (daughter?!) is able to interact more. Was pants when she just puked, cried, pooped and slept but now she can squeal at him and copy his raspberries he's capped to bits. He even does bath time and this is a man that doesn't do children!! (it doesn't come naturally is his fave saying!)

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Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:40

yep am having physio js and doing my homework (exercises!!) on a regular basis. Seems to be doing the trick i can laugh now without wetting myself - i was like that woman on little britain lol !!!

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jamiesam · 28/05/2006 21:43

eek - I had bad tear with no 2 and had problems of a - erm - different nature to you! It's not great is it? I think I'm not so good at keeping up with the exercises, although am basically ok now - but well done you (swot!)

Oofawoofa · 28/05/2006 21:48

hmm i was forceps with two hours of stitching up after so don't think being in the stirrups helped my spd much. hopefully i'll stay in one piece down there after no 2!!

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Ruthiebaby · 28/05/2006 22:40

It'll be fine. My little one is 15 mths and I'm due in less than two months time.

It is quite hard work running after him just now ... but things should be fine when the next one arrives (at least that's what Im telling myself!!)

Nemo1977 · 28/05/2006 22:42

If you dont feel ready dont do it.
However if it is just a slight panic then you will always have other things to go in the way iykwim. I have a 2.2yr gap between ds and dd and am pregnant with no.3 who will be due 2 wks after dd is one. So 3.2yr gap from start to finish

TuttiFrutti · 29/05/2006 13:43

Oofa, just because your dh is 40 doesn't mean you have to go for no 2 straight away, if you are only 32. I have one ds, 13 months, and am only now trying for no 2 because I know I coudn't have coped with a smaller age gap and I'm 38 (having said that, I'm not pregnant yet so we'll have to wait and see how it turns out!!!). I reckon 2 very close together would be TOUGH.

trinityrhino · 29/05/2006 16:17

my dh is 46 and we are expecting our third

dd1 is 6
dd2 is 13 months

We also don't think that this will be our lastGrin

really it's not a problem if your dh is coming 40 or older
I'm only 28 so that makes it easier for me

Tell him he is in no way old already
I would also think that if you do this in a rush when you don't feel ready, it may seem harder and less enjoyable.
Having said that are you a worrier anyway, do you think you would worry anyway even if you 1st was older.
I know I am worried how I will cope as dd2 may only be 19 months when no.3 comes along (don't know yet, need dating scan)

sweetkitty · 29/05/2006 17:06

Firstly Nemo didn't know you were pregnant with no3 congratulations, your DD is only a few months older then my DD2. My periods haven't returned so I won't be joining you in the 3 in 3 years club.

I have 18 months between my 2 DDs I wanted a close gap, so far it's been as hard as I expected it to be. The hardest thing is getting out with 2 of them on your own. It takes forever and you need a double buggy, you can't just pop out for a pint of milk to the corner shop anymore. I feel DD1 does suffer a bit as we can't go swimming or for a run around the park as it's too difficult with two of them but I suppose it's just a phase as once DD2 is a bit more interactive they will be great playmates. It is exhausting DD2 isn't sleeping through yet and looking after one baby seems so easy when you have a toddler too. DD1 was 9 months when I got pregnant with DD2 btw. I would say go for it it is great if knackering!

I'm waiting till DD2 is 18 months before yyc no3 though!

jabberwocky · 30/05/2006 10:21

Tell him that my dh is 57 and we are just now going for #2. That'll give him something to think about! We waited until ds was 2.5 because neither of us felt that we could cope with a closer spacing. It was a bit daunting as I am now 41 and pg with #2, so was concerned about waiting too long. Does he realize just how much work it will be and is he willing to help out a lot?

Elibean · 30/05/2006 13:49

Something about 40 that makes men panic a bit, methinks....women too, sometimes. Then it starts to seem less dramatic.
DH and I both panicked a lot at 40, because we'd been trying for ages and were still childless...finally had our first at 43. Now 46 and (amazed drumroll) expecting our second (and definitely last!) so...tell your dh he's a spring chick, and its ok to wait if you need to Smile

Oofawoofa · 30/05/2006 20:38

u are all so right and im impressed that you all seem to be popping sprogs out left right and centre regardless of age!! I am a born worrier although surprisingly didn't worry being pg first time round i loved every minute! Good point re double buggy, thinks thats what's concerning me that i'm neva gonna leave the house again with two littlies to contend with!!
Elibean yr quite right he panicked loads when 40 arrived and went out and bought two new motorbikes (on road and off road)!

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mazs81 · 30/05/2006 22:18

Im 24 and My son was about 7 months old, when i fell pregnant with my daughter, there is 16 months between them.
I honestly didnt find it much harder than having one baby to look after. my son was still a baby his self, still in nappies.
But now they are 3 and nearly 2 and they are best of friends, play together great and i wouldnt change it for the world. Well we are thinking about no 3!
There is hard moments but there is with one baby.
Go for it but only if your sure your ready

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