A little confused

[Blurry29]

I apologise in advance as I think I using this post to write down what's going on in my head and my heart. I don't know if I am using it as an anonymous sounding board or I need advice but I'm limited with who I want to talk to in rl at the mo. I also apologise in advance if this seems to go on a little.

I have not named changed but very rarely post. More of an active reader/lurker

I am 31, in a wonderful marriage and we have a fabulous 7 year old DS.

We always said years ago that we would like 2 children but over the years things changed as they do and our minds changed. Our DS was a great baby so he didn't change our minds but things with work did change and for a while we moved to a location we didn't settle in which was also hours away from our family and friends. During this time we fell pregnant and after some very in depth conversations we both agrees that for many reasons we did not want to continue with the pregnancy.
I don't want anyone reading this to think that I am trying to disrespect or taking anything for granted but I am pro choice and believe that everyone has a choice etc we made the decision together. We considered all our factors, location, money etc i was in a full time very low paid job at the time which didn't help.

Fast forward to now and we have moved much closer to home, closer to family, have a better/bigger house, I am also in better job with reasonable hours.

I found out this week that I am pregnant. This wasn't expected or planned. We are very careful when intimate but it has still happened. So this has lead to us both trying to have conversations around work and DS not figuring out what are conversations are about.

We text quite heavily yesterday, we don't normally have this type of conversation via text but it was easier than tying to ring and talk in private. DH said first thing if he was honest e didn't think he wanted another baby but understood we would need to talk and he would understand if I disagreed. I said a lot over 3 very long messages explaining how I was feeling. I said I wasn't 100% against it, I think we are In a better position, I also think about DS and I worry about him being alone with no support network etc once DH and I are gone, I also said that we would have to involve DS with telling him directly to which DH agreed.

We did talk to DS, we didn't tell him but tried to get him opinion on siblings. He was very positive about the prospect of siblings etc.

Sorry I understand I am waffling on.....

Any way we have still failed to make a decision but I fear that we are on different wave lengths. I still think deep down he wouldn't carry on with it and I think I am more for it. IYSWIM?

I think my head and my hear and saying two very very different things. I genuinely don't know how we are going to make the decision. Don't thin I've ever felt so confused and this post probably only covers a fraction of what has been said or how I am feeling.

I suppose it would be good to know if other have experienced this?

I know only myself and DH can deal with this but I suppose I just needed to write it all down as we are not telling anyone until we have decided etc.

We would not make the decision lightly and I genuinely know that people TTC for a very long time and I am genuinely not trying to make this sound ungrateful or disrespectful in anyway.

Thanks

I think you should not worry too much about what your DS would think - he will adapt to a new situation, probably the most easily of all of you!

Your DH may not be so keen, but it is ultimately your body, and only you can decide if you can keep the baby, or go through with the alternative.

I have been in a similar situation, where DH was considerably less keen than me, but I just felt that I couldn't go through with a termination. He supported my decision totally, and we are very happy now.

What do you want?

For the first time in a long time I can imagine us having another one. I do worry about work, may leave, childcare and money etc.

My head is saying you've just started work, you need to save more, you are comfortable, my head is being very practical and much more

My heart is saying: maybe this is fate, you could do this, you you budget more, I am still young and a lot more

This is when the confusion starts over and over again x

Its up to you totally. Yes there are factors but you are in a good position your ds would adore his sibling and your dh would love the child as much as you would., I am an only child and hate it.

Is it the thought of change that puts you off?

I am currently deciding on sterilisation as we have 2 and really don't want more and know an accident is out of the question.

My very personal opinion is this... I do not believe in abortion in normal circumstances I feel personally like you say many people are ttc so I believe in adoption more so. If you do decide not to continue with this pregnancy then I think you should look at sterilisation or vasectomy to avoid it happening in the future as it is 2 lives already.

I don't mean to sound horrible there I really don't. Think really hard about your reasoning.

Numpty, thanks for your message. I don't think you're being horrible, just honest and I appreciate and respect that.

I am scared of the change very much. X

Here is my VERY personal opinion.......for what it's worth!

You will not regret having this baby, but you may well regret not having it.

If you have one single doubt in your head, I wouldn't do it as you will never be able to change things after. The first time round it sounds as though you knew it was the right thing for you personally to do but this time you seem uncertain X

I think the best thing you can do is sit down with your dh, turn off the phones and talk about it, it sounds to me as though you want this baby, but are worried that your dh doesn't. Perhaps your dh is a bit wary of change? But if you don't sit down and get both of your feelings out on the table and e completely honey with eachother, you could end up making the wrong decision for fear of upsetting one another.
Hope you're okay x

Change is a very scary thing, sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't.

However, if noone faced it then we would be going extinct.

Your in a good job, your ds is old enough to understand whats happening, your dh is obviously a good father anf husband else you wouldn't be together now. So your stable

Unless your not telling us everything I don't see a reason not to have the baby,

No that's everything. I do have a fabulous son and a very very happy marriage. We have been married for over 10 years now

I think age concerns my DH as he is 40 now.

I think I am scared of change. I am worried that we wouldn't cope financially etc.

Luckily DS is having a sleepover tonight at grandparents so we have agreed to sit and talk honestly am openly about how we feel.

Thanks again x

I can understand why you made that decision years ago. I think it might have been a decision I would have made myself. However things seem very different now, you are much more stable and have more support.

Take some time this weekend to just sit down and think. Imagine both scenarios and how you will feel if they happen. Yes, change is scary but that's not automatically a bad thing.

Good luck making your decision x

I agree with lastnightidreamt. Terminations personally aren't for me how ever I still think it's every woman's individual choice. I am currently pg with an unplanned baby and am just in a new relationship this year. I was so shocked and worried I looked up info about abortion but decided against it.

What I would be concerned about is the fact that you are obviously considering having the baby. If you didn't have it, yes, you might regret it and have possible psychological damage from having the termination.

You are in a loving marriage and people always have a way of solving practicalities. I have an older DD too and understand what you say about your DS being on his own when you are not around. It's something I have worried about, so maybe this unplanned pregnancy is a blessing in disguise for you and him. As for being old, my dad and his wife at 65 are foster carers. I think 40 is still young enough to make a fab parent.

We had a fabulous talk last night. Open and honest as possible

We both said our fears with the situation but also what we think would be brilliant

Our main topic was financial. Which I can completely understand. We do need to look at where we could be better with our money but we can be very thrifty when we want to be. We are concerned at full time childcare costs.

Another concern was that I have only recently joined my new job so would I be putting that security at risk but we did some research and according to direct gov because of my due date and web I started my job I think I will be ok.

Our "pro" list was far bigger than our "con" I know that sounds quite mechanical but that was the way to try and get our feelings across.

We have agreed to continue with things but sacrifices must be made from both sides with regards to preparing for the new one.

I am tremendously lucky that I have this support and know DS would be an amazing big brother

Many thanks again for your words and allowing me to thrash out my feelings on here x

So pleased or you. Good luck and congratulations :) x

That's brilliant. And so, at last, I can say congratulations!!

In that case, congratulations :-)

Even before I finished reading the thread and your final decision, I was going to say that you should follow your heart with this because, as others have said, the fact that you had doubts about not continuing with the pregnancy means that you would probably have regretted not having the baby in the future.

Good luck, enjoy being blessed by this unexpected twist of fate and congratulations again x

Congratulations - enjoy your pregnancy and new addition to the family x