How do you know what to do with the baby?

[ComtessedeFrouFrou]

So I've started to think about what will happen after the baby is born. I'm not sure I had really connected the pregnancy bit with the fact that we will have a baby at the end of it

How do you know what to do with the baby? We've signed up for NCT antenatal classes, but those seem to focus on the birth, rather than what the hell you do with the baby when you bring it home.

Should I get a book? Read something else? Sign up for a different sort of course?

Agree with all of the above, i just wanted to say you will get an insupressible (sp) feeling of sheer pride the first few times you recognise your babies specific cry they tend to have girny cry for no reason, hungry cry, dirty bum cry, cuddle me i'm scared and alone cry (usually when they can't see you're inches behind them) and i still get wee rushes thinking how great it was to say to people 'no no he's fine just needs a bum change' after a wee whinge from ds :)

I worried about the same thing. I had never held a newborn till I had one and had never even seen a nappy being changed. I had to change DS's nappy - with the first poo in, which is very sticky like tar - with the paediatrician standing behind me watching waiting to check him I made a right hash of it.

The thing is, you're doing what I did, which is worry about everyhing at once. In reality you get one problem at a time.
So you put the baby in a vest and babygro and cardy and an hour later feel its chest and it is too hot - take cardy off.
Tomorrow you know you probably won't need one. Bath time is stressful but once you've done it for a week you know how to and can move on to the next problem!

Each time you ask someone, or mN, or just figure it out through trial and error. The next problem then comes along, but each time you get a bit more confident.

I promise, it will be ok :)

Trust your instincts;
Don't compare your baby to other babies;
Most baby books contradict each other, don't worry;
You don't need to dress him/her in anything but babygrows for the first three months;
No one really knows what they're doing, but most people muddle through it;
Buy a decent maternity bra once your milk comes in;
And- enjoy it- it really doesn't last long and before you know it they're running away from you and/or tugging your leg every ten seconds..

Good luck and congratulations :)

You don't need to do much. Feed, change, sit around cuddling.

Bit harder with subsequent kids as you have to juggle them as well, but the first is easy as your attention isn't being dragged all over the place (so you're not having to feel while cooking dinner shouting at older siblings)

i spent this weekend thinking same thing!! so far ive read gina fords book and jo frosts book. both had lots of tips and ideas which i think would be useful, obv every baby is different and it will be trial and error as to what you find suits your baby.

OP all you need to remember is that babies have always been around,we have instincts inside us to tell us what to do with them.if they are hungry,feed them,if they smell,they need changing,if they dont want to be put down,hold them,its really not as hard as everyone makes out,if it was meant to be difficult then we would of stopped bothering long ago and would be extinct.

also i would advise against any baby books,just do what comes naturally.

I second Thurlow recommendation of Lucy Atkins' First Time Parent book. It's not huge but covers all the basics for taking care of a new baby without any of the politics: how to feed baby, how to wash baby, checklists of things you need; how to entertain baby, etc

I personally like the What To Expect books but they cover a massive amount and so tend to weigh a tonne

This said, I agree that you might find all these things come instinctively and to an extent they really do. If you feel confident then you absolutely don't need to get a book. I wouldn't 'advise' against it though. For me, I liked the relative safety of being able to 'check' that my instincts were right, or that at least I wasn't doing something mental in my sleep-deprived state.

Thanks for your comments.

To be clear, I'm not looking for instruction manuals or magic sleep solutions, since clearly those font exist. However, I would like to be in a position to have a handle on the less equivocal how many layers to put on, how to tell if the baby is too hot, how often to change the nappy type stuff. That's the stuff that isn't instinctive and will (hopefully) help me to rule that kind of stuff out more easily when the baby is screaming at 3 am...

The Lucy Atkins sounds like it will be ideal for that kind of stuff.

The only book I liked was Jo Frost's confident baby care. It's short, no nonsense, only deals with the basics. I really liked it.

Comtess, I felt exactly like you and always said the only thing I knew about babies was which end was which. As it turned out mine arrived very early and very sick and changing a nappy involved getting your hands into an incubator and negotiating endless tubes and wires - somehow you do just manage. It doesn't necessarily all come naturally, but do remember that very, very quickly you become the expert about your baby and you genuinely do know best about almost everything - however unlikely that may sound!

Very good thinking. I was fooled by the NCT classes into mainly worrying about the birth.

You ask people, you panic, you worry and finally you make it up :).

The first 8 weeks are basically about surviving: try and stop baby shouting with a combo of feeding, sleeping and changing; and try to do a bit of eating/sleeping/changing yourself. You might not have time/inclination for the latter, but it's slightly frowned upon not to do the former.

When you ask the official experts (doctor, health visitors, midwives, baby book authors), and everyone else, they don't really know either. I got a load of extremely conflicting information, which was really hard when faced with very shouty baby.

Eventually I figured out that it was down to me to basically experiment with what worked, then stick with that until it stopped working, rather than trying to figure out the "official" advice, or what worked for other babies (since every little blighter seems to have their own quirks, c.f. oh, you know, everyone else).

Good luck :). Oh, and try and press gang everyone you know into helping out. Even if it's coming round and doing your washing up :).

And if you're breastfeeding, drink a shitload of water. You don't want your arse to seize up on top of all the other crap, believe me.

That's the one, bigkid, I always call it the Supernanny book but it's not actually called that It does contain some routine, but the rest of the book is very useful how to guides, and it has a good health/illness section. I do remember liking the book a lot as it was the only one I had read which calmly said if your baby has been crying for two hours and you feel like you are going insane, it is fine to put the baby in its cot stand in the back garden for a few minutes where you can't hear. No one likes to imagine they will ever reach that point but I think most parents do at least once, and I liked the fact Jo Frost dealt with it very matter of factly and reassures you that leaving your baby to cry alone for a few minutes so that you can calm down is ok.

you don't!

I read loads of stuff on pregnancy and birth and forgot all about when the baby is actually here!

I brought him home from the hospital, looked at him and thought oh SHIT. What the hell am I supposed to do now.

But it's really not that hard. Feed em, change em, burp em. (don't do what I did an leave him for hours that first day cos you didn't know that babies wee CONSTANTLY! )

and somehow you muddle through. Instincts kick in and you find your way.

And it is amazing how much doesn't even matter! bit of sick on his clothes - doesn't matter. You not getting dressed - doesn't matter. Housework not done - REALLY doesn't matter!

You'll be fine.

Wish I had the Jo Frost book as I got to that point Thurlow!!

Think dd was about 8 weeks and I had a day where she cried all day nothing helped and eventually I had to put her in her cot and walk away for a few mins to stop myself going insane.

It's great advice, and something I really think all new mums need to know. It's very, very normal to be tired and hungry and stressed and to feel as though you are losing your marbles because nothing you do is making things better, and a few minutes of the baby crying alone while you clear your head is far preferable. And I think if parents are encouraged to talk about this more openly, it would be easier to spot when this is happening regularly and they could do with some extra support.

Agreed

Much better to put baby somewhere safe and contained and go and have a few mins to clear your mind and regain composure than to end up potentially loosing it with a baby.

OP a good tip I used was to be prepared for bum changes so get yourself two little baskets, one for the bedroom and one for the lounge and each evening make sure they are stocked with a few nappies, a pack of wioes, a muslin or two and a spare vest and sleepsuit. Plus a dummy if you will be using them, much much easier than having to grab everything each change or, worse still, having to lug baby around the house to the changing table. I also had a folded up hand towel with the bedroom box and would lay that on the bed amd change baby on it, thus removing the need for me to even get out of the bed

I just muddled along with mine
I still do

contessa,course knowing when the babies nappy needs changning is instinctive!if its wet or smelly,you will know!

also,dont assume your baby will be screaming for hours on end,noneof mine have EVER done that,i dont know where that "babies scream for hours at 3am" thing comes from?