Not sure if I should post this in relationships or here but here goes...
I'm almost 12 weeks pg and my OH and I are going through a really horrible patch in our relationship. I'm at the end of my tether, feel like I'm really losing it.
I feel like he's been really unsupportive and unkind since we found out. We've been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. We were ttc for 8 months or so which put a lot of pressure on us (along with him being out of work and other stuff). We weren't getting on so decided to give ttc a break, naturally enough we got pg straight away then!
From the start when I told him he was really distant and for a few weeks there he'd only come over once a week. I kept saying I wanted to see him more, that I felt lonely, vulnerable and scared and he just kept saying "that's how it is". He'd just started working then and he has a much easier commute if he's at his so I accepted that. Eventually though I'd had enough and after a huge row when I eventually lost it totally and ended it and threatened to have an abortion (I know I shouldn't have done that), he admitted that he'd been doing it because he was hurt about the fact that I'd ended it before (during our rough patch). I pointed out that him staying away like that just hurt me and our relationship and was totally counter productive. He acknowledged that and I thought we were making progress.
we started seeing more of each other, started dtd again which had been absent a lot of the time and things seemed to be getting better. Until this weekend. He was off work last week so stayed at mine all week. He helped around the house with some stuff but in fairness he spent a lot of the time just playing Playstation and watching TV. It really pissed me off that I'd come home from a very long day at work to find him sat in front of the telly playing those stupid fucking games and having said he was going to cook tea, finding out that he hadn't started it and so not eating until after 9pm. I'm sure I don't need to tell all you pg ladies how annoying that was! I've always suffered from hanger, doubly so now in pg. So he decided that because he'd done a bit around the house during the week (on his week off) and that I'd asked to have the telly for a couple of hours one night because he'd hogged it the night before to watch football, that he wasn't going to lift a finger to help with anything all weekend. So I spent literally ALL weekend cleaning, gardening and doing diy etc while he sat on his arse watching me. I was totally exhausted and fucked my back but he didn't care because according to him he'd done his share and it's my house anyway so why should he do more? Eventually I lost my temper yesterday and told him how pissed off I was about it. He got in a mood and went home, even though my parents were expecting us for dinner, leaving me to explain to them.
God, this all sounds really petty. Argh. Anyway, we've been arguing ever since and what I've realised is that I feel really unusupported by him in lots of ways. And that feeling, along with my crazy hormones, is making me crazy angry and emotional and upset all the time. Which doesn't help. I feel like once we got pg, we should have just drawn a line under what happened in the past during our rough patch and started afresh. But that didn't happen and I feel really resentful for that time that he deliberately stayed away in those first few weeks to punish me.
I also feel resentful about the fact that he hasn't stopped smoking. I stopped and it wasn't easy. Being around him still smoking made it even harder and I'm ashamed to admit that I have fallen off the wagon a bit recently. I'm resentful of the fact that he sits in and gets pissed most weekends and I'm just supposed to sit there watching him and somehow enjoying it. I've asked him to give up booze just for one week so he knows how I feel and to show a bit of solidarity. He said he'll never know how I feel so what's the point. I'm not a massive drinker but I do like a drink at weekends and I miss it. He doesn't seem to empathise with how hard it is at all.
I'm resentful of the fact that he doesn't do more around the home, especially now I'm pg and get tired more. I know it's my house for now but he stays with me all the time and has done since we started going out and has never contributed any board and rarely towards groceries. I personally think that if you stay with someone a lot it's only polite to help out and not keep track of how much you've done. Also it'll be our house (assuming we make it through all this) so being so ungenerous with his time seems really petty and unkind to me. We've argued about this a lot in the past and I've asked him to help out more, particularly when he's not working and I am because he can but I guess he hasn't taken it on board.
I'm resentful of the fact that he refuses to talk about my fears about the pregnancy. The 12 week scan is this week and he just completely stonewalls any discussion about whether the baby's going to be ok, mcs etc. He says I'm just being negative and that thinking like that makes it more likely to happen which really hurts my feelings and contributes to the "I'm going crazy" feelings. So I'm left alone with, what I gather from here, are totally normal fears that most mums have. I'm 35, it's my first pg, I've smoked (a bit, please don't judge me) and had a LOT of stress and upset throughout. it's only natural that I worry and if something is wrong at the scan this week, I don't know what we're going to do because we haven't talked about it.
God, this is such a long ranty post (I could have said a lot more besides!), I hope you don't all think I'm mental too! I think I sound really bitter and resentful and I'm not normally like this. I've always been quite feisty and passionate but I just can't seem to control my anger these days and handle this situation better. I know it's partly my hormones which are making it harder for me to see clearly and deal with things more calmly but I also know he is being an inconsiderate arsehole. I've said and done some stupid things in the past few weeks which I know I wouldn't have done if it weren't for the hormones.
I basically said all of the above earlier to him today (by text, not good I know but there it is) and all he could say was that I've broken it off with him before so that's that. I don't know what I'm looking for here. A sympathetic ear I suppose, some advice, someone to tell me I'm not crazy. Do the hormones get better? I'm scared to talk to my gp or midwife, I don't want them to judge me or medicate me. I don't want it going on my notes that I'm mental.