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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What to do with DS1 when I go into labour

18 replies

ineedduckie · 31/05/2013 17:01

Hi ladies
This has worried me since even before I got pg!
We have no family other than BIL who is great with DS but works full time. If I go into labour at a weekend it won't be an issue but obv I can't plan that! Also, BIL lives 45 minutes away, what do we do if I go into labour in the middle of the night? Do we get DS out of bed or ask BIL to come over? And what will he do if he has work the next day?
I have a friend close by but again, she works FT. Other friends are nowhere near home or hospital. Hospital is an hour away btw...
I'm really panicking about this (only 24 weeks!). Any experiences/advice?

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TinkyPeet · 31/05/2013 17:04

Can you ask your mum to come and stay for a while when you are at back end? And in emergency perhaps your BIL or friend can give their work a heads up?

Original poster

ineedduckie · 31/05/2013 17:10

Hi tinky
Asking my mum would be a very last resort because a-she lives abroad and can't actually afford to travel here and b-she doesn't speak English so I wouldn't feel confident leaving her and DS alone in case of an emergency...
BIL is a labourer with very inflexible employers, I guess my friend could, but I feel it's a lot to ask from someone who isn't family...

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TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/05/2013 17:10

I would suggest your BIL or friend take an unexpected day off work if needs be. Hopefully baby won't come too quickly that you can't give some notice. Agree about them giving their works some heads up of the situation.

I know someone whose DH had to stay with firstborn while she gave birth as they had no friends or family nearby.

Can you also look at overnight childcare. Some of our local childminders offer an overnight babysitting service. But sure you would feel better having BIL or friend on hand.

badguider · 31/05/2013 17:12

How old is your DS? When my little brother was born I went on a sleep over with one of my friends (my mum had obviously planned it but I don't remember it as being any more than a treat for me).

Original poster

ineedduckie · 31/05/2013 17:17

DS will be 3.5

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MissHC · 31/05/2013 17:26

Maybe neighbours? Depression how well you know them of course

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 31/05/2013 17:30

When my DD was born DH stayed with DS (the first child and then aged 2) as the family all live 250 miles away. We had decided this way before she was born. The hosptial let DH and DS visit outside visiting hours.

I think it IS too much to ask someone to take a day off work who is not your family.

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 31/05/2013 17:37

Is a home birth not an option for you? Or can you ask a friend to help out until the bil gets there, then he can do overnight?

Original poster

ineedduckie · 31/05/2013 17:43

amother I hope you don't mind me asking, did you give birth on your own (bar hospital staff)? How did you feel about it? This is something I have considered, or at least for a few hours until I know DS is happy somewhere.
I don't like to ask for help, so really reluctant to ask too much of friends/BIL.
A home birth scares the shit out of me to be frank, I think I'd panic!

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EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 31/05/2013 17:47

No to home birth then, does he go to pre school?? Maybe he could stay with a friend until bil can get to him?

Original poster

ineedduckie · 31/05/2013 17:50

By then he'll only be at preschool 9-12 so not much help.... Think my only solution is to cross my legs until we get to weekend, right

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RunnerHasbeen · 31/05/2013 17:53

I'd be sad if a friend had a baby on her own because she didn't feel she could ask me for help, even someone I didn't know brilliantly. Do you know anyone else due to have a baby in a similar position? You could strike up a conversation about it and maybe have a reciprocal arrangement?

4x4 · 31/05/2013 17:53

My DH only saw my 1st born as was watching DS1 when the 2nd came and both when my twins were born.
I'd the advantage of schedule as all were CS but actually found it easier to go in alone . He wasn't looking looking perky first time and I worried about HIM !

Actually by law men aren't permitted in deliveries in the public hospitals in Qatar where we now live and not for CS in the
private ones either.

bonzo77 · 31/05/2013 17:59

Leave him with DH and employ a doula or have someone else be your birth partner?

WeAreEternal · 31/05/2013 18:07

DP works away and I had to give birth to DS alone.
We did plan on having a second child when DS was 2/3. At the time we lives hundreds of miles away from family and friends and there was no assurance that DP would be home for the birth so I had the same dilemma as you.
I didn't really know anyone well enough to just leave DS with them for god knows how long, and I I don't think I would have been happy to go into hospital worrying about DS.

I figured out that my only options were to either have a home birth or take DS to hospital with me.
I called the local maternity ward and enquired about the latter and was told that as long as the child is not causing havoc it would be fine, however if they are under 5 they do like you to have another adult to supervise them. They said it wasn't common but quite a few times they have had the parents bring another child who dad supervised and entertained while mum gave birth.
Obviously though you have to weigh up how traumatic it may be for your DC to see you in pain.

You should call your hospital and ask.

quertas · 31/05/2013 20:30

We have a childminder who is DDs babysitter, and we've been working up to her taking DD- taking her over for a day etc, and having her come and pick DD up so she's used to being collected as well. If it goes overnight then the CM is willing to have DD sleep over but we can't practice run that unfortunately. I've packed DD an overnight bag and its sat next to my labour bag. It's not ideal but as we're trying for a home birth and DD would really not cope with seeing me in pain - let alone how she'd deal if I was blue lighted off- its the best idea we've got. Massive sympathies here its so difficult!

rosiedays · 31/05/2013 20:54

Hi Op. I gave birth with just hospital staff present twice. Tbh it was okay. I could focus totally on me and baby. Having partner with you is fairly new thing and as pp said still really not done everywhere. If you would be calmest with ds with dh it could be worth thinking about

Original poster

ineedduckie · 01/06/2013 08:20

Thank you so much for all your replies. Lots to think about.
I think being alone in the delivery room might help me focus, I wasn't the calmest last time round. And if I worry about DS it'll be worse. I'm coming round to the idea!

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