I really need some advice on pregnancy.

[Hansiepan]

Hi everyone,

I discovered around two weeks ago that I was pregnant.

I'm twenty-one years old and live with my boyfriend. Things are a bit tight, as our jobs are both on the low side when it comes to income.

I really need some advice because this baby was totally unexpected and I do suffer with some weird things which I'm sure most of you can laugh at! One of them is, I can't drive and the idea of walking around heavily pregnant would make me feel dead embarrassed for some reason?

I'm not sure whether this is to do with the changing of hormones, but I am quite an insecure person and I'm also wondering whether this has anything to do with it.

I think I'm scared about people judging me or being stared at. I know it's a natural thing but it does worry me. I also suffer from morning sickness which is starting to become a bit too much for me at times. I'm struggling to get buses back home from work and I'm worried about whether I'll lose my job if I ever need the time off, etc. I just know that if I lose my end of mine and my boyfriend's rent, we'll be dragged under and in a lot of trouble.

I feel so bad because I was looking into abortion but the more I think about it, the more it upsets me. My boyfriend doesn't feel like he's ready and I'm paranoid that he will leave me. I just wish I had thought things through instead of putting myself into an awkward situation in which I'm really struggling with.

I'd talk more but I'm rather tired/down, etc. I'm sorry about this depressing post! :(

Sorry you are feeling so down. I'm sure some of it is the shock and all the extra hormones in your system, once you're a bit more used to it things might seem easier.

Firstly, don't worry about not driving. I don't drive either and I'm 30 weeks pregnant now and it hasn't been a problem at all. I get buses or walk everywhere and if we really need a car we borrow one and just pay a little money to get insured.

Secondly, you won't lose your j

Oops... You won't lose your job due to sickness. You're legally entitled to take a certain number of sick days and even if you have to get signed off by a doctor, illness is not a reason to fire someone. I found that telling my boss I was pregnant gave me a certain level of immunity, they have to be so careful with pregnant employees that you're not being put at risk or discriminated against. The worst they can do is force your maternity leave but not for ages yet. And the sickness will pass, eventually.

As for your low incomes, I have a pretty low income too but was able to work extra hours to increase the amount of maternity pay I'm entitled to, if you're on shift work you could do this too. You're also entitled to child benefit (everyone is) and working tax credits.

I can't adv

Dammit! Sorry,

... Can't advise on your relationship except to say in my experience men take much longer to get used to the idea, particularly before a bump or scan picture is visible. I hope it all works out for you.

Good luck and chin up!

I had an unplanned pregnancy, living in London without driving, and suffering horrible morning sickness. You have my sympathy.

At the moment you are awash with hormones and it can make it very difficult to put things in perspective and to think calmly and rationally about anything.

A few things that might help...

Walking around with a bump is fine. You tend to get a seat on public transport easily, and all that walking is fantastic in late pregnancy for you and the baby.

Morning sickness normally passes. If you are suffering all day every day at the moment and you feel you aren't eating and especially drinking much, you can see your doctor as there is medication you can take if you are happy to do that. Eating a tiny bit often will help too. You can get signed off work by your GP if you want to. It might help to tell your work that you are pregnant even though it is early, as pregnancy related sick leave is treated very differently from normal sick leave.

It might help if you can make an appointment with a professional to talk about your options? I doctor, nurse, or even somewhere like Marie Stopes where you can talk through how you are feeling. You sound as if you are instinctively against having a termination, so don't feel pressured in to it by external worries. Though if you do decide to terminate that's also absolutely fine. Just please don't feel rushed and talk to someone about what is the right decision for you.

Hey - sorry to hear you are upset. Not sure about hormones or whether pregnancy increases insecurity, but as for the practical bits:

• walking is not a problem. We don't have a car either, I'm 38 weeks and still don't feel the need for a car. In fact, I get quite uncomfortable sitting in the same position for long periods of time.
• work should give you time off for any antenatal care you require, it's a legal obligation on their part and you can't be discriminated against.
• people will stare at you, but not necessarily because they are judging you. I was walking around the South Bank in London the other day (I don't live there) and everyone, everyone was looking at me! I think people are curious. People could judge you for this but they could judge you for any number of other things too.
• abortions: I had one when I was 24 yrs old, it was the right decision for me at the time and I was able to get over it. I got pregnant immediately last year when I started trying. But it has to be the right decision for you, otherwise you are likely to have a really hard time.
• your boyfriend may just feel shell shocked by what has happened, it sounds like you are too! My husband was shell shocked when we got a positive and we are over 30, married and we were trying to get pregnant!
• you should try and talk to your bf about it, you both got yourself here, so it's both your responsibility. Though - I think - as it's your body you get more say, whether to keep it or not. Hopefully he will support you through whatever you decide, he should.
• There are plenty of places you can go to get support. Is there a Brook in your area? They are amazing and offer totally confidential support and advice. Just make sure you go somewhere they give impartial advice (some places don't).

I hope things work out for you. Either way I'm sure others will be along to tell you that things will work out in time.

All the best