Before I get a flaming, I have been on the pill for ten years and never once has it failed me before. For some reason it has this time, taking it properly etc etc.
I've been seeing my boyfriend since January 2013. So about 5 months. All going great although he's just starting up his own business so unfortunately on Saturday night he ended the relationship. He said he didn't have time for a girlfriend and ultimately he needed to get his business up and running. I was heartbroken, had fallen in love with him all the usual stuff.
I then realised on Monday my period was late. Put it down to stress as I sometimes can be a day or two late. I went to stay at my bosses house (I'm a nanny) on Monday night as I was upset and she is lovely! I ended up telling her everything over rather a lot of wine. She went out and got me a pregnancy test which I did on Tuesday afternoon with her there to support me. And, it was positive.
She suggested not telling my ex until I'd decided what I wanted to do, but I felt that was unfair. It's as much his baby as it is mine although I will be the one going through it all. I text him today and told him to ring me when he'd finished working. He rang me around 7pm and I just blurted it out. Didn't know how to tell him as he'd previously said he didn't want children. He was very quiet (unusual for him) and basically said he didn't want to force me into a decision, it was my decision and he didn't want to tell me what to do. I could tell by his voice he was gutted. So he left it at that he was going to call me in a couple of days when he'd got his head around it. I said time wasn't on my side and he needed to support me.
He then rang me again half an hour later and asked what I wanted to do, what I was leaning more towards, I said I hadn't decided either way. I had a previous abortion when I was 16 which unfortunately was done at 16 weeks and was not a pleasant experience, def not something I'd ever thought I'd be considering repeating. He said he would ring me in the morning when he'd had the night to sleep on it. Fair enough.
I have no idea what I want to do. I don't want a termination. But I don't really want a baby either. My job wouldn't be around after I'd had a baby (children are too old for a nanny now really I've just been kept on as I'm part of the family really) and I would for the most part be a single parent as I'm assuming he won't want much if anything to do with it. My parents would fully support me. I'd be very tight financially and I don't really want to be a 26year old single parent. I don't know what to do I am so scared right now and I have given myself until Monday to make a decision.
Not really sure what I want back from this post. I feel slightly better just having written it all down. Don't feel you have to reply and I'm sorry if I upset anybody as I know there are people on these boards who wait years to conceive. This ultimately has just been an accident and I have a big decision to make.