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PIL - want to come over for 2 weeks from due date!

26 replies

islingtongirl · 29/05/2013 18:56

Age old problem but getting a bit stressed....PIL live overseas and obvs excited about arrival of Baby mid August... But OH has told me they have booked off 2 weeks to come over from my due date...they are keen not to "miss" baby and also obsessed with coinciding it with a bank hols weekend in their country...

But what if baby is 2 weeks late? Then I have to sit around with them all day every day waiting and when she comes they will have to leave anyway...his MIL will drive me mad and also they don't get to see baby much. And if she comes on time or early then they will be there from the beginning ALL THE TIME while I am trying to get to grips with being a new mum Confused (first baby), I'm just dreading it. I have expressed my concerns to OH, who understands, apparently, but keeps saying how they are just excited and want to see the baby. They have booked flights already! I just feel so out of control Hmm, i don't want to offend/annoy them but even my own parents who live in the UK aren't going to come and visit until Im ready. At experience/suggestions!?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Ilovestackingcups · 03/06/2013 14:15

I used to get my own DMum to talk to MIL, saying things like 'We are so excited about the birth, but we'll only go and see the baby when we are invited.' and 'don't you remember how hard it was having to entertain family whilst juggling with a newborn?' It didn't stop them entirely (both DParents and PILs live a five minute drive away from us so no escape) but I think it calmed them down a bit.

DP's role is to support you in this whilst you support your baby. Get him to be your gatekeeper. If they turn up and it's not suitable, he can answer the door and tell them whatever he wants until they get the message and stop coming round uninvited. If you're there on your own and they try it, don't let them in, and get DP to talk to them about why you were hiding behind the nets didn't answer the door.

If they aren't going to realise what a nuisance they will be on their own, they may have to have it spelt out to them. They will be cross now, but as soon as they hold their first grandchild for the first time (whenever that is) they will forget they ever were. You, on the other hand, as other posters have said, will resent them for years if they take this special time away from you. I do. I am still rebuilding my relationship with PILs following what for me ended up being a very traumatic post-birth experience which they did nothing to ameliorate.

You could also get DP to remind them that a newborn does nothing but sleep, poo, feed, cry, sometimes all at once, and that they might have a better bonding experience with it if they wait until it is a few weeks old. How can they expect to be able to take it out in the buggy if it needs it's mother every few minutes, after all? They could be around for the first smile instead or better yet, the first steps and they'd get a lot more out of their visit.

Bottom line: your baby, your rules. Just because it's no longer inside your body doesn't mean this stops being the case.

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